Friday, November 3, 2017

Will Trump Still Be Healthy in 11 Days?





Donald Trump has left for an 11 day trip to Asia, which leaves room here for shenanigans by his fellow Republicans and the Mueller investigation. It also gives Vladimir Putin the opportunity to declare Trump Tower as part of Russia and send soldiers to take over the building...

A couple of conspiracy theories going around, the first one spread by Steve Bannon, is that while Trump is away, the cabinet will convene and impeach him, although it's hard to believe that Betsy Devos and Ben Carson are smart enough to comprehend what is going on... Meanwhile, the Vice President has been preening in front of the mirror, practicing his presidential demeanor...

The more ominous theory is that Mr. Trump will not make it back to the US, and I don't mean that he will hole up at Trump Dubai... A "lone North Korean assassin" could take him out in over a hundred different ways, or even an ISIS agent could rent a truck and do a drive-bye. Or he could have a heart attack, which the CIA specializes in, as opposed to poisoning by nuclear isotope, which is Putin's signature. Of course, all of these scenarios have already been thought of by our Secret Service, plus they have to plan for Trump pissing off any or all of his host countries and leaders... it's not like he will end up vomiting on the Prime Minister of Japan, but then, you just never know...

And if he does make it back there are the obstruction of justice subpoenas that will be served on Donald Jr., Jared Kushner, and possibly himself. So, expect some even more weird and shrill tweets from across the globe... All this madness in Washington just proves that someone has successfully dosed the water supply with LSD, or Lewis Carroll was right with his theory of rabbit-holes; Donald is not the Red Queen but is the Orange Queen, and I'm late, I'm late...

Monday, August 28, 2017

Cures for All-American Racism



Along with most of the country, I was alarmed by the blatant hate shown in the rally in Charlottesville, and have been musing on ways to effectively counter the racist bastards. Because I had spent many years in California, I naively thought we were past this kind of bigotry. It wasn't until I moved to Colorado and was called a racist myself, that I realized we still had a long ways to go... Unfortunately, racist bastards include members of my own family, who follow the sociopathic trail of life... it, too, can be crunchy like granola...


We can begin at the state and Federal level, by requiring anyone who wishes to run for political office must take and pass a basic citizen knowledge test. If we require immigrants who want to become citizens to pass a test, then it should be required for our politicians, along with exhibiting basic writing and reading comprehension skills. Then, people like Paul Ryan wouldn't be considered smart for reading Ayn Rand back in college, or Donald Trump, who hasn't read a book in over forty years. I want to support someone who can read off of a teleprompter like my favorite news journalists do on tv...

Now, on to the blatant pigeon-holing of behavior. It's thought that the majority of our white
supremists live rural areas, and that 68% of suicides by males in those rural areas are done by men who shot themselves with a gun. We can help tweak those numbers a little by going through the phonebooks and making sure every Bubba and Ricky-Bobby owns a handgun. Send them one with the phrase "To kill yourself" etched along the barrel. Accompany the gun with a couple cases of Jack Daniels, and they will be shooting themselves on every hard-luck Friday night. Why wait until they die from old age, show how they are impotent right now...

Then, we limit access to Bubba's computer, every time he tries to go to a porn site, he always ends up at an all black site or an inter-racial site. Yeah, sitting around his computer, drinking lots of Jack, and a gun hinting at what you need to do because you'll never be able to compete and satisfy your woman like those dicks on that pornsite can, way bigger than your tiny dick and tiny hands, with the results being full emergency rooms up and down the Virginia, Carolina, Georgia, and Florida coastlines...

Or, we can invest a little now to help eradicate the culture of hating others in the future. One, we make sure that all rural areas have access to the Internet and children can navigate on their own. Second, we offer free college education to the children of racists and cut the generational links. I would like to offer literacy courses to the younger racists, hey, why not give them a college education, too. After all. the goal is to expand their minds, and if that doesn't work, we just start slipping some LSD into their coffee...

Last, we can have corporate and commercial America twist their message and meaning around, in movies, ads, and commercials. That's why we have the tiki torch as the symbol for today's white fascist, and we have the crying Nazi on a commercial for Depends, and more musicals like Springtime for Hitler... if that doesn't work, we will be forced to use Daenery's Dragons...



Tuesday, August 1, 2017

More on Those Russian Hookers Peeing on Trump's Bed, My Political Drinking Game

I was disappointed along with everyone else over the hot mess that was The Mooch, being fired after only 10 days, informing us that he wasn't like Steve Bannon, trying to suck his own cock... He was such an outspoken figurehead, profane and crude and rude, that comedians everywhere were licking their lips over the prospect of many Scaramucci jokes to come. I was planning a riff that the Mooch was the sound of Anthony's lips detaching themselves from Trump's ass... The new White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, seems pretty organized, now making all people who wish to speak to The Donald check with him first. Except, of course, for Ivanka Trump, who can sashay past him whenever she wants... She has been trying to lower her profile lately, saying that she doesn't really have that much influence on her father, hoping not to have to own up to some of the decisions she helped make, like the firing of James Comey...

The Daily Beast had an articles about Steve Colbert's trip to Russia, where he was able to enter the Presidential Suite at the Moscow Ritz-Carleton, nicknamed The Pee Room. It hasn't been rented out since the story was published in Buzzfeed, but Colbert obtained the permission to enter the 10 room space that Barack and Michele once rented, and Donald rented also, just to hire a couple of hookers to pee on the bed the Obama's had slept in. One of the questions Colbert asked his Russian handler, who was ex-KGB back when it was the KGB, was would a tape have been made? It is considered standard practice, he was informed...

