Monday, August 28, 2017

Cures for All-American Racism



Along with most of the country, I was alarmed by the blatant hate shown in the rally in Charlottesville, and have been musing on ways to effectively counter the racist bastards. Because I had spent many years in California, I naively thought we were past this kind of bigotry. It wasn't until I moved to Colorado and was called a racist myself, that I realized we still had a long ways to go... Unfortunately, racist bastards include members of my own family, who follow the sociopathic trail of life... it, too, can be crunchy like granola...


We can begin at the state and Federal level, by requiring anyone who wishes to run for political office must take and pass a basic citizen knowledge test. If we require immigrants who want to become citizens to pass a test, then it should be required for our politicians, along with exhibiting basic writing and reading comprehension skills. Then, people like Paul Ryan wouldn't be considered smart for reading Ayn Rand back in college, or Donald Trump, who hasn't read a book in over forty years. I want to support someone who can read off of a teleprompter like my favorite news journalists do on tv...

Now, on to the blatant pigeon-holing of behavior. It's thought that the majority of our white
supremists live rural areas, and that 68% of suicides by males in those rural areas are done by men who shot themselves with a gun. We can help tweak those numbers a little by going through the phonebooks and making sure every Bubba and Ricky-Bobby owns a handgun. Send them one with the phrase "To kill yourself" etched along the barrel. Accompany the gun with a couple cases of Jack Daniels, and they will be shooting themselves on every hard-luck Friday night. Why wait until they die from old age, show how they are impotent right now...

Then, we limit access to Bubba's computer, every time he tries to go to a porn site, he always ends up at an all black site or an inter-racial site. Yeah, sitting around his computer, drinking lots of Jack, and a gun hinting at what you need to do because you'll never be able to compete and satisfy your woman like those dicks on that pornsite can, way bigger than your tiny dick and tiny hands, with the results being full emergency rooms up and down the Virginia, Carolina, Georgia, and Florida coastlines...

Or, we can invest a little now to help eradicate the culture of hating others in the future. One, we make sure that all rural areas have access to the Internet and children can navigate on their own. Second, we offer free college education to the children of racists and cut the generational links. I would like to offer literacy courses to the younger racists, hey, why not give them a college education, too. After all. the goal is to expand their minds, and if that doesn't work, we just start slipping some LSD into their coffee...

Last, we can have corporate and commercial America twist their message and meaning around, in movies, ads, and commercials. That's why we have the tiki torch as the symbol for today's white fascist, and we have the crying Nazi on a commercial for Depends, and more musicals like Springtime for Hitler... if that doesn't work, we will be forced to use Daenery's Dragons...



Tuesday, August 1, 2017

More on Those Russian Hookers Peeing on Trump's Bed, My Political Drinking Game

I was disappointed along with everyone else over the hot mess that was The Mooch, being fired after only 10 days, informing us that he wasn't like Steve Bannon, trying to suck his own cock... He was such an outspoken figurehead, profane and crude and rude, that comedians everywhere were licking their lips over the prospect of many Scaramucci jokes to come. I was planning a riff that the Mooch was the sound of Anthony's lips detaching themselves from Trump's ass... The new White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, seems pretty organized, now making all people who wish to speak to The Donald check with him first. Except, of course, for Ivanka Trump, who can sashay past him whenever she wants... She has been trying to lower her profile lately, saying that she doesn't really have that much influence on her father, hoping not to have to own up to some of the decisions she helped make, like the firing of James Comey...

The Daily Beast had an articles about Steve Colbert's trip to Russia, where he was able to enter the Presidential Suite at the Moscow Ritz-Carleton, nicknamed The Pee Room. It hasn't been rented out since the story was published in Buzzfeed, but Colbert obtained the permission to enter the 10 room space that Barack and Michele once rented, and Donald rented also, just to hire a couple of hookers to pee on the bed the Obama's had slept in. One of the questions Colbert asked his Russian handler, who was ex-KGB back when it was the KGB, was would a tape have been made? It is considered standard practice, he was informed...

Two things happened that freaked Colbert out a bit, and were not aired on his show, was when he was
wondering where a camera could be placed, and he lifted a large mirror off the wall, and found an electronics cord dangling out from a hole in the wall. Yes, you can see the mirror in the picture to the far right...Then, one of his crew broke an ashtray that he had brought for the purpose of creating a loud sound to see what would happen. The immediate response was a telephone call asking if everything was all-right, because a bunch of sensor alarms were going off from that room... So, it seems that the Russians have both audio and visuals of both Donald's golden showers, and Barack and Michele in bed, which seems a double creep-out. But it seems to be standard operating procedure in Communist countries; I know that China has some videos of me in hotel rooms and in my compartment on the train... I really didn't mean to steal that greasy towel, it just jumped into my backpack when I wasn't looking...

The role that Putin has decided to play is that of a patient, wise uncle, waiting for a hot-headed American Congress to cool down and deal with him on a level-headed basis. But, of course, we will have to deal with these new sanctions against us by kicking most of your embassy staff out of our country, it's just tit for tat... If Congress had played it smart, it would have named individually the people it wanted sanctions against, then Putin would have a harder time using them for his propaganda... and speaking of sanctions, the same bill with the Russian ones also had more for North Korea and Iran. Now Iran is saying that the new sanctions may violate the nuclear arms treaty it signed with America... It's ironic that we have a bug up our butt over Iran, which is the most democratic country in the middle-east, if not the only one left after American interventions.


If you were playing a drinking game over who would get fired next or who Trump would throw under the bus, last week  you would not have had a sober moment. My drink of choice is Belle Meade bourbon, made in Tennessee... Trump has hired and appointed such a bunch of incompetents that I can't feel sorry when I see them go, I just wish he'd fire some more people on my wish list. It's hard to imagine how anyone could have functioned like Trump has and lasted 70 years. He won't be impeached because he will give himself a heart attack from yelling and being angry so much, along with Bill O'Reilly and Alex Jones. Many of our top CEO's and successful rulers of business empires are just as dysfunctional as Trump and Tillerson, they don't do well in the light of day. Right now we are the poster for the phrase that


"Democracy is messy, and it's hard. It's never easy"
                                                                  Robert Kennedy, Jr.