In an interview with the Politico, Dick Cheney gave a dire warning that terrorists will try to attack America again, and their success or failure depends on keeping his policies in place. Said Cheney: "When we get people who are more concerned about reading the rights to an Al Qaeda terrorist than they are with protecting the United States against people who are absolutely committed to do anything they can to kill Americans, then I worry."
I worry that Dick Cheney and Tzipi Livni will start dating. I know they are compatible because I entered them on match.com...
When asked whether he had plans to see old pal Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), Joe was non-committal. And when asked, wholly in jest, whether he planned to lay any pipe during his day in D.C., Joe was downright incensed. A moment of awkward silence followed the question. "All the puns have been made," Joe warned the reporter who queried him.
I don't know, Joe ... sometimes the puns deserve to be made again."
Another take from the NY Daily News: "His advice, essentially, was to take no prisoners in standing up for their beliefs.
“It’s not politically incorrect to say you’re Republican or conservative,” Joe said. “They need to dig their heels in and fight for what needs to be done.”
And no reason to be subtle, he said, as long as folks inform themselves. “I don’t believe there’s two sides to every story. It’s black and white,” Wurzelbacher explained. “There’s right and wrong.”
One thing that needs to be done, he said, is killing this stimulus package, because it’s just another example of “American government” — Republicans and Democrats — “kicking our butts left and right.” He also called it welfare.
As for his own political career, America will just have to wait six years until his son grows up.
“I don’t know if the American public deserve me,” he said, “but my son definitely deserves my time now.”
So look for Joe for Something in 2015. Why not? He’s kept his 15 minutes going this long."
My favorite average Joe must be Joe the Plumber. Except his name isn't Joe and he isn't a plumber, but he has tried to be a singer, an author, and a war correspondent. But he is just so full of himself, so self assured in his views, and so jaw dropping simple minded when he expresses them. But people in Ohio must love him because there is even a Draft Joe the Plumber website!
Now our man in the badly fitting black leather jacket was invited to help out the GOP in the way only he can: "Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher visited Capitol Hill yesterday, giving his political advice to a key group of Republican staffers. Wurzelbacher spoke of the importance of stopping the stimulus bill, and for the GOP to take a hard line. "I don't believe there's two sides to every story. It's black and white," he said. "There's right and wrong."
When asked whether he had plans to see old pal Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), Joe was non-committal. And when asked, wholly in jest, whether he planned to lay any pipe during his day in D.C., Joe was downright incensed. A moment of awkward silence followed the question. "All the puns have been made," Joe warned the reporter who queried him.
I don't know, Joe ... sometimes the puns deserve to be made again."
Another take from the NY Daily News: "His advice, essentially, was to take no prisoners in standing up for their beliefs.
“It’s not politically incorrect to say you’re Republican or conservative,” Joe said. “They need to dig their heels in and fight for what needs to be done.”
And no reason to be subtle, he said, as long as folks inform themselves. “I don’t believe there’s two sides to every story. It’s black and white,” Wurzelbacher explained. “There’s right and wrong.”
One thing that needs to be done, he said, is killing this stimulus package, because it’s just another example of “American government” — Republicans and Democrats — “kicking our butts left and right.” He also called it welfare.
As for his own political career, America will just have to wait six years until his son grows up.
“I don’t know if the American public deserve me,” he said, “but my son definitely deserves my time now.”
So look for Joe for Something in 2015. Why not? He’s kept his 15 minutes going this long."
And, from Politico: "Wurzelbacher opposes the stimulus and said he questioned why the government can’t just cut its bills like other people do. He also advised staffers to take a harder line on the legislation: “Republicans on the Hill are afraid of saying too much,” he noted.
Further recommendations from the Karl Rove of the Commode included having “someone go in there and kick some ass.”
Staffers emphasized that he was there to give a different perspective on the stimulus debate — not to effect serious policy change.
Nonetheless, the plumber clearly has his fans, both on and off the Hill. Velvetpaintings.com is selling portraits of the pensive-looking plumber-turned-pundit on black velvet for $250 a pop (“Quality You Can Feel”), and one excited staffer from DeMint’s office blasted this e-mail to her list on Monday:
“In case you weren’t planning to attend CWG tomorrow morning, you might want to reconsider because Joe the Plumber will be joining us!”
