Osama, and the Self-Delusions of Newt Gingrich

Timothy Egan
Paul Krugman
Dana Milbank

"Who might be Bin Laden's successor? If they're looking for someone with a large following who's a religious zealot and hates the Jews...Mel Gibson?" – Bill Maher

"In the wake of President Obama's decision to not release pictures of Osama bin Laden's body, a number of new conspiracy theories are surfacing claiming that bin Laden is not really dead. Which means Barack Obama will go down in history as the first black person ever to have to prove that he killed someone." – Seth Meyers

"Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp." –Jay Leno

"Bin Laden was buried at sea. Or as Dick Cheney calls it, 'the ultimate waterboarding.'" –Jay Leno

"In a stunning flip-flop, the White House says it will not release the photo of bin Laden. Now we have to wait for Donald Trump to force them to release it." –Jay Leno

David Letterman's "Top Ten Good Things About Having Osama bin Laden As A Neighbor"

10. Didn't matter how loud a party got, there was no way he was calling the cops
9. No one gave us better hugs
8. Did shirtless Tai Chi in the yard — you're welcome, ladies!
7. He did a lot of volunteer work at the JCC
6. Very quiet, except on rare occasions when Navy SEALs would raid his house and kill him
5. Having a celebrity in the neighborhood is always good for property values
4. Olympic-sized camel-shaped pool
3. The adorable way he'd shout 'Death to weeds!' when mowing the lawn
2. At barbecues he made his famous 'Fatwa Franks'
1. You were never the biggest jerk in the neighborhood

Ah, me. I've spent the last three days with my feet elevated above my head, with my legs slathered with lotions and potions, trying to get them to stop turning purple and getting the blisters to heal. the alternative is watching them die and having my legs amputated, so I have followed the doctor's instructions this time, finally believing what he is telling me. Because I'm a grumpy old man, it took some time before it all sank in. If you are diabetic, please start eating correctly and watching your sugar and salt intake. Unfortunately, almost everything you buy at the market contains either sugar or too much salt, including the "healthy" breads and cereals... a report just came out, claiming that nursing homes are prescribing way too much anti-depressants to their elderly patients, which is no surprise. Along with prescribing them to children under 5 years old, giving grandpa and grandma medicine that will help keep them docile while being cared for by others, costing the government over $132 million per year: “Government, taxpayers, nursing home residents as well as their families and caregivers should be outraged and seek solutions,” Daniel R. Levinson, inspector general of the Department of Health and Human Services, wrote in announcing the audit results.


Mr. Levinson noted that such drugs — which include Risperdal, Zyprexa, Seroquel, Abilify and Geodon — are “potentially lethal” to many of the patients getting them and that some drug manufacturers illegally marketed their medicines for these uses “putting profits before safety.”

The 800 lb gorilla that's in the room is that it's depressing getting older, watching your body fail, and the ones you love grow senile, or vice versa...

It's interesting watching all of the different countries express their displeasure with the US, and the act of getting Osama bin Laden. If the Russians had done it, people would be exclaiming "Holy Shit, beware of those Cossacks!" If Israel had done it, people would exclaim "Holy shit, it's the Mossad again!" But, because it's the US, everyone feels they must get back at us by sending their lawyers over to make their arguments in court...  It will also be interesting to find out, once all of the blustering and posturing is finished by the Pakistanis, if we'll ever get real information out of them.

Not only is the Pakistani military a closed society like the military everywhere, where high ranking officers are coddled and obeyed well past retirement, but you have tribal ethnicities to take into account, plus any religious cults that are adhered to. Most Asian generals are treated like ancient warlords, and have a retinue that sucks up to them for life. If one is threatened, the rest form a tight circle, ready to lash out in any form that will help. Look at the one that has currently formed around Syria's Bashar al Assad... And Abbadobad is a town filled with retired generals, active generals and servicemen, and a war college. It's considered a low crime area, very important for an al Qaeda commander, can't have someone sneaking in to steal the Vasoline... Anyway, the retired general who offered his protection to bin Laden, will be someone who was assigned to be friendly with the Afghans, and was around when al Qaeda was considered an ally fighting the invading Soviets... And being overshadowed by the events about bin Laden is the fact that the general who planned the massacre in Mumbai has been named, getting ready for a public sacrifice to bolster the civilian part of the government...

One of my favorite people I love to bash, Newt Gingrich, is supposed to announce he will run for the Republican nomination for President on Wednesday. Of course, it was purposely leaked a day in advance to drum up interest and make sure that enough reporters will show up... Newt maybe more self-delusional than Osama was, believing that he is a good man for our country, that he is an intellectual, leading light of the conservative movement.

He will try to ignore the questions about his ugly, hypocritical past, where he failed as Speaker of the House, and had to be removed in shame and embarrassment. He believes that his conversion to Catholicism has made him a more moral man, but already he has thrust his current wife in front of himself, willing to let her take the first bullets from reporters, so he hasn't changed all that much. OK, he did jump in and change the subject when a reporter asked Callista how she dealt with being the younger woman Newt was having an affair with before he married her. I'd ask how her health was, since Newt tends to leave his wives once the enter the hospital for any reason... But since she's 25 years younger, you'd expect the roles to be reversed, maybe that's the edge of danger that Newt finds so tantalizing - that any minute she could kill him in bed - and in some twisted fantasy he imagines that he is paying penance for the way he left his last two wives. And, in some twisted self-delusion, he imagines that people will want him to become President, other than the Democrats, who are praying that he wins the nomination. You see, he is not doing all of this for his ego, but because he is kind enough to fulfill the people's desire to have him run for public office, he fulfills their destiny. At some point he will have to face someone other than Fox News, he can't plan his whole campaign around answering easy questions by Greta van Susteren, like Sarah Paln does...

Some good news is that Obam's schooling of Donald Trump worked (yes, the bin Laden announcement was done on purpose to break into Celebrity Apprentice...), and The Donald's popularity has fallen from first place to fifth place, tied with Ron Paul. Only, Ron Paul makes more sense than he does...