EJ Dionne Jr
"Arnold Schwarzenegger's housekeeper says Maria Shriver became suspicious after noticing similarities between Arnold and her 13-year-old son. For instance, after serving as class president, he left the sixth grade with a $42 billion deficit." – Conan O'Brien
"Anthony Weiner asked Bill Clinton for advice, and actually followed it for awhile. Of course eventually he was forced to tell the truth." – Jay Leno
"One of bin Laden's wives said he was a sex machine. In fact, he was the only man who could find her jihad spot." – Jay Leno
"When asked about the Congressman Weiner scandal, President Obama said that if it were him, he's resign. When Bill Clinton was asked about the same thing he said, 'If it was me, I wouldn't be surprised.'" – David Letterman
"Donald Trump is 65 today. Had a big party. He likes to play Pin Everything on Obama." – David Letterman
"The first Republican presidential debate was held on Monday night. Seven Republican presidential candidates got together to agree on how much they dislike the government they would like to run. Imagine if you did that in a job interview." – Jimmy Kimmel
As I grow older I find that I'm getting more prudish, I don't really want to hear about grandchildren's sexual exploits, real or imagined, and I also moralize on incidents of political weaknesses far more than I should. I remember debating my father over the Bill Clinton / Monica Lewitsky affair, and acting shocked at how worried and concerned he was over it. My contention was that we should want all of our presidents to receive the oral attentions of staffers, or fluffers, as they are called in the porn industry, so they may be relaxed under stressful situations. My father, of course, felt that Clinton should have resigned. I guess there's a certain linkage in Anthony Weiner seeking the advice of Bill clinton, while his wife, Huma, is taking counsel with Hillary...
Now, I also feel that resigning is the best thing that Weiner can do, we don't want him hot-dogging it through the rest of his term. We might as well import some of Saudi Arabia's moral police to replace the guards at Congress; if our Congressmen can't police their own behavior, then we need to find some zealots who can. Oh, wait, I see Congresswoman Bachmann raising her hand...
Not a single candidate had an original thought on how to handle our current economic situation, they all talked in vague terms of budget cutting and repealing health care legislation. does anyone remember that it was the right wing of the Republican Party that got us into this slump we're in now? Even Alan Greenspan admitted it, that his policies were worthless. Newt was expectedly petulant, and Ron Paul is vowing to take over my title as Grumpy Old Man...
In Syria, the gossip is that President Assad is being held hostage by the more fascistic members of his family and generals of the army, who have no qualms over killing innocent and unarmed civilians if it means they get to keep their share from skimming off of the top... By now it looks like any reforms proposed by the governments will become as doomed as any proposed Israeli / Palestinian peace talks., now that Israel has decided it can wait until there is another Republican administration in the White House before going forward... And poor old Moammar Qaddafi now just wants to live out the rest of his life in his compound in Tripoli, it's his son that keeps trying to create a family legacy, with himself at the helm... Qaddafi now reminds me of Ogden Nash's Custard the Dragon, who kept crying for a nice, safe, cage... And now China has added its attempts at trying to reconciliation between both sides in Libya...
THE TALE OF CUSTARD THE DRAGON
By Ogden Nash
Copyright Linell Nash Smith and Isabel Nash Eberstadt
Belinda lived in a little white house,
With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,
And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.
Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,
And the little gray mouse, she called her Blink,
And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard,
But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.
Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth,
And spikes on top of him and scales underneath,
Mouth like a fireplace, chimney for a nose,
And realio, trulio, daggers on his toes.
Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,
Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Belinda tickled him, she tickled him unmerciful,
Ink, Blink and Mustard, they rudely called him Percival,
They all sat laughing in the little red wagon
At the realio, trulio, cowardly dragon.
Belinda giggled till she shook the house,
And Blink said Week!, which is giggling for a mouse,
Ink and Mustard rudely asked his age,
When Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Suddenly, suddenly they heard a nasty sound,
And Mustard growled, and they all looked around.
Meowch! cried Ink, and Ooh! cried Belinda,
For there was a pirate, climbing in the winda.
Pistol in his left hand, pistol in his right,
And he held in his teeth a cutlass bright,
His beard was black, one leg was wood;
It was clear that the pirate meant no good.
Belinda paled, and she cried, Help! Help!
But Mustard fled with a terrified yelp,
Ink trickled down to the bottom of the household,
And little mouse Blink strategically mouseholed.
But up jumped Custard, snorting like an engine,
Clashed his tail like irons in a dungeon,
With a clatter and a clank and a jangling squirm
He went at the pirate like a robin at a worm.
The pirate gaped at Belinda's dragon,
And gulped some grog from his pocket flagon,
He fired two bullets but they didn't hit,
And Custard gobbled him, every bit.
Belinda embraced him, Mustard licked him,
No one mourned for his pirate victim
Ink and Blink in glee did gyrate
Around the dragon that ate the pyrate.
Belinda still lives in her little white house,
With her little black kitten and her little gray mouse,
And her little yellow dog and her little red wagon,
And her realio, trulio, little pet dragon.
Belinda is as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chase lions down the stairs,
Mustard is as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard keeps crying for a nice safe cage.