Goodbye Mr F***, Iraqi Candidates Killed

My brother-in-law is from Illinois. He came home last night chanting "that's three in a row!" On the tube last night I watched a reporter for the Chicago Sun Times say that one of the reasons the legislature voted overwhelmingly to impeach Mr Blagojevich is that there was too much attention on illegal activites, and they might be next. The concept of pay-to-play is an old and time honored tradition in Illinois, if not in American politics, one that just about every politician has done during their career. Even our city councilmen end up richer at the end of their terms than when they were first elected, so the reason that impeachment happened is because he got caught.

But, I'll miss his quirky, rapid fire delivery, and his comparing himself with every cultural icon we have, including poems, fiction, and film. don't cry for him, Illinois... Besides, they do things differently in Chicago. A 14 year-old boy put on a police uniform, received an assignment at a South Side police station and spent five hours in a squad car with an officer before being discovered. Then, the top brass couldn't explain how it happened, saying that they will investigate it...

Iraq is getting ready for provincial elections, with political parties emerging out of the sand dunes to vie for office. Campaign style is a bit different as two candidates, both women, have been killed. Many old school type of men still believe that women rate just above cattle and resent any signs of emancipation. Beatings in public occur frequently, as does the practice of throwing acid on a woman's face, and the men responsible are never brought to court, much less a trial.

The really bad news is being reported by the Associated Press, that the suicide rate of active soldiers has been rising for the last four years, with 2008 being the highest on record. Army Secretary Peter Geren gave this comforting quote: " Why do the numbers keep going up? We cannot tell you."

Back here at home, a Federal judge has denied a request to keep secret the names of donors to California's anti-gay marriage initiative, ruling that the state's campaign disclosure laws are intended to protect the public, not just a few Mormons and evangelical ministers...

Today's jokes:

"President Barack Obama gave his first sit-down interview as president to an Arab TV network. He's reaching out to the Arab world. In fact, he even made a cameo appearance on one of the biggest sitcoms in the Arab world, 'How I Met Your Mullah.'" --Jay Leno

"And people are still talking about Michelle Obama's inaugural outfit. You know, I saw the designer on one of the cable shows and he said he didn't even know that Michelle was going to wear his design. He said he was watching the inaugural ball on TV and was surprised to see her wearing it. On a related note, the designer of Aretha Franklin's hat said he was also surprised when he saw Aretha wearing his design on her head because he originally designed it as a tote bag." --Jay Leno

"And my favorite politician -- Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich -- was on the 'Today' show yesterday. And he compared himself to Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Gandhi. Really? You see his hair? I think he's more like Skippy from 'Family Ties.'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, earlier this week, all the e-mail service in the White House completely collapsed. No e-mails coming in, no e-mails going out. Everything had to be written down on paper by hand. It was like if John McCain had been elected president. " --Jay Leno

"And freezing cold weather in Washington this week. The roads are so icy, Al Gore almost didn't make it to his global warming speech today." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore told the Senate Foreign Relations Committee the Earth is in grave danger from global warming. But is this the best time to try to convince people that global warming is real, in the middle of a blizzard? He should come back in August when the air conditioner is broken, come out with a panting dog, and then maybe people will listen." --Jay Leno

"And the 'Wall Street Journal' reports that Bill Clinton made $4.7 million last year in speaking fees from foreign countries. And they say this will cause a conflict for Hillary as secretary of state, but Bill has vowed not to cause any problems for her. And believe me, when Bill Clinton makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank." --Jay Leno

"Hey, did you see that a woman recently gave birth to eight babies? And out of force of habit, John Edwards went back into hiding." --Jay Leno

"And a new study finds that it takes humans 30% longer to lie than it does to tell the truth. See, that's why political speeches are so long." --Jay Leno

"Hey, there's a new HBO documentary out about Ted Haggard. Remember him? He was the preacher that got caught with the male hooker? Well, this new film focuses on Haggard's relationship with his wife. I believe it's called 'He's Just Not That Into You.'" --Jay Leno

"President Obama still has not gotten used to the White House, apparently. This is true. Today, on his way into the Oval Office, he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. That's true. Yeah. White House employees said at first it made them laugh, then a wave of nostalgia washed over them." --Conan O'Brien

David Letterman's Top Ten Things Overheard At The Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10. I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters.
9. Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 "Paul Blart: Mall Cop."
8. Smokebreak!!
7. You fells really need to take it easy on the Old Spice.
6. Mr. President: Don't misunderestimate the Republicans.
5. Another smokebreak!
4. What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?
3. About that tax the rich stuff -- you were joking, right?
2. Sir, it's refreshing to have a chief executive who speaks in complete sentences.
1. Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room