Glenn's Religious Epiphany, Oliver North and Paris Hilton Our Next Iran Negotiators?

Paul Krugman
EJ Dionne Jr

“I can’t spend all my time with my birth certificate plastered on my forehead,” - Barack Obama

"The president has chosen not to engage the nation in an extended dialogue about what holds all of his achievements together, or why his attitude toward government makes more sense than the scattershot conservative attacks on everything Washington might do to improve the nation's lot." - EJ dionne Jr-

"And we felt some sympathy for the Tea Party types who want to march on Frankenstein’s castle and burn it down. If they ever have the misfortune to get into power, they will discover how much of the problem stems from the sloth, complacency, ignorance and incompetence of ordinary Americans. " - David Goldman

Well, now that we have had our honor restored this past weekend, how are you feeling? Not even the teensiest holier-than-thou? I'm still trying to figure out the purpose behind Glenn Beck's three hour rally in front of the Lincoln Memorial, it's a puzzle. Because I want to ascribe to something nobler than a giant ego trip for Mr Beck, who had hinted at being delusional, hearing voices inside of his head. He was hoping for something more, too, that the voices yelling at him would materialize,and we would all proclaim that we had witnessed a miracle... And now, he will spend the next few weeks trying to wring something substantial out of the whole, boring mess. Serving of stone soup, anyone?

When the Palestinian negotiations begin in Washington, Mr Obama should lock Mahmoud Abbas and Benjamin Netanyahu in a room and not let them out until it is done. Thank God that Bibi doesn't keep kosher in his meals... Despite the cynical observations of every other interested party, there is a 50-50% chance that it might work. A workable Palestinian state might be considered a miracle,  hopefully it signifies that the two parties have matured into kinder, gentler politicians who no longer will get their shorts tied into knots at the slightest perceived offense... Stranger things have happened, Richard Nixon is still celebrated in China for his visit, he is still toasted as having been a great friend to the people of China. If that can happen, why not have history's moving finger write that these miserably vain, shallow men were friends of the Palestinian and Israeli people? I wonder what kind of beer Obama will serve everyone?

And if the Palestinians and Israelis can sit down and be polite, why not also sit down and talk civilly with Iran and North Korea? Instead of them being the major hub of the axis of evil, why can't they become our next hub of best-friends-forever? "That's hot!" as Paris Hilton would say, if she were out of jail. Again. I'm sure that Iran secretly yearns for the good old days, when they could buy US arms to help the cause of freedom fighters throughout Central America. And why not let someone like that treasonous old snake Oliver North, who looks like Mel Gibson's deranged twin these days, redeem himself and be our point man in Tehran once again for such delicate and sensitive matters... We could send both Ollie and Paris in as a team, and film it for reality television. I'd pay to see them in a room with the Iranian top brass. Throw in Joe Biden and Rand Paul, now, that's entertainment, right Hillary?...

I just realized that if Sarah Palin were to get herself elected as our next president, she truly would become our first socialistic president. Her first action as president would be to give everyone their own Facebook account, so that she can communicate to us... Smaller government can mean not having a press secretary...

If Rand Paul gets elected, what kind of verbal fighting would he get into with his dad? We know that all sons are rebellious towards their fathers once they are grown up, so what would happen if Ron and Rand began to spar on the floor of Congress? Would Rand shut up if his father told him to? Another reason to make sure that your cable company is broadcasting CSPAN...

What if all of the tea party candidates got elected, and then declined to join the Tea Party Caucus? Chairwoman Michele Bachmann would have to drink her Earl Grey alone...

If the Republicans won a majority in this mid-term election, and John Boehner took over Nancy Pelosi's office, would he debate Barack Obama? That would be a fun thing to watch, they could debate on television every Friday night, a five or ten-minute segment that could be attached to your favorite news show. Of course, as the weeks go by, John would appear less and less sober, perhaps his orange would crack and begin to peel...