"I secretly want Romney to win because, look, I'm a comedian. Mitt Romney is an ultra-Caucasian Mormon zillionaire who uses his dog as a hood ornament. For me not to secretly want him as President, it's like Halliburton secretly not wanting a war." – Bill Maher
"People will now have to have health insurance. The same way every driver in California has car insurance." – Jay Leno
"The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left every few seconds, and you end up right where you started. " – Jay Leno
We now have a generation of world leaders who have had an education in a Western country. North Korea's Kim Jung-Un was schooled in Switzerland, while the new leaders of Tunisia and Egypt were educated in the US. Egypt's Mr Morsi also taught at the college level here, and has two children still living in the US. Most of the business and military elite in the Middle East have all gone to college in the US or Europe, proving that we are truly becoming a melting pot of different cultures. Of course, there is always a downside, as exhibited by Syria's Bashar al Assad, and have you noticed that about half of the current government officials in Kabul used to own restaurants in New york and Washington DC?
The prosecutors charge that the performance caused great "moral damage" to 10 people who complained about the performance, and that the band intentionally meant to "inflict grievous mental suffering." Jeez, everyone is a music critic... This charade is an obvious attempt to by the court to suck up to Vladimir Putin, who still can't believe that not everyone loves him and the high-handed way that he rules. Perhaps the judge is trying to secure that plum job for her children with a Putin owned oil company, so she can be taken care of after she retires in six months... Whatever, the lawyers for Pussy Riot said that the charges are politically motivated by the Russian Orthodox Church, who also os trying to suck up to the Kremlin, so their Patriarch will be able to drive around in his new Bentley, shallow and vain man that he is. The end result could easily be that the girls will be sentenced to 5 years in prison. They would have to rename their band Putin's Pussy to acknowledge that he got the better of them, and let that be a warning to everyone who is opposed to our Dear Leader, who seems to think that this country is his personal KGB playground... I haven't the faintest idea if the band is actually good or not, maybe there will be something on youtube and I can listen to them tonight. Maybe they'll come out of this trial with a recording contract, or at least allowed to record the soundtrack of the Russian opposition...