Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Jail or Jihad, Iran's Top Jew, Republican Godfather

Maureen Dowd
Kathleen Parker
Dana Milbank

FTC Ruling on Blogs
James Gattuso

"Where, oh, where is Flannery O'Connor when we need her?"  - Kathleen Parker
"Some of you may know me as the biggest threat to democracy in America. And most recently some of you may know me as the head of an international brothel network." - Bertha Lewis

In light on the recent FTC ruling on blog advertising and James Gattuso's response to it, I have not been paid by any advertiser to espouse their opinions, no matter how hard I have tried. C'mon guys, for a mere $150,000 I'll mention your product or lobbying position in every post. I think I've made a total of  41 cents from the advertising on my blog, and Google doesn't cut a check until the revenue is at least $10. Which means I'll probably be dead by the time it ever happens...

jail or jihad...
A friend of mine, raised in the rural South, told me of a common practice by judges when we were young men. If you were brought before them on a misdemeanor, they often gave you a choice: go to jail or join the Army. This practice has been revived in Pakistan, with the Pakistani Intelligence offering prisoners, who were former Taliban allies, the chance to work for them. I guess they call them the good Taliban... They are being placed in trouble spots like Kashmir to help stir up trouble against their dreaded historical foe, India. Look for future headlines from these areas, with Pakistani officials saying, with straight faces, how dreadful the situation is, how ever did the Taliban expand into that area?

rumor of the week...
is that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is really of Christian or Jewish heritage instead of the countless generations of Shiite Muslims that his family claims: "If Ahmadinejad is indeed of Jewish descent, his family's story represents a classic pattern for religious converts: Adopt Islam, leave the hometown where people might know you as a Jew, move to a new location where blending into the Muslim population is easier, take up different occupations, and, just in case anyone were to question their confessional fidelity, demonstrate zeal for Islam by attacking their former religion and other minority faiths."

Needless to say, Mahmoud is a bit touchy on the subject, he put a blogger in jail back in 2003 for mentioning it. I can only guess how he's fuming over every foreign press request for an interview. Instead of softening his stance toowards Israel and the US, he will probably become even more of a Holocaust denier and try to prove he is Super Islamic in the coming months.
"Hey, listen to this. According to reports from the Daily Telegraph, Iranian President Mahmoud Amedinejad is part Jewish. He has Jewish ancestry. Well, this is great. You know, he's anti-Semitic. Now he can just kill himself." --Jay Leno

the godfather...
After losing a presidential election, the loser usually fades from the scene. But John McCain has been busier than ever. He has been on Sunday talk shows countless times, and: "... is working behind-the-scenes to reshape the Republican Party in his own center-right image. McCain is recruiting candidates, raising money for them and hitting the campaign trail on their behalf. He’s taken sides in competitive House, Senate and gubernatorial primaries and introduced his preferred candidates to his top donors." 

This is good for the Republican Party because its positive action instead of the embarrassing right-wing gibberish of John Boehner and Michelle Bachmann. I think it also means that he has been listening to his daughter and reading her posts in the Daily Beast, much better influence than the group who were his advisors while he was a candidate.

late night political jokes:

"I will be honest with you, folks. Right now, I would give anything to be hiking on the Appalachian Trail." --David Letterman

"Things are still pretty bad. There's a possibility I'll be the first talk-show host impeached." --David Letterman

"Did you hear about this? Over the weekend, they came up with proof that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is Jewish. I wonder how much they wanted to keep that quiet." --David Letterman

"According to the latest Gallup poll, the group President Obama is most popular with -- you know who it is? Obama is most popular with the Jewish community. The group he's least popular with -- International Olympic Committees." --Jay Leno

"As you know, President Obama flew to Denmark, made his pitch. The international committee voted. Chicago finished last, dead last. Well, I guess the committee thought Chicago already had enough amateur athletes with the White Sox and the Cubs." --Jay Leno

"You know what the mistake was? We shouldn't have sent President Obama over there to get the votes. We should have sent Acorn. It would have been a landslide. We would have gotten all the votes, thousands of votes." --Jay Leno

"You know what the saddest part is about Chicago not getting the 2016 Olympics? Former Governor Rod Blagojevich already sold 10 free seats for 100 grand apiece to the opening ceremony." --Jay Leno

"I was sad to see Chicago lose it. Because they had a great mascot. It was Loafy, the 5-pound pork sandwich with legs." --Jay Leno

"Well, congratulations. The Obamas celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary this past week. The paper said this is the first wedding anniversary Obama is celebrating in the White House. Sadly, it's also the first thing the Obamas have to celebrate since they've been in the White House." --Jay Leno

"Today, at the White House, President Obama met with a group of doctors from every state in the union to press his case for health care reform. It was the biggest gatherings of doctors, I guess, since Dick Cheney had his last staff meeting." --Jay Leno

"Well, the latest job numbers are out. The bad news is we have the worst unemployment in 26 years. The good news, that unemployment also includes Jon from 'Jon & Kate.'" --Jay Leno

"Governor Schwarzenegger said if he comes back to California, there should be no special treatment for Roman Polanski. I think that's what he said. It was that or 'I'm going to Japan to ski.' I don't know what he said." --Jay Leno

"And Sarah Palin's new book comes out Nov. 17. A lot of people are surprised they paid Sarah Palin to write a book. Hey, they paid Tom DeLay to dance. Why not pay her to write a book?" --Jay Leno

"President Obama celebrated his 17th wedding anniversary. Isn't that nice? The President celebrated by going out for a romantic candlelit dinner with just his wife and Oprah." --Conan O'Brien

"Hey, speaking of presidents, a former speechwriter to President Bush was quoted as saying that, contrary to what people think, 'Bush wasn't dumb.' In fact, as we speak, that quote's being engraved on the wall of the Bush presidential library." --Conan O'Brien

"And starting today, we get the swine flu vaccination. Doctors are set to receive the vaccination first, because they're the only ones who can still afford to go see the doctor." --Craig Ferguson

"At the box office this weekend, the movie 'Zombieland' was No. 1. It beat Michael Moore's new documentary. 'Zombieland' and the Michael Moore movie are very different, of course. One has a disgusting, lumbering monster that eats everything in its path, and the other one has zombies." --Craig Ferguson

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