"It's possible to still love The Apprentice even if you hate Trump's politics. In Trump's case, he's consistently shown as someone who cannot handle complex thinking, usually deals with evidence delivered secondhand, and always convinces himself that he's right. Which makes him, perhaps, the perfect presidential candidate for the Republican Party." - Andy Dehnart
"It just came out that Donald Trump once called Ronald Reagan 'a con man who couldn't deliver the goods.' Trump also called Abraham Lincoln 'a bearded moron who couldn't even sit through an hour of theater.'" – Conan O'Brien
"Sarah Palin has a 61 percent unfavorable rating in Alaska. That number jumps to 100 percent if you only ask the animals." – Conan O'Brien
The next meeting of the Arab League will certainly be awkward.
The religious intolerance shown in Iraq, by attacking Christians and making life unpleasant enough that they will leave the country, may end up with more US troops stationed there than originally planned. The rest will be led by drones down the shining path towards Tripoli, the new bi-polar capital of Libya. God only knows what has happened to Qaddafi's mental stability, if we thought he was eccentric and dingy before, we can hardly wait and see what his first post-protest rally will look like. Thankfully, he has his brutal sons to take over for him, and can keep him locked up and talking to himself like an old Hollywood actress aged past her prime... But what will probably happen is that al Jazeera will sign up the Qaddafi's for a reality television show, Life With Moammar... I know it will be a hit throughout the Middle East, and to attract an American audience we can sign up Ozzy Osborne and Kim Kardashian, or one of their lesser know offspring or siblings, hosted by Donald Trump...
"But I wish Jon Kyl had gone a step farther. If you’re not intending to make a factual statement, why even say something with numbers in it? Go big, or go home, say I! If you don’t even vaguely sort of possibly intend to make a factual statement, the sky is the limit. You could just start reciting the Book of Job. You could say something colorful, like, “Planned Parenthood is responsible for what happened to the unicorns” or just look into the eyes of Congress and murmur, “I love you.”
TPM reported that John then went to the Congressional Record and changed his statement so he wouldn't look so bad and hopefully, thwarting future searches on the Internet. The original statement from Kyl: "If you want an abortion you go to Planned Parenthood and that's well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does."
After Kyl amended his remarks, the congressional record now reads: "If you want an abortion you go to Planned Parenthood and that is what Planned Parenthood does."
Stephen Colbert then started a thread on Twitter, letting his readers come up with bunches of clever Kylisms. Stephen began the fun with this: "Jon Kyl is one of Gaddafi's sexy female ninja guards#notintendedtobeafactualstatement
Jon Kyl is an accomplished nude hula dancer. He is not welcome in Hawaii.
For the past 10 years, Jon Kyl has been two children in a very convincing Jon Kyl suit.
Jon Kyl cheated on Sandra Bullock.
Once a year, Jon Kyl retreats to the Arizona desert and deposits 2 million egg sacs under the sand.
Citing religious reasons, Jon Kyl refuses to utter the number 8.
Jon Kyl once ate a badger he hit with his car.
Carly Simon wrote that song about Jon Kyl.
Legally, Jon Kyl cannot be within 100 yards of Helen Mirren.
Jon Kyl has a shrine to Scooter from the Muppet Show.
Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.
Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner.
"Tax Cuts Pay for Themselves."
"The Estate Tax Destroys Family Farms and Small Businesses."
"A Government Takeover of Health Care."
"No American is Denied Health Care."
"The Health Care Law Adds to the Deficit."
"Barack Obama Was Not Born in the United States."
"Barack Obama is a Muslim."
"Public Employees Are Overpaid."
"We Went to War [with Iraq] Because We Were Attacked."
"Abortion Causes Cancer and Psychological Trauma for Women."