Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Mother Theresa, Joseph Stalin, and Michael Steele, MOO MOO

Maureen Dowd
Kathleen Parker
Dana Milbank

"The answer is . . . drum roll, please . . . women.
If the GOP is really serious about expanding the party, it's time for the men to hush and let the pros take over."    - Kathleen Parker
"You can hear a receptionist chirping: “Cheney, Cheney & Cheney. Who would you like to target today?” - Maureen Dowd
"But it's a little too soon to blame Gloria Steinem for our dependence on SSRIs."  -
Barbara Ehrenreich

I hear you knocking...
Albania and Macedonia are feuding over the right to call Mother Theresa their own. Mother T was born in Macedonia, lived in Albania when the two were one, big happy country, before traveling to India and working in the slums to alleviate the horrible poverty and living conditions of the lower castes.

Albania took an agressive move, and DEMANDED that India send her remains back to her homeland, meaning themselves. The New York Times reports on India's fitting response: "India on Tuesday rejected a demand by the Albanian government that the remains of the Nobel Peace Prize laureate Mother Teresa, now buried in Calcutta, be sent to Albania. Mother Teresa, an ethnic Albanian nun who was born in what is now Macedonia, was given Indian citizenship in 1951. “Mother Teresa was an Indian citizen, and she is resting in her own country, her own land,” said Vishnu Prakash, a Foreign Ministry spokesman."

Just to even out all of the nice stories about her, Mother T was known by those who worked with her as having a short temper and always insisting on having things her way, which must be due to her Albanian heritage. She was often referred to as "that little Nazi nun" by her detractors, much like our current Pope is referred to by non-Catholics... Here's hoping that someone just as devoted will dedicate themselves to the children born with birth defects in Iraq.

oh, those bloodthirsty cannibals...
In an attempt to rewrite history and whitewash his family's past, the grandson of Joseph Satlin sued a newspaper for libel. From the AP: "A Russian court ruled against Josef Stalin’s grandson on Tuesday in a libel suit over a newspaper article that said the Soviet dictator had sent thousands of people to their deaths. A judge at a Moscow district court rejected the claim that the newspaper, Novaya Gazeta, damaged Stalin’s honor and dignity in an April article that referred to him as a “bloodthirsty cannibal.” Stalin’s grandson, Yevgeny Dzhugashvili, who did not attend the trial, had demanded a retraction, a public apology and monetary damages. The ruling was a rare victory for Stalin’s critics in their fight against efforts to rehabilitate the dictator, who according to the rights group Memorial ordered the deaths of at least 724,000 people during a series of purges that peaked in the late 1930s. “What should have happened, happened,” said Anatoly Yablokov, the article’s writer. “It’s a decision based on the law.”

Even Nikita Kruschev, who spent many years carrying out Stalin's whims and would've been the last person thought to say anything negative, told a stunned Politburo that Stalin was a murderous bastard. Of course, he waited until after the man had died because he didn't have the courage to say it to his face...

And Hillary Clinton urges the Russian political system to open up and allow more dissent, because its worked so well here in America. No, really, it has. Just don't allow it to become the suicide bombing kind of dissent that is so popular in Iraq, Pakistan, and Afghanistan, where the US influence has been so positive. In response, the russian government has announced that it is changing its name to Putinland.

a steaming pile of Michael Steele...
Whenever I need a little pick me up, I search out what Michael Steele has been saying lately. He is like a good cup of coffee: bold, fresh, and steaming...

"Appearing on Fox this morning to talk health care reform, Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele offered two contradictory -- and somewhat baffling -- metaphors for bipartisanship.

"I'm not trying to be an obstructionist here. To the contrary, I'm saying, Can we all get in the room and have a Rodney King moment?" 

Later in the interview, the Fox anchor had noted that Democrats are saying the health care reform train has "already left the station" and "Republicans better jump on board."

"Well, I'm the cow on the tracks. You're gonna have to stop that train to get this cow off the track to move forward," To celebrate this moment, with the cow staring into the headlights of an oncoming train, you may want to visit the new, improved GOP website: MOO!

late night political jokes:

"President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize comes with $1.4 million in cash. Or as Fox News reported it, 'Obama Caught Taking Bribe from Swedish Government.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The Nobel committee said he won for creating a new climate for international politics. which sounds so much nicer than 'In your face George Bush you cowboy a**hole.'" --Bill Maher

"Conservatives say the award represents everything they stand against: black people, foreigners, and peace." --Bill Maher

"Obama said he will attend the ceremony in Oslo if he's not too busy with the two wars he's conducting." --Bill Maher

"Congratulations to Barack Obama -- he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. " --Jay Leno

"President Obama said he was humbled to win the prize. Not as humble as he was when Rio got the Olympics. But still humble." --Jay Leno

"President Obama said he will go to Oslo, Norway to collect the award. Roman Polanski said, 'It's a trick -- don't go; you'll be arrested.'" --Jay Leno

"Congratulations to President Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning. That's quite an accomplishment. I'm sure he'll pick it up as soon as he's finished fighting two wars." --Jimmy Fallon

"Along with the Nobel Peace Prize President Obama also gets $1.4 million. Usually to get a check that big you need to blackmail David Letterman." --Jimmy Fallon

"The White House admitted that they made a mistake by not inviting women to play in President Obama's basketball game last night. Although it would have made 'shirts vs. skins' a little awkward. " --Jimmy Fallon

"The women really wanted to play. Nancy Pelosi had her game face on. Of course, when does she not have her game face on?" --Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs You Won't Win A Nobel Prize

10. You invented swine flu
9. Misspelled 'Nobel' and 'Prize' on application
8. Mathematics paper notes 'all figures approximate'
7. There's no Nobel Prize for napping
6. Your peacemaking efforts focused on Jon and Kate
5. You're up against Tina Fey — she wins everything!
4. Only prize you've ever won was for eating 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes
3. Devoted your life to creating a sushi that will still allow Jeremy Piven to act
2. Only medical experience? Sticking a needle in A-Rod's ass
1. Barack Obama flew to Sweden to plead on your behalf

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