Saturday, February 14, 2009

New GOP Slogans

Shuja Nawaz
Anton Fedyashin
Peter Grier

The economic stimulus bill should be signed by the President on Monday. I really hope it works, because if it doesn't, our economy may continue its downward spiral until it crashes, taking the global economy with it. What bothers me a lot is all of the negative posturing from the old Republicans. Other than tax cuts, which haven't done anything to stimulate our economy so far, remember that has been the big Republican plan since Reagan, and none of them have stepped up and offered any other creative ideas. In a time of crisis, they are appearing more impotent than George Bush while Barack Obama is at least trying to help people, which is what popular opinion polls are stating.

The Political Animal blog had this to say about the leading negative nabob and his strategy:
"Limbaugh is, without ambiguity, rooting for failure. In the midst of an economic crisis, Limbaugh quite openly admitted that if Obama's economic policies are successful, it would undermine the talk-show host's worldview. As such, Limbaugh wants desperately to see more Americans suffer, more workers unemployed, more businesses close up shop. The key here is philosophy -- if government spending can stimulate the economy, as it always does, then the right is wrong. Limbaugh would much prefer a suffering nation than a reevaluation of conservative ideas.

Keep in mind, of course, that such talk under Bush's presidency would force someone from the airwaves. If a prominent progressive figure said, just as the president was sending troops into war in early 2003, "I want everything he's doing to fail. I want the war in Iraq to fail. I do not want the president's national security agenda to succeed," he or she would lose all advertising revenue and be fired. In the midst of a crisis, Americans rooting against America, based on nothing but ideological rigidity, are pariahs.

Or, at least, they used to be.

Similar sentiments are even found coming from members of Congress. Take Sen. David Vitter (R-La.), best known for getting caught in a prostitution scandal, talking to a Federalist Society gathering this week.

According to Vitter, the GOP is basically betting the farm that the stimulus package is going to fail, and the party wants Democrats to go down with it. "Our next goal is to make President Obama and liberal Democrats in Congress own it completely," he said. Instead of coming up with serious measures to save the economy, the party intends to devote its time to an "we told you so" agenda that will include GOP-only hearings on the bill's impact in the coming months to highlight the bill's purportedly wasteful elements and shortcomings.

While Vitter seemed to think this was a brilliant new political tactic, voters might be less enthusiastic than Federalist Society members about politicians who spend the next 18 months rooting for the economy to get worse, just to prove a point. But, in Vitter's world, that's the price you apparently have to pay for sticking to your principles, call girls be damned. Remember, these clowns like to maintain the fiction that Republicans have the high ground on patriotism."

So, if Blackwater International can rebrand itself, its high time the GOP came up with a new slogan. I humbly offer my few suggestions, feel free to copy them and make bumper stickers from them:

GOP: We Just Say No!

GOP: We Have Buns of Steele

GOP: More Addicting than an Oxycontin Rush...

GOP: Faster Pussycat, Drill, Drill, Drill!

GOP: Not Just for Right Wing Wackos Anymore

GOP: We Can See Congress from Our Front Porches

Late Night Jokes on past corporate scandals:

"Earlier this week the Senate voted 97-to-0 for tougher regulations. For example, when corporations buy a senator, they must now get a receipt." — Jay Leno

"Boy, another bad day on Wall Street. Things are getting ugly. Dow Jones is starting to look more like Paula Jones." —Jay Leno

"President Bush is leaving the White House for a vacation. He's taking a month off. Yeah, take a break, you deserve it. But aides say that while on vacation, Bush will continue to make two or three speeches a week to make sure that the market keeps crashing." —Jay Leno

"This might be getting serious. The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission." —David Letterman

"The big rumor now in Washington is that President Bush is ready to invade Iraq. What we should do is take the CEO's of Enron, WorldCom, and Adelphia, drop them into Iraq and let them have at the infrastructure. Within a few days the country will be ruined." —Jay Leno

"President Bush was on Wall Street giving a speech on corporate responsibility. He called for the doubling of punishment for corporate crime. That means they will slap you on both wrists apparently." —Jay Leno

"President Bush was in New York City this afternoon. He was giving a speech imploring people to crack down on accounting fraud, lashing out and attacking accounting fraud. And I am thinking to myself, 'Hey wait a minute, isn't that how he got elected?'" —David Letterman

"First Enron, then Tyco and now WorldCom. How come all these companies are off billions in their accounting and nothing ever happens to them? If you bounce a $15 check at the Quickmart, the feds are at your door!" —Jay Leno

"A grand jury is investigating the bankruptcy of K-Mart. Why? Is there any big mystery there? They sold a bunch of cheap crap and nobody bought it." —Jay Leno

"You know, there was that controversial terrorist memo that never got to President George W. Bush. Well, they finally figured out what happened. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shredded them with some Enron documents." —David Letterman

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