Khamenei Bitch Slaps US, Next Tea-Party Signs

Christopher Buckley
Nour Odeh

"Hezbollah craves war but we do not want it. We do not want it but we crave it." - Hassan Nasrallah.

Showing that he really is a tired old man who cannot learn new tricks, Iran's top leader, the Ayatollah Khamenei responded to Barack Obama's video that extended an open hand with a slap in the face. He tried to blame all of the recent unrest in his country on the US, only nobody is buying into it. I don't blame the younger generation of Iranians for wanting a more open society when their leader embarrasses them so, he is worse than Dick Cheney: “The new administration and president claimed interest in just and fair relations, they wrote letters and sent messages ... saying they are willing to normalize relations with the Islamic republic but in practice they did the opposite. If they were able to do it, the U.S. and Zionist regime would have sent troops to Tehran's streets, but they knew it would hurt them. Thus they spread propaganda and supported the rioters " Khamenei added that the “enemies” of the Islamic republic had plans to start “civil war” after last June’s elections. Blaming the United States and Israel for much of the unrest after the presidential election, Khamenei said: "The enemies wanted to divide the people... and to create a civil war, but the nation was alert." This kind of verbiage sounds like it's coming from the Chinese Communist Party. It's always easier to blame some outside Great Satan instead of looking in the mirror. Certainly wouldn't want the Ayatollah to have to give up his private camel and animal herds, where he obtains the fiber for his custom-made cloaks and clothing...


The Iraq vote count is going very slowly, as they don't want to hear the word "fraud," so each vote is recorded four times on separate count sheets. When al Malicki was winning, his rival was claiming fraud and wanted a recount. Now that Allawi is ahead in the count, it is al Maliki who is crying foul and demanding a hand recount. So nobody will be satisfied with the results and it will take several months for the winner to form a government. There are so many factions that there will never be an uneventful election in Iraq, unless Ahmed Chalabi succeeds in becoming Prime Minister and dissolves the Parliament to become the next dictator. Except statues of balding, paunchy old guys are not very dashing or inspirational...

Two things may come of the UN's Ban Ki-Moon visit to Gaza the other day. He saw first hand the incredible poverty and despair people have living amid rubble and bombed buildings. Since he also had visited Haiti, he had a good base for comparison. He may try to apply more pressure on Israel to negotiate. Again, Israel is in the position of power and has the most to give up if a Palestinian state is formed. Second, is that Hamas will have to radically change how it leads and deals with Israel. If they want to continue in power, they are going to have to better try and change the welfare of the citizens of Gaza. Revolutionary rhetoric doesn't put bread on the table, and you can only smuggle so much through the tunnels, as much as Egypt will allow. Hamas is also going to have to have elections soon and face the fact that they may be voted out as easily as they were voted in...

"You know, I was thinking about this health care problem. If you took all the money the Republicans have spent to stop health care and all the money Democrats have spent trying to get health care, we could afford health care." –Jay Leno

I assume that the health care vote will be over by the time I publish this post. Hopefully, the Republicans will have gotten all of the mean and evil thoughts out in one last cathartic shout (obscure reference to a Robert Graves short story here), they will now abandon Mitch McConnell's ill-advised strategies, and Congress becomes a more civil place to work. I certainly don't think that the right wing can get as over-the-top emotionally over finance reforms and immigration policy... or maybe I am naive. I can just see the distorted kinds of bumper-stickers and signs being made:

Fiscal Transparency is Fascist

Mr Obama, Tear Down this Wall

Birth Certificates Not Stock Certificates

late night jokes:

"Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. Republicans are now working on declaring March 18 as St. Obama Day. They want to honor the president for driving all the Democrats out of Washington." –Jay Leno

"Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich announced he will change his no vote and he will vote yes on health care. Now, I don't want to imply he made a deal, but he announced it at Cleveland's new Airport, which is right next to the Dennis Kucinich Highway and the new Dennis Kucinich Middle School." –Jay Leno

"Yesterday, President Obama appeared on Fox News to pitch his health care. Obama was on Fox. That's like George W. Bush being on The Learning Channel." –Jay Leno

"And 80-year-old Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens said he's considering retirement, either that or playing for the Minnesota Vikings next season." –Jay Leno

"PepsiCo announced it will voluntarily remove all high-calorie sweetened drinks from schools — no more sugary drinks in schools. This is part of their new program, 'Leave No Child With a Bigger Behind.'" –Jay Leno

"You guys excited for March Madness? Had some great matchups so far. B.Y.U. versus Florida. Old Dominion versus Notre Dame. Obama versus Fox News." –Jimmy Fallon

"Obama was a great ballplayer when he was a kid, but naturally, the other team never let him pass anything." –Jimmy Fallon