Today Things Almost Happened in Ecuador, Iraq, Palestine, and Pakistan

Eugene Robinson
Kirsten Powers
Nour Odeh

David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Barack Obama Can Boost His Popularity With Younger Voters"

10. Refer to himself as the Chillaxer-in-Chief
9. Limit speeches to 140 characters or less
8. Broadcast all Oval Office addresses in 3D
7. Replace Rahm Emanuel with a hunky, brooding vampire
6. Trade in Air Force One for rocket-powered Obama-cycle
5. Answer tough questions with "Whatevs"
4. Change name to Bajustin Obieber
3. Refer to his abdominal muscles as "The Administration"
2. Check into rehab, go to prison, check back into rehab, go back to prison, check back into rehab
1. Join Team Coco

 Today the news has been dominated by things that almost happened, which means that it will be a slow weekend, good for barbecues and drinking beer with old friends. Unless you live on the East Coast, then you will need your water-wings just to get to the liquor store... There almost was a coup in Ecuador, when the President went to talk with an angry group of police, who ended up holding him hostage for a few hours. The most interesting part was when the president was rescued by the military, the commanding general gave a speech how Ecuador was a state ruled by laws, not some dictatorship, and that was why he was rescuing Rafael  Carrea. Afterward, Mr Carrea said that the police actually wanted to create a coup by holding him, and forced the nation's top cop to resign... It could have been worse, we could have given them gonorrhea like we did the Guatamalans. I wonder if STD's were a part of the Iran-Contra program, and if the traitor Oliver North was ever involved...


Iraq almost got a new government, with the Shias joining together with the followers of al-Sadr. Nuri al-Maliki couldn't wait, he issued an announcement that he was going to be the next Prime Minister. Of course, like so many tribal coalitions, it may go South at any moment... If the Shias do form a government on their own, leaving the Kurds and Sunnis out, there will be more sectarian violence, and they won't be able to blame it all on al-Qaeda...

The US almost got the Palestinian talks started again, but this time Israel are the ones being buttheads. the US offered special security agreements, probably more money or military toys, but Netanyahu wanted the release of some jewish prisoners held in American jails, just to think about extending the building moratorium for one month. Mahmoud Abbas is waiting until the next meeting of the Arab League on Monday, asking them what the best next move is, or maybe he will retire, who knows?

It is in Israel's best interest to stall and drag any talks out, because they have to give up land and resources. Because they will only do this grudgingly, they will create ill will no matter what is negotiated. Instead of having a Palestinian state that works with Israel, creating economic ties and partnerships that benefits everyone, they will have a Palestinian state that they will consider an enemy, and find ways to punish and provoke them. Instead of creating lasting ties and friendships, Israel will further isolate itself and sink further into paranoia, dragging many American Jews into their madness. Already there are pundits like the Denver Post's David Harsayi asking: "Where, for instance, are complaints from the 80 percent of American Jews who support a president who actively pressures Israel into agreements that threaten her existence, and at the same time bows to robed princes and pleads for the friendship of the most illiberal nations in the world?" So, instead of looking for solutions that are equitable for both parties, and we are looking to force Israel into agreements that threaten her existence, perhaps we should let sleeping dogs lie, and let Israel and Palestine resolve this at their own pace. And we could stop sending Israel foreign aid and selling them military technology, since they don't need our help anymore...

It was General Petraeus who OK'd sending helicopters into Pakistan without getting permission from the Pakistani government. Drones are fine, but manned helicopters can chase small groups of men without referring to remote cameras and GPS satellites, having a faster and more lethal reaction time. Unfortunately, to err is human, and even real live flyboys can mistake border guards in their uniforms for Taliban soldiers, and end up killing the wrong guys... Pakistan isn't very happy with the latest rush into Kandahar province, with the US taking on the Haqqani network. Pakistan has always had a good relationship with the Haqqanis, they expect to be friends with them once they are back in power in Kabul, and join with them in thwarting the real enemy which all along has been India... The Haqqanis use this friendship to train their guys in Pakistan, and even have their top generals living far way in a nice sea-side resort in Karachi on the Arabian Sea... Lord knows what Pakistan will want to reopen the border back into Afghanistan, where over 560 NATO vehicles cross over per day, maybe for the CIA to topple the current government so the military can step in and save the day, welcoming back Pervez Musharraf..


Good thing the mid-term election is only a few weeks away. Any more time and all of the tea party candidates would surely hang themselves, given the amount of rope provided to them. Notice how their main strategy is to keep away from reporters and television cameras? That's because if left alone in front of a camera and someone asking them questions, they can't help but give squirrely answers, thereby giving fuel to their more sane opponents and late night comedians. At least that's what the Denver Post has reported about Ken Buck, and I notice it taking place in Arizona, California, Nevada, Texas, Kentucky, Delaware, have I missed any? Gone are the days when we only looked to Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin to fill us with loopy delight. I don't know what I am going to do afterwards... Not much fun on television tonight, so I'm going to sit down with a mystery written by Martin Cruz Smith. For over 30 years he has written the Arkady Renko novels, set in Russia. The first one, Gorky Park, was made into a movie that was a fine as the book. I will light some incense, have a cup of tea, smoke an Ashton cigar, and travel to Moscow and the seedy delights that await me in the Three Stations...