Two things happened that freaked Colbert out a bit, and were not aired on his show, was when he was
wondering where a camera could be placed, and he lifted a large mirror off the wall, and found an electronics cord dangling out from a hole in the wall. Yes, you can see the mirror in the picture to the far right...Then, one of his crew broke an ashtray that he had brought for the purpose of creating a loud sound to see what would happen. The immediate response was a telephone call asking if everything was all-right, because a bunch of sensor alarms were going off from that room... So, it seems that the Russians have both audio and visuals of both Donald's golden showers, and Barack and Michele in bed, which seems a double creep-out. But it seems to be standard operating procedure in Communist countries; I know that China has some videos of me in hotel rooms and in my compartment on the train... I really didn't mean to steal that greasy towel, it just jumped into my backpack when I wasn't looking...

The role that Putin has decided to play is that of a patient, wise uncle, waiting for a hot-headed American Congress to cool down and deal with him on a level-headed basis. But, of course, we will have to deal with these new sanctions against us by kicking most of your embassy staff out of our country, it's just tit for tat... If Congress had played it smart, it would have named individually the people it wanted sanctions against, then Putin would have a harder time using them for his propaganda... and speaking of sanctions, the same bill with the Russian ones also had more for North Korea and Iran. Now Iran is saying that the new sanctions may violate the nuclear arms treaty it signed with America... It's ironic that we have a bug up our butt over Iran, which is the most democratic country in the middle-east, if not the only one left after American interventions.


If you were playing a drinking game over who would get fired next or who Trump would throw under the bus, last week  you would not have had a sober moment. My drink of choice is Belle Meade bourbon, made in Tennessee... Trump has hired and appointed such a bunch of incompetents that I can't feel sorry when I see them go, I just wish he'd fire some more people on my wish list. It's hard to imagine how anyone could have functioned like Trump has and lasted 70 years. He won't be impeached because he will give himself a heart attack from yelling and being angry so much, along with Bill O'Reilly and Alex Jones. Many of our top CEO's and successful rulers of business empires are just as dysfunctional as Trump and Tillerson, they don't do well in the light of day. Right now we are the poster for the phrase that


"Democracy is messy, and it's hard. It's never easy"
                                                                  Robert Kennedy, Jr.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

GOP RIP, JR.,






I have been setting traps over the last couple of days, realizing that I have to eat some crow after the election of Donald Trump as our President-Elect... My main problem is this area is not a habitat for crows, they were muscled out by ravens and magpies, and these shape-shifting ravens are pretty smart... My cat won't hunt one down for me, even though he has de-bunnyfied the neighborhood and finds any field mouse that comes within 100 yards of our house...


I really didn't want to write anything more about Donald until the madness settled down, but after 6 months in office, the craziness is worse than before. It seems that the only calming factor on Mr. Trump is the president of France and a military parade in his honor...

What I have wanted to write about are the old stories of Donald's golden showers and the horrific background of Jared Kushner's family, which explains why he is such a squirrely, lying little bastard... and illuminates Ivanka's taste in men.

Rumors say that Russian intelligence has been cultivating Donald Trump and his family ever since
Donald became a voice in the birther movement, and because they were gullible and not  very bright. In 2013 the Miss Universe pageant was held in Moscow, and Donald made many friends and business contacts, even exploring plans to build a Trump Tower. He stayed at the Ritz-Carlton, an old Communist era hotel refurbished to modern tastes. It was where all visiting officials and businessmen were put up, and rumors were that every room was bugged for audio and video. Further rumors were that some rooms remained bugged for Putin's special friends...

So, Donald Trump checks in and insists on staying in the room where Barack and Michele Obama had, when they had visited Moscow. An odd request coming from someone who professed to dislike the Obamas... Donald then proceeded to hire two prostitutes to come to his room for the purpose of bathing him in a golden shower. OK, a golden shower is when the prostitute (or any loved one) proceeds to piss all over you. This act was supposedly taped and a copy resides in the Kremlin, and might be the reason why Trump has complemented Putin since the day he announced his candidacy for president.

The gentleman who reported this in a 35 page report is an ex-intelligence officer for the British and spent several years stationed in Moscow. Most of the other connections between Donald and other Russians in the report have been proven to be accurate, but we snigger like naïve teenagers when confronted with the piss story, because it's considered to be a perverted fetish, not brought up in a polite setting, relegated to a few smirking late night jokes...




Then there's Jared, who has changed his application for a security clearance more times than Obamacare, every time it's reported that he's had another meeting with Russian officials, after claiming that he had zero contact.

It's said that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and Jared's father did time in jail for some truly weird and cruel behavior. His brother-in-law was agreeing to give a deposition to federal authorities about some illegal practices he and Jared's father engaged in their real estate firm. Jared's father then went out and hired a prostitute and lured his brother-in-law to a place where he could videotape it, then sent a copy to the guy's wife, his sister. The father is now out of jail and running his real estate firm, trying to get out from under a couple of expensive mistakes that Jared made. But the toxic family atmosphere must be difficult to tolerate, no matter how religious and observant you've become... So, Jared throwing his brother-in-law Donald ,Jr., under the bus over meeting Russian people who keep insisting they have no connections to the Kremlin, is just typical behavior for the Trump relations. On the bright side, neither young Donald or Jared should have a taste for politics once they get out of jail...



It's clear that the Republican Party has to remake itself because the crazies are ruling the roost right now. Not only can they not pass any major legislation, but it's painfully obvious they cannot write legislation, either. Instead, they sat around for nine years with their thumbs up their butts, occasionally shifting their weight from one cheek to the other...

And I really don't know what to do with the Trump base, now that they have woken up. Maybe they will wear themselves out sending all that hate e-mail and death threats, or by combining heroin with their bourbon and moonshine.