"Who might be Bin Laden's successor? If they're looking for someone with a large following who's a religious zealot and hates the Jews...Mel Gibson?" – Bill Maher
"In the wake of President Obama's decision to not release pictures of Osama bin Laden's body, a number of new conspiracy theories are surfacing claiming that bin Laden is not really dead. Which means Barack Obama will go down in history as the first black person ever to have to prove that he killed someone." – Seth Meyers
"Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp." –Jay Leno
"Bin Laden was buried at sea. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, 'the ultimate waterboarding.'" –Jay Leno
"In a stunning flip-flop, the White House says it will not release the photo of bin Laden. Now we have to wait for Donald Trump to force them to release it." –Jay Leno
David Letterman's "Top Ten Good Things About Having Osama bin Laden As A Neighbor"
10. Didn't matter how loud a party got, there was no way he was calling the cops
9. No one gave us better hugs
8. Did shirtless Tai Chi in the yard — you're welcome, ladies!
7. He did a lot of volunteer work at the JCC
6. Very quiet, except on rare occasions when Navy SEALs would raid his house and kill him
5. Having a celebrity in the neighborhood is always good for property values
4. Olympic-sized camel-shaped pool
3. The adorable way he'd shout 'Death to weeds!' when mowing the lawn
2. At barbecues he made his famous 'Fatwa Franks'
1. You were never the biggest jerk in the neighborhood
a report just came out, claiming that nursing homes are prescribing way too much anti-depressants to their elderly patients, which is no surprise. Along with prescribing them to children under 5 years old, giving grandpa and grandma medicine that will help keep them docile while being cared for by others, costing the government over $132 million per year: “Government, taxpayers, nursing home residents as well as their families and caregivers should be outraged and seek solutions,” Daniel R. Levinson, inspector general of the Department of Health and Human Services, wrote in announcing the audit results.
Mr. Levinson noted that such drugs — which include Risperdal, Zyprexa, Seroquel, Abilify and Geodon — are “potentially lethal” to many of the patients getting them and that some drug manufacturers illegally marketed their medicines for these uses “putting profits before safety.”
The 800 lb gorilla that's in the room is that it's depressing getting older, watching your body fail, and the ones you love grow senile, or vice versa...
Not only is the Pakistani military a closed society like the military everywhere, where high ranking officers are coddled and obeyed well past retirement, but you have tribal ethnicities to take into account, plus any religious cults that are adhered to. Most Asian generals are treated like ancient warlords, and have a retinue that sucks up to them for life. If one is threatened, the rest form a tight circle, ready to lash out in any form that will help. Look at the one that has currently formed around Syria's Bashar al Assad... And Abbadobad is a town filled with retired generals, active generals and servicemen, and a war college. It's considered a low crime area, very important for an al Qaeda commander, can't have someone sneaking in to steal the Vasoline... Anyway, the retired general who offered his protection to bin Laden, will be someone who was assigned to be friendly with the Afghans, and was around when al Qaeda was considered an ally fighting the invading Soviets... And being overshadowed by the events about bin Laden is the fact that the general who planned the massacre in Mumbai has been named, getting ready for a public sacrifice to bolster the civilian part of the government...
Some good news is that Obam's schooling of Donald Trump worked (yes, the bin Laden announcement was done on purpose to break into Celebrity Apprentice...), and The Donald's popularity has fallen from first place to fifth place, tied with Ron Paul. Only, Ron Paul makes more sense than he does...