Korean War, Harrisphobia, So, These Two Federal Agents Hired To Transport Nuclear Material Walk Into A Bar...

Richard Cohen
Meghan McCain

"President Obama said GM's comeback would be the success story of this recession. GM said it wanted to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota’s brakes, Toyota’s steering and Toyota's accelerator." – Jimmy Fallon

"A group of economists unveiled a new plan to reduce the deficit by $6 trillion in the next 10 years. The first step of the plan is to look at all our spending over the past five years, determine what’s unnecessary . . . and then ask China for $6 trillion." – Jimmy Fallon

Stop me if you've heard this one: So, these two federal agents hired to transport nuclear material walk into a bar... The Energy Department's National Nuclear Security Administration is sure hoping you haven't, after a watchdog group let it slip to the media that two of their agents were taken from a bar drunker than two skunks. The Energy Dept wants you to know that the agents weren't driving at the time, and had secured the truck at a safe haven for the night... During the years 2007 - 2009 there were 16 alcohol related incidents involving agents contracted to transport nuclear materials. No data on this year. What surprises me is the amount of nuclear material that is being transported all over our country, using over 600 contracted firms. That's a helluva lot, and the next question is what is all of that nuclear material doing? Is it nuclear waste headed towards Nevada, or is it isotopes being sent around in delivery vans for specific projects? Something to think about the next time you are in a motel, stranded out on I-70 or I-25 and you see these shadowy governmental-like figures getting ice from the machine outside your door... The only thing that might make me more worried is if they were playing heavy metal music at top volume and were thrashing their heads back and forth at the time...


In other reassuring news, the military DID NOT DISCHARGE any gay people from its ranks last month. Supposedly, this is seen as progress, thought you'd like to know...

The most screwed up news story comes from the Korean Peninsula, a tale of paranoia and amphetamine-fed aggression that could possibly escalate into FUBAR realm. First, we need to know that North Korea and South Korea never ended the war against each other, they have been in an uneasy truce for over 50 years... Next, it was recently unveiled that North Korea has an uranium enrichment plant with over 2000 centrifuges, and had been kept secret until a few weeks ago.

The US responded immediately by sending an envoy to try and settle nerves. This morning, South Korea fired some shells out towards the Yellow Sea in some exercises designed to provoke the North. It worked, with the North responding by firing shells of its own towards an inhabited island, setting over 70 buildings on fire, killing two soldiers, and injuring 19 more... Either things will calm down, or we will wake up tomorrow annexing North Korea. This may also be an indication that the newest Il-Sung is more bat-shit crazy than his old man, or at least their military is commanded by some old general who keeps having visions of glory for the motherland... If you are a paranoid North Korean leader, may I suggest you stop going mushrooming, eating them can only make your situation worse... Surprisingly, the South Koreans have been rather restrained, saying that we'll retaliate if you do it again!

This is why countries with bat-shit crazy leaders get a little more leeway than the rest of us, there's no telling what they will do next, and a great reason to start up a global medical marijuana program...

There was a flap last week involving incoming Republican House Representative Andy Harris, a doctor who had campaigned against "Obamacare." He threw a public fit when he found out that the Congressional health benefits don't kick in until after a month that you begin serving. He wanted his now!! and got called a hypocrite for being so shallow.

Now there is a movement, probably Democratically inspired, to have all of the incoming Republican Congressment give up their government provided health benefits, since they don't believe that anyone else should have them, either. A poll was taken among Republican voters, with the results being that "28% of Republicans say take the benefits; 58% say don't." according to TPM. If the GOP members of Congress keep this behavior up, giving up their benefits, giving up earmarks, (giving up lobbyists fees should be the next one) they will eventually turn out to be our saviors and single-handedly balance out budget by 2012... NOT! We'll see how long they can keep up the charade and who will crack under pressure...

I look back at the events of the day, and I'm sure glad that John McCain and Sarah Palin were not in charge to deal with them...