“Overnight, the media went from being watchdogs for the people to guard dogs for the government. That’s with the exception of Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann, who are lapdogs of the government,” - Ann Coulter
“Who put two wars on a credit card?” Maher asked. “There is this debt because George Bush spent money like a pimp with a week to live.” - Bill Maher
C Q Politics: has profiled Mark Udall in a piece on freshmen Senators: "Mark Udall of Colorado spent a decade in the House slowly inching up the House leadership ladder. Now, just nine weeks into his Senate career, he’s working from a post where he can influence his party’s agenda on Capitol Hill. As a newly minted deputy whip, Udall is charged with building close ties between Democratic leaders and a gaggle of senators just like him — the freshmen who will be crucial to so much of President Obama’s legislative success.
The Senate Democratic Class of 2008 already ranks as one of the biggest groups of majority party newcomers in modern times. This year, the seven Democrats who were elected for the first time last fall have been joined by four people appointed to succeed senators who left for the Obama administration (the president among them) — and the group may yet grow to a dozen if Al Franken ends up prevailing in Minnesota. (By contrast, there are just two GOP freshmen: Idaho’s Jim Risch and Nebraska’s Mike Johanns .)
Udall’s boss, Majority Whip Richard J. Durbin of Illinois, and other senior Democrats want to galvanize a firewall of freshman support behind Obama’s legislative initiatives, in much the same way that Democratic Senate leaders tapped the class of 16 Democrats first elected alongside Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1932 to be partners in the early days of the New Deal. But in trying to keep the newcomers in the party’s corner, Udall and other leaders have to perform a delicate balancing act."
From the NY Times: "In a speech before the Council on Foreign Relations in Washington, Mr. Bernanke said the financial system needed to be regulated “as a whole, in a holistic way” and that stricter oversight of banks would not be enough to guard against future crises...
He said that the failures of government oversight systems and private risk management helped to precipitate the economic crisis by not ensuring that a flood of foreign money into the United States was prudently invested. Credit markets seized up and global economies began contracting in what Mr. Bernanke called the worst financial crisis since the 1930s...
He called for a review of the accounting rules that govern how companies value assets — a crucial issue as banks struggle under the weight of mortgage-related debts whose underlying values have fallen as housing prices crumbled. Mr. Bernanke said accounting rules and other financial regulations should not amplify the natural ups and downs in market cycles."
Late night jokes:
"The federal government agreed on Sunday to provide an additional $30 billion to AIG. According to AIG, $15 billion will be used to build the world's biggest toilet, down which the other $15 billion will be flushed." -- Seth Meyers
"Citigroup on Thursday set another milestone as the beleaguered bank dropped below $1 a share, marking the first stock to be offered on the McDonalds value meal." -- Seth Meyers
"The Iranian government this week has demanded an apology from Hollywood saying the movies 300 and The Wrestler were insulting to Iranians. Well how about this, Iran: You apologize for the hostage crisis, pursuing nuclear weapons, high gas prices, financing Hamas, denying the Holocaust and setting fire to the Danish embassy because of a couple cartoons, and then you'll get an apology for The Wrestler." -- Seth Meyers
"What I find so amusing about all of this is that Obama's been in office 45 days roughly, and the public is blaming this all on him. It's the Obama Recession, which is kind of true, because if McCain had won, Sarah Palin would still be buying clothes." -- Bill Maher
"No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday, Obama has gray hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough." -- Bill Maher
"I have some exciting news, the Obama family is finally getting their dog! Yeah, they say they're getting a Portuguese Water Dog. And today, Rush Limbaugh said he hopes the dog fails!" -- Jay Leno
"In a stunning move, Rush Limbaugh has challenged President Obama to a debate. Oh, please! There's no way President Obama could do that. He'd have to move up, what, at least five weight classes. You know what Obama should do? He should debate him if Rush goes on a 5K run." -- Jay Leno
"President Obama got some good news today. It seems so many of his cabinet appointees have been forced to pay their back taxes, he now gets a finder's fee from the IRS." -- Jay Leno
"Hey, we wanna wish former First Lady Barbara Bush well. She's recovering in the hospital after heart surgery, while the rest of us are caught recovering from her son's presidency." -- Jay Leno
"It was on this day in 1923 that the first old-age pensions in America were created. It was based on the idea that as you work, you put a little money in investments so you'd have some saved up for when you retire. How dumb were those people? Could you imagine falling for that today?" -- Jay Leno
"Putting your money in the stock market? ... The economy's in bad shape. Saw Jack Nicholson scalping Laker tickets that's how bad." -- Jay Leno
"The economy is so bad O.J. had to shut down the DNA lab he was using to find the real killers. That's how bad." -- Jay Leno
"I'll tell you how bad the stock market is, I saw a kid on spring break today and he was sober." -- Jay Leno
"Well according to National Enquirer, John Edwards has admitted to his wife that he fathered a love child with his mistress. Is it really a love child? Isn't it more like a 'Hurry up before my wife gets home child?'" -- Jay Leno
"The economy is so bad, the economy is so terrible out there. In fact, guys are going to the strip club now, they're making it rain with food stamps." -- Jimmy Fallon
"CNN Dr. Sanjay Gupta, you hear this guy? You hear about Gupta? Gupta turned down the Surgeon General job because he was going to have to take a pay cut. You have no idea how much CNN is paying him to keep Larry King alive." -- Jimmy Fallon
"This weekend is Daylight Savings Time, don't forget. Spring forward, that's what you do. Yeah, you lose one hour of sleep, but under Obama's tax plan you lose two. He's getting his hands in everything." -- Jimmy Fallon
"Finally, Esquire magazine just released its list of the best dressed men in the world. Barack Obama was number four. Coming in first? Hillary Clinton." -- Jimmy Fallon