Monday, January 26, 2009

Year of the Ox, Rod's Bad Hair Week

Whenever I can  remember, I try to link to Paul Krugman's opinion pieces because its like having Economics for Dummies explained so that even I can understand it. It's essential that we understand what the Obama administration wants to do with a trillion dollars of our money; look what happened when we just trusted what the Bushies told us, that it was all under control. In fact, this economic crisis has just brought down the government of Iceland, and many of our allies are on such shaky grounds that they are not happy with us right now...

"As the debate over President Obama’s economic stimulus plan gets under way, one thing is certain: many of the plan’s opponents aren’t arguing in good faith. Conservatives really, really don’t want to see a second New Deal, and they certainly don’t want to see government activism vindicated. So they are reaching for any stick they can find with which to beat proposals for increased government spending."

Many folks of conservative philosophical ideas want to see Obama and his policies fail. Not because it would be good for our country, but because they think that it would then help their ideas come back into ascendency. Or, in Rush Limbaugh's case, its one big ego stroke that rivals an Oxycontin high... But, Mr Obama's ideas had better work because we have all ready tried the others and they haven't done squat. If they don't work either, our government and economy will come crashing down, martial law will be declared, and I wonder which former ally will try to take us over...? Meanwhile, in the real world, 43,000 more jobs will be laid off: 20,000 jobs at Caterpillar; 8,000 at Sprint Nextel, 7,000 at Home Depot and 8,000 from the expected merger of Pfizer and Wyeth.

Elections will be held next month in Israel, Iraq, and Venezuela. We know what Israel has done to beef up the incumbent party, hopefully violence and assassinations in Iraq will not escalate. In Venezuela, Hugo Chavez is asking that term limits be repealed, to allow him to run for office indefinitely, because he thinks of himself as a mini-Fidel.

It will be the year of the Ox in the Chinese calendar, and astrologers have predicted that it will be an inauspicious year.

Good old Rod Blagojevich will not be sitting before his impeachment hearings at the Illinois State legislature, instead he will be talking to as many news outlets as he can playing up the victim's role. This spectacle will go one all week, or as long as he can get exposure, maybe quoting a poet or two, maybe even saying that he was going to appoint Oprah for Senator... He already assumes that he will be impeached because it's not a fair process, and that he will not step down until they drag him kicking and screaming... which may happen.

Now, here are some time tested Rod Blagojevich jokes:

"This is what politicians do whenever they get in trouble. Early this morning, embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich invited several ministers into his home this morning. Well, first, he prayed with them. And then, you know, out of force of habit, he tried to take up a collection." --Jay Leno

"Hey, you probably saw this on the news. A very embarrassing moment at the Illinois State Capitol today. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich attended the opening of the nativity scene. And when the three wise men showed up with gifts for the baby Jesus, Blagojevich demanded half the loot." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday was Governor -- is it Blagojevich or Bla-son-of-a-bitch? -- it was his birthday. You know what sign Blagojevich was born under? 'For sale.' I believe that was the sign." --Jay Leno

"People close to the case talked about Blagojevich. They said that he was willing to do anything for money. That's why he was going to sell the Senate seat. See, that is so wrong. You know, in this country -- let me tell you something. If you want money, you do what everybody else does, okay? You go to Congress and you demand a bailout. That's what we do." --Jay Leno

"Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a seat in the Senate to the highest bidder. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. And folks, if convicted, he could wind up in prison, where his seat will be sold to the highest bidder." --Conan O'Brien

"Let me tell you something. You know, you don't buy a Senate seat in this country. You take up donations. You go out. You lie to the American people. You make promises you are never going to keep. That's how you get to be a United States Senator." --Jay Leno

"We're not kidding about this economy, which is so bad that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich had to mark down the price of a Senate seat 40%." --David Letterman

"It was a very stupid thing to do. Especially since the last governor of Illinois is currently in prison for exactly the same kind of thing. And not only that, think of it, you're in Chicago, you have Barack Obama's seat for sale, don't you go directly to Oprah? Who would pay more for Barack Obama's seat than her?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Shocking news out of Illinois today. Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested on corruption charges, including the allegation that he was selling Barack Obama's vacant senate seat. Now, I personally am surprised Obama even needed a seat. I thought he just levitated." --Stephen Colbert

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