Stimulus to Pass, Socialistic Smearmongers

Sportcaster Al Michaels came up with a good idea. We don't need to close Guantanamo after all. When we get done processing the current batch of terrorists, we can use it to house our criminal CEO's.

This morning President Obama gave a short pep talk for his stimulus package after meeting with some business leaders. The tone was conservative, saying that the hope relies on American businesses. He did not take questions from reporters, but he did come down off the stage to shake people's hands. Pat Buchanan's reaction was: "Was that Barack Obama or Ronald Reagan?"

Later today there will be a vote on the stimulus bill. It's expected that every Republican will vote against it. Dana Millbank reports in the Washington Post: "Forecasts call for no more than 12 Republicans to vote for Obama's stimulus plan today, and "it's closer to zero than 12," said Rep. Fred Upton (Mich.), one of a dozen Republicans invited to meet with Obama staff chief Rahm Emanuel at the White House last night. Rep. Roy Blunt (Mo.) chuckled when asked whether Obama had won his vote. Rep. Dan Lungren (Calif.) laughed. Rep. Dan Burton (Ind.) guffawed.

Last week, Obama ushered in the post-partisan era. This week, it looks as if the post-post-partisan era is already upon us. "I don't expect 100 percent agreement from my Republican colleagues," the president said after his House GOP meeting.

"We might not even get 50 percent agreement," he amended two hours later, after his session with Republican senators." Republicans are trying to distance themselves from this package without offering concrete alternatives. Most of their concerns have already been accommodated into the package, so its all posturing from here on out, giving themselves some wriggle room if it doesn't work.

What's worse, is that the ignorant right wing element is trying to brand Obama and his policies as being socialistic, as if that word will strike fear in the hearts of Americans. This was cynically started during the campaign by planners like Grover Nordquist to brand Mr Obama with a negative association, and evidently being continued after the election.

Because they couldn't use blatant racist arguments to create the fear of a Black man out of a church-going, loving father of two girls, they used other negative statements that were made up, like hanging out with terrorists and this socialism thing. Talking points are made and distributed to Party hacks and encouraged to make the arguments in public. When making a statement, always use these other negative words in conjunction, Marxist and fascist, to bring up the image of Russia and China under military Communistic rule, and the fear of despotic dictatorship. Oh yeah, throw in that it's un-American and that Obama doesn't love this great country of ours because he is not like us...

You will hear it on talk radio, on television, in newspapers,and see our local Party loyalists like Bob Beauprez and Amy Lathan talking shrilly and condescendingly. And it will continue until the next smear is developed and distributed. Its an extension of dirty politics that the old-school right wing is so good at, and why people have gotten so tired of being manipulated. It also sets up a false crisis so that people will give money to Republican think tanks and policy institutes that were set up to fleece rich folks. Here's hoping that this really gives way to the young turks with good ideas taking over the GOP away from the old, old, old dinosaurs gnashing in the agony of their death throes... they are having a retreat this week to determine the path their party will be taking in the near future. Again, I have not been invited...

Whew, now for the jokes:

"Al Qaeda has unleashed a stream of verbal attacks against President Obama, calling him names and saying his policies will all end in failure. Well, who do these people think they are, Rush Limbaugh?" --Jay Leno

"President Barack Obama has given his first sit-down interview since he took the oath of office. He gave it to an Arabic television network, which seems kind of strange. I mean, if Barack Obama wanted to give interview to a network that's not seen in the United States, why not go with NBC?" --Jay Leno

"Actually, a lot of Arabs are upset with the interview because it preempted their most popular TV show, a Palestinian sitcom called '30 Rocks.'" --Jay Leno

"President Barack Obama has also signed an executive order officially banning torture in the United States. There goes Dick Cheney's retirement, huh? What is he supposed to do now?" --Jay Leno

"Oh, last night, we talked about how Citigroup took $50 million of the bailout money we gave them and bought a corporate jet. Well, Citigroup now says they were not going to take possession of the jet. They said they're going to lose money on it because they put a huge deposit on it, but they now realize it was a mistake. They said this is the most overpriced jet since Brett Favre." --Jay Leno

"And on 'Good Morning America,' Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich said he considered offering the vacant Senate seat to Oprah Winfrey, but changed his mind when she wouldn't give him a car." --Jay Leno

"Well, it looks like that prison, that detention center, in Guantanamo Bay is being closed. And people say, 'Well, what are you going to do with all those folks who are down there, all those suspected terrorists and thugs and goons and nasty, awful people?' We're going to bring them up here to the Ed Sullivan Theater and put them in the audience." --David Letterman

"But listen to this. They're closing Guantanamo. That's how bad things are, ladies and gentlemen. That's how bad the economy is. You know it's tough, you know the economy is bad, when even the terrorists are being laid off." --David Letterman

David Letterman's Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10. Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts."
9. Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop.
8. Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOOYYYYYJEVICH."
7. Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest.
6. Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape.
5. Change his name to Barod Obamavich.
4. Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River.
3. I don't know ... how about showing up for his impeachment trial?
2. Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, "You Betcha!" a lot.
1. Uhhh...resign?