"Have you learned nothing from Fox? You pick your narrative and you stick with it -- and if the news doesn't fit your narrative, change your f**king news." – Jon Stewart, explaining journalism to MSNBC
"According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in other words, government workers who aren't there are needed to spend money we don't have to create jobs that don't exist." – Jay Leno
"The Atlantic had a big article on the inevitability of Israel going to war with Iran over building nuclear weapons. But he White House thinks that strong economic sanctions will bring them to their knees, raise unemployment, and cause their factories to close – the same way those economic sanctions worked right here." – Jay Leno
"According to a new poll, Levi Johnston now has lower approval ratings than John Edwards. Levy said he is disappointed with his low approval ratings and will do everything he can to knock them up." – Jimmy Fallon
"Merriam-Webster says that Sarah Palin's made-up word 'refudiate' was the most searched word of the summer. But no matter how hard they tried, Palin's supporters couldn't find the word in the Definitionary or the Wordasaurus." – Jimmy Fallon
Speaking of hate-mongering and trying to manipulate the public's irrational fears, we have a two-pronged approach taking place from now until November elections. One, Dick Armey and his well-financed horde of minions, plan on having as many tea party rallies to try and influence government policy. It was bad enough making the issue of health care a diabolical bogey-man, any normal person couldn't bring themselves to an emotional fever pitch over such a boring subject without some kind of external boost. If you still hear anyone going on about Obamacare, you know that they are either getting paid to say that shit, or that they are incredibly gullible for falling for that shit in the first place. Let's see what kind of class separation Dick and the Koch brothers can come up with. What are you most afraid of?
www.thecell.org. Not only is Newt coming down with Alzheimer's, and his former wife has exposed his hypocritical nature of saying things he doesn't believe in to the public, but now we might as well get as much use out of him before he implodes as a presidential candidate for 2012. He always finds a way to screw himself over because he knows how, deep down inside, he doesn't deserve your trust or respect. Despite all of the scary stories about how one of the poorest spots of parched desert on the earth is training the next generation of uber-terrorists, who will learn to paste their explosives in the right places in their underwear, the tactic just doesn't seem to catching on. Really, how can you be afraid, when the last few wannabees have been bumbling, comic book characters. There are scarier terrorists on Criminal Minds than on the streets of New York... Besides, once you start rooting for the vampires and zombies in the movies, you know that you are pretty jaded to reality. Especially when the tactics are about thirty years outdated. Death panels are so blase after you have seen Soylent Green recycled on the Simpsons...
I don't know, what will it really take to scare you enough to vote Republican this coming November? Then, to have the process repeat itself all over again for the elections in 2012... it must be exhausting planning all of these negative campaigns. Unfortunately, time and time again it has proven to work. Be sure to call up your nearby Republican Party center or write to your favorite tea party web site to let them know what you have come up with...