"Only a couple of days until the big Republican Iowa Republican straw poll. Pollsters say it's a dead heat between the guy you never heard of, the guy who used to be somebody, and the woman who has no chance of winning." – Jay Leno
"We owe China more than a trillion dollars. Why don't we just give them Florida?" – Jimmy Kimmel
"I don't want to say the economy is worrisome, but I turned on CNN and MSNBC and the blond anchor lady was just sitting there eating a pint of ice cream." – Bill Maher
I'm surprised that we haven't had more riots around the world. The demonstrations in the Middle East began over rising food prices and the lack of jobs. Neither of those problems have been solved, if anything, they have only gotten worse. Expect riots in Iraq and Afghanistan once the US leaves and the populations realize just how badly their own governments suck... We really haven't had a knock down, send in the tanks riot in Pakistan yet, and once we leave the region, they won't have us as a scapegoat anymore, and can safely turn on each other. Damn, that means that a few more Sufi shrines will get destroyed...
As always, for an even scarier view of the world, we can always go to either Russia or Germany. From Spiegal online: "One month ahead of a state election in Berlin, the far-right extremist NPD party is under fire for a provocative new campaign poster. Party leader Udo Voigt is pictured on a motorcycle with a phrase that translates to "step on the gas," a slogan many are reading as an open allusion to Nazi death chambers..."
"The only way they’re going to pull the debate back from the far right is for liberals to elect their own slate of 60 unstable, looney-toon, mad-as-a-hatter, crazy motherf**kers." –Bill Maher
"So please liberals start trolling Whole Foods parking lots, nude beaches, erotic cake stores, the MSNBC commissary. Anywhere where you might find angry left-wing lunatics to create a party within a party, as the Tea Party is a party within the Republicans, and to show that we will not back down in a crazy-off against anybody. The party within a party will be called the Donner Party." –Bill Maher
"That’s right, we will literally eat each other before we give an inch, and this is our leader, Face Ripper Monkey… And don’t tell me that there already is such an entity on the left, that it’s the ACLU, Greenpeace and MoveOn.org. Oh please, those are educated people lawyers and scientists. We need loudmouths and bad dressers who can match the tea people maniac for maniac, and say to them you think you can be pea brained, single minded, and purple with rage?" –Bill Maher
"Well, the Donner Party is a dog that can bark at a pine cone for nine days and not get tired. You say no new taxes on the rich. We say tax the rich at 100%. You call for a constitutional amendment banning abortion. We call for a federally funded partial birth abortions at the drive-thru at McDonalds. You want Reagan on the fifty dollar bill. We insist on Jeanine Garofalo, because apparently crazy is the new sensible and will not lose the war of bad ideas." –Bill Maher