"Did you hear how they caught those Secret Service agents with prostitutes in Colombia? Apparently the men were walking around wearing nothing but their sunglasses and those earpieces." – Conan O'Brien
"The Democrats accuse the Republicans of launching a war on women. Then the Republicans accuse the Democrats of the same thing. At this point, who can remember who enacted reproductive health restrictions in 36 states including mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds?" – Stephen Colbert
"If you feel about about so much money in this country going to defense, don't forget, if we didn't spend more money on weapons than every other country combined, then Iran could not put the bomb they don't have on the Koran rocket that doesn't work." – Bill Maher
"Now the North Koreans say they are going to test a nuclear weapon. To which I say please do. Talk about a problem taking care of itself." – Bill Maher
India (and Israel) never signed the nuclear non-proliferation pact, and for the past 30 years their nuclear arsenal sat, growing cobwebs and lacking the latest digital upgrades. The UN Security Council even passed a specific resolution calling on India and Pakistan to cease developing missiles capable of delivering nuclear weapons. Which has been ignored...
Whenever my adopted hometown makes the national news, why does it always have to be embarrassing? I didn't find out until I watched the monologues on the Tonight Show and the Jimmy Fallon Show, that one of my local television stations had broadcast a hardcore porn movie in the place of the Today Show. At that time of the morning, evidently the only employees at the station are engineers, guys more interested in Debbie Does the Rocky Mountains than the cute shenanigans of national news personalities... Keep in mind that I live in the most conservative town in Colorado, and that my representative is Doug Lamborn... It's interesting to know that those cities and states that are considered to be the most conservative also rent out the most porn and have the most strip clubs, right Dallas?