Sounds like nothing could have wrenched her away."
Further recommendations from the Karl Rove of the Commode included having “someone go in there and kick some ass.”
Staffers emphasized that he was there to give a different perspective on the stimulus debate — not to effect serious policy change.
Nonetheless, the plumber clearly has his fans, both on and off the Hill. Velvetpaintings.com is selling portraits of the pensive-looking plumber-turned-pundit on black velvet for $250 a pop (“Quality You Can Feel”), and one excited staffer from DeMint’s office blasted this e-mail to her list on Monday:
“In case you weren’t planning to attend CWG tomorrow morning, you might want to reconsider because Joe the Plumber will be joining us!”
Sounds like nothing could have wrenched her away."
I could just go on and on, but time for the Late night jokes:
"Happy birthday to former Vice President Dick Cheney, who is now 68 years old. So you know what that means? He beat the spread." --Jay Leno
"And the half brother of Barack Obama, a man named George Obama, has been arrested in Kenya for allegedly having drugs. See, here we go again with the dumb presidential brothers. Remember Billy Carter? Then there was Roger Clinton, Bill Clinton's brother. See, we never had that problem with President Bush. He was already the dumb brother. " --Jay Leno
"There was a huge scientific breakthrough today. Researchers say they are very close to finding someone from Obama's Cabinet who's actually paid their taxes." --Jay Leno
"Tom Daschle, whom President Obama wants as secretary of health and human services, apparently did not pay $128,000 in taxes that he owes the government. Did you realize President Obama hasn't had a cabinet member with an embarrassing tax problem like this since the last guy they appointed?" --Jay Leno
"And former Maryland Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele has become the first African-American Republican National Committee chairman ever. Black Republicans said they were thrilled. Both of them." --Jay Leno
"And because of our huge budget crisis, California's now going to delay paying your tax refunds, to which Tom Daschle said, 'That's why I didn't pay them in the first place.'" --Jay Leno
"Today is Groundhog Day, and I don't know why this stuff always goes haywire in Alaska. Here is what happened. A little bit of trouble. Groundhog comes out of its hole. Sarah Palin shoots it." --David Letterman
"I do want to say a quick word to anyone out there who wants to bring change and hope to a deeply divided and suffering America: Pay your f***ing taxes. We're not asking you to be perfect. You want to be in the Cabinet? We're not saying you can't throw a little under the table to the Guatemalan nanny. You're not saying you can't accept a couple thanks-for-your-help fruit baskets from the boys down at Local 238. But Tom Daschle? Obama's pick for Health secretary? [on screen: news report about Daschle's failure to pay $128K in taxes] $128,000 in taxes. That's not $128,000 for a car and driver. That's $128,000 in the taxes on, like, 400,000 of drivers. If you're paying $300,000 to $400,000 for a driver, you're driving too much. What do you wake up in the morning and have to go to the bathroom and go, 'Driver? To the toilet.' That's how much money it would be for Miss Daisy if her driver was actually Morgan Freeman. So Tom Daschle, pay your taxes. And stop having Alfred bring you to work in the Batmobile. It's too much money." --Jon Stewart
"Michael Steele is the new RNC Chairman! ...You know, Republicans, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. He's your voice of change, your Barack Obama. But, you know, it's not as simple as that. I know you want to take his fight to the Democrats. But Michael Steele, he's like, remember when your kid really wanted a Tickle Me Elmo for Christmas? But all the stores were sold out, so you went to Chinatown and got him a Giggle-Time All-Mo. Michael Steele is the Republican Party's Giggle-Time All-Mo" --Jon Stewart
"Nation, we all know that the march toward socialism continues. Last Tuesday, Congress passed the Lilly Ledbetter law, which makes it easier to sue your employer for pay discrimination. No one tell Dianne Feinstein not everyone in Congress gets paid in saltines. Now folks, I say this Ledbetter legislation is unfair. Women are the ones who get discriminated against the most, which means they're going to benefit from this law more than men. That is sexist. Not to mention that many in the business community say '... the measure could ... discourage employers from hiring women.' Exactly. If you can't discriminate against women, what is the point in hiring them? I guess the only reasonable answer is to hire nothing but women and pay them all equally horribly. Well, Obama signed the bill on Thursday, which means I can no longer discriminate legally. From now on, I'm going to have to discriminate under the table, which will be difficult, because that's where I usually do my harassment. It's going to get very crowded down there." --Stephen Colbert
