Herman Cain Wuz Scammed, Rick Perry Scams Us, Those Naive Qud Generals

Bruce Riedel
Paul Krugman

"One of the guys accused of organizing the Iranian plot to kill the Saudi ambassador is a used car salesman from Texas. Just when you thought terrorists couldn't get any lower." – Jay Leno

"Rick Perry's advisers said he prepared for the last debate by getting a lot more sleep. Apparently, he did it during the debate." – Jay Leno

"At one point, Rick Aantorum was interrupted by a gay heckler. But then Michele Bachmann told her husband, 'Just shut up and sit down.'" – Jay Leno

Surprise surprise! The big swinging dicks of Wall Street may think that the protesters are lazy, naive hippies, but today there were Occupy Wall Street protests in over 900 cities world-wide. Commerce may be the lifeblood of our civilization, but ripping people off is not...


In the aftermath of the US revelations about the Iranian assassination screw-up, those pundits with vast knowledge of the professional ways of the Quds Force branch of the Revolutionary Guards all say that it just doesn't sound like how they would conduct business. Even the Ayatollah Khamenei dismisses it as so much American fantasy... But, let's be honest, the Revolutionary Guard is like most armies that haven't fought a battle in over 30 years, over-hyped and more interested in commerce and the easy intimidation of Iranian citizens and Iraqi nationals.

For a country whose top leaders don't get out much, and Mr Khamenei hasn't traveled much outside of his housing compound since 1979, they tend to rely more on the CNN headlines to tell them how the world works, and their viewpoint is flat and two-dimensional. When this naive type of person watches al Jazeera and sees coverage of Mexican drug cartels murdering people in great batches at a time, it's easy to assume that the enemy of your enemy could be hired to be your friend. And just as easy to believe that the cousin of a great Quds general is also a great person, not some poor used car salesman barely scraping by, dreaming of any kind of score involving easy money... If the cursed Israelis and Americans can kill off our scientists on our soil, it makes perfect sense to kill some of theirs on their own soil. And if the American President can have a hit list that justifies killing, why can't the leaders of every other nation have one, too?

Herman Cain got scammed, and he's just now figuring it out. Turns out that his much touted 9-9-9 economic plan was lifted from the 2003 edition of SimCity. Turns out that Mr Cain doesn't do any fact checking before putting it on his website, and in interviews he has said that his economic advisors are two guys that he has to keep secret, and one guy that works in a branch office of a Ohio Wells Fargo... Either his secret advisors are Beavis and Butthead, and they are snickering at the tube every time he mentions 9-9-9, or Mr Herman Cain is also scamming the American people. After all, he has taken a page from Sarah Palin's playbook and gone on booktour...

Rick Perry unveiled his solution to the jobs problem on Friday, and it proved to be a huge dud. Not only wasn't it original, but he copied from an industry report endorsed by the American Petroleum Institute. Mr Perry pretty much proves that he wasn't that great of a student... Basically, he wants to open up all Federal land to oil and natural gas exploration. It would mean more profit for the oil companies, and not much money to us for the oil leases; critics have said that it would not add any more jobs unless you are an unemployed geologist...

I figure that the reason most extreme conservatives are so dumb, is because its too difficult to both think while keeping their anuses puckered so tight...