Sunday, August 14, 2011

Iowa Straw Pole and Hillbilly Handfishing, London Needs Egyptian Peacekeepers,Texas Says Take Rick Perry ... Please

"They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you used to have money." – Jay Leno

"President Obama said this week that the downgrading of our credit rating should give America 'a renewed sense of urgency.' A renewed sense of urgency? The only people that don't think it's urgent are the congressmen that just went on a five week vacation." – Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin's daughter-in-law just gave birth three months after getting married, and thus won the annual Palin Almost Abstinent Award." – Jay Leno

"Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced that he received the endorsement of Jeb Bush, Jr., who is the son of the brother of the former president. Analysts say he's sewn up the crucial 'guy you didn't know existed' vote." – Conan O'Brien

The newspaper delivery people didn't deliver my papers today, and I've been trolling through the news web sites, but it really isn't the same. I'm old fashioned and take satisfaction in holding the paper while I'm reading it, getting newsprint all over my face and hands. Same for reading a book, except its less messy, and I have to return it to the library, afterwards... The big news is that Michele Bachmann won the Iowa straw poll, with Ron Paul coming in second. This is big news in Iowa, perhaps, a big hit with the blue rinse and suspender wearing crowd, but I don't think many people under 30 went and voted. Perhaps the older a person is in Iowa, the closer to death they are, and the more evangelical they are so they don't have to admit how much they have wasted their lives... sorry, I was making an oblique reference to the poem by the mid-western poet James Wright:

Over my head, I see the bronze butterfly,
Asleep on the black trunk,
blowing like a leaf in green shadow.
Down the ravine behind the empty house,
The cowbells follow one another
Into the distances of the afternoon.
To my right,
In a field of sunlight between two pines,
The droppings of last year's horses
Blaze up into golden stones.
I lean back, as the evening darkens and comes on.
A chicken hawk floats over, looking for home.
I have wasted my life.

Tim Pawlenty, who came in a distant third in the straw poll, decided to drop out of the race and go back to that hammock in Minnesota... Now people can dissect the reasons that T-Paw failed to capture the right wing imagination. Mostly, because he is a BORING clone without an original idea expressed during his campaign, whose past accomplishment also blaze up into golden stones,which, upon further examination, is all horse manure... Now, all of the energy wasted sniping at one another can happen among Michele, Rick Perry, and Mit. None of the other candidates count, including the 13 other Texas folk who filed their presidential running papers. The only candidate who sound reasonable and has standards that he won't compromise, is John Huntsman, and who's gonna vote for him outside of Utah? In a culture where the participants get more excited in the show Hillbilly Handfishing than debating the future of our country, you get the candidates that you deserve... that said, I can hardly wait for the next caucus to take place in Colorado next year...

The news that accompanied Rick Perry throwing his hat into the ring also talked about the amount of money he has committed to his campaign. This is actually a form of boosterism by the papers, because Rick doesn't have as many backers as he would like you to believe, so that you might be more willing to go with the flow and donate to his campaign. Just like John McCain never got the endorsement of the Goldwater family in Arizona, so, too, Rick Perry doesn't have the endorsement of the Bush family in Texas. More importantly, Perry doesn't have the support of the "Bushies," who helped finance George W Bush's sojourn out from Texas. In fact, rick Perry has been losing support among average Texas voters lately, where the jobs and water have been drying up; he is seen as the same kind of hypocritical candidate who will say or do anything to get elected, and doesn't have the brain-power to speak off-script... Good thing he is a man with Faith, because that may have to sustain him...

Of course, the real story from Iowa is that Ron Paul came in second. Ron has enough idiosyncratic views to piss off both Republicans and Democrats, while the youth loves that he supports legalizing marijuana.  He also advocates in immediately bringing our soldiers back home, cutting the Pentagon's budget, and getting rid of the Federal Reserve, all which have support from folks all over the political spectrum. Then, he has some incredibly squirrely ideas that make you doubt his sanity, like all other Libertarians. To get the real flavor, you have to listen to him for at least an hour at a time, and in a pinch, listen to his son, who is even weirder, and I don't mean Mormon when I say that.

I read a report that said that the recent heatwave will have affected the crop yield, and that the cost of many items will rise. In fact, the predictions of less yields has prompted the rise in futures trading in commodities, which has guaranteed the rising prices, as the money lost in shorting stock will have to be made up at the cash register, meaning you and I pay to recover the money that others are making and losing in the stock market. Not only should this be illegal, but if we stopped futures trading and allowing short selling, the price of gasoline and food items would be cut by almost half, relieving much of the critical shortage of food in much of the world today... Also, if the large multi-national food corporations allowed poor countries to go back to subsistence agriculture instead on insisting they each grow only one or two products for the world market, they might be able to ward off the inevitable famines, coming to a third world country near you...

Now that the British government resembles more like the 'Syrian government, will they be sending in tanks to patrol the streets of London? Of course, things have settled down now that most of the looters got their flat-screen televisions, and suddenly have nothing else to riot for... Perhaps what Britain needs next is a force of Egyptian peacekeepers... If Bashar al Assad continues to go batshit on his citizens, I almost expect the Egyptian Army to invade and send him to the same hospital as Hosni Mubarak is dying in. Add Moammar Qaddaffi and the head of Hezbollah, and they will have enough for an endless game of cards... both turkey and the Saudis have said that they will support Assad if he stops murdering his citizens and calling them members of al Qaeda...

Speaking of al Qaeda, the CIA propagandists have been hard at work, trying to link the Yemeni al Qaeda movement to the making of the poison ricen. They also keep trying to pin all the blame of the Yemeni franchise of al Qaeda on the American, Anwar al Awlaki. He gets mentioned in every press briefing on Yemen, and soon we will mount a multi-million dollar mercenary and drone hunt for him, oh, wait, we already are doing this without informing the american public or most members of Congress. But it's OK, because he has been put on a death list, of people the president says it's OK to kill on sight. I wonder how much larger the death list would be if George W bush was still in office, or if Marcus Bachmann or Todd Palin got their mitts and t-paws on one...

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