"Happy birthday to former Vice President Dick Cheney, who is now 68 years old. So you know what that means? He beat the spread." --Jay Leno
"And the half brother of Barack Obama, a man named George Obama, has been arrested in Kenya for allegedly having drugs. See, here we go again with the dumb presidential brothers. Remember Billy Carter? Then there was Roger Clinton, Bill Clinton's brother. See, we never had that problem with President Bush. He was already the dumb brother. " --Jay Leno
"There was a huge scientific breakthrough today. Researchers say they are very close to finding someone from Obama's Cabinet who's actually paid their taxes." --Jay Leno
"Tom Daschle, whom President Obama wants as secretary of health and human services, apparently did not pay $128,000 in taxes that he owes the government. Did you realize President Obama hasn't had a cabinet member with an embarrassing tax problem like this since the last guy they appointed?" --Jay Leno
"And former Maryland Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele has become the first African-American Republican National Committee chairman ever. Black Republicans said they were thrilled. Both of them." --Jay Leno
"And because of our huge budget crisis, California's now going to delay paying your tax refunds, to which Tom Daschle said, 'That's why I didn't pay them in the first place.'" --Jay Leno
"Today is Groundhog Day, and I don't know why this stuff always goes haywire in Alaska. Here is what happened. A little bit of trouble. Groundhog comes out of its hole. Sarah Palin shoots it." --David Letterman
"I do want to say a quick word to anyone out there who wants to bring change and hope to a deeply divided and suffering America: Pay your f***ing taxes. We're not asking you to be perfect. You want to be in the Cabinet? We're not saying you can't throw a little under the table to the Guatemalan nanny. You're not saying you can't accept a couple thanks-for-your-help fruit baskets from the boys down at Local 238. But Tom Daschle? Obama's pick for Health secretary? [on screen: news report about Daschle's failure to pay $128K in taxes] $128,000 in taxes. That's not $128,000 for a car and driver. That's $128,000 in the taxes on, like, 400,000 of drivers. If you're paying $300,000 to $400,000 for a driver, you're driving too much. What do you wake up in the morning and have to go to the bathroom and go, 'Driver? To the toilet.' That's how much money it would be for Miss Daisy if her driver was actually Morgan Freeman. So Tom Daschle, pay your taxes. And stop having Alfred bring you to work in the Batmobile. It's too much money." --Jon Stewart
"Michael Steele is the new RNC Chairman! ...You know, Republicans, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. He's your voice of change, your Barack Obama. But, you know, it's not as simple as that. I know you want to take his fight to the Democrats. But Michael Steele, he's like, remember when your kid really wanted a Tickle Me Elmo for Christmas? But all the stores were sold out, so you went to Chinatown and got him a Giggle-Time All-Mo. Michael Steele is the Republican Party's Giggle-Time All-Mo" --Jon Stewart
"Nation, we all know that the march toward socialism continues. Last Tuesday, Congress passed the Lilly Ledbetter law, which makes it easier to sue your employer for pay discrimination. No one tell Dianne Feinstein not everyone in Congress gets paid in saltines. Now folks, I say this Ledbetter legislation is unfair. Women are the ones who get discriminated against the most, which means they're going to benefit from this law more than men. That is sexist. Not to mention that many in the business community say '... the measure could ... discourage employers from hiring women.' Exactly. If you can't discriminate against women, what is the point in hiring them? I guess the only reasonable answer is to hire nothing but women and pay them all equally horribly. Well, Obama signed the bill on Thursday, which means I can no longer discriminate legally. From now on, I'm going to have to discriminate under the table, which will be difficult, because that's where I usually do my harassment. It's going to get very crowded down there." --Stephen Colbert
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