Monday, September 28, 2009

Mundane Intolerance, Honduran Holiday

Paul Krugman
Fareed Zakaria
P J O'Rourke

"Every once in a while I feel despair over the fate of the planet." - Paul Krugman

"I hadn't noticed I was a racist, but that was no doubt because I was too busy being a homophobe." - P J O'Rourke

Well, now that the world leaders have left the US after the UN meetings, world affairs have settled back down into regular, mundane intolerance. Pakistan had proposed talks with India to air out all of their grievances, but was rejected by India because of resentment over the Mumbai massacres.

Israelis and Palestinians had clashed in Jerusalem when a group of about 150 Palestinians had gathered at the Temple Mount compund to deny any bunch of Jewish activists that might secretly sneak into their sacred site, no sharing allowed. Unfortunately, someone either gave them the wrong information or pulled a really good prank, because the group of Jews turned out to be a group of French tourists. But the Palestinians stoned them anyway, police were called in, batons were used as well as tear gas, and the Palestinian Authority cried out for support against this unwarranted vicious attack!

And now that the Holy Month of Ramadan is over, Sunnis and Shias in Iraq have gone back to planting bombs and blowing the crap out of each other. Where are the French tourists when we really need them? The Iraqis are lamenting that, for some strange reason they cannot fathom, no foreign firms want to come in and develop any businesses. Most of the ill gotten graft that was extorted from the US and its contractors has been squirreled away and won't be used or shared beyond buying villas in the south of France...

para bailar la bamba se necesita una poca de gracia...

In scenic Honduras the situation resembles a telemundo soap opera, too bad its real. The rich farmer and ex-President Manuel Zelaya is camping out in the Brazilian Embassy with a scant sixty five of his family and closest friends. The Honduran military wants the embassy to turn him over to face justice, or whatever passes for justice and treasonous charges. The fake head of the government keeps changing his mind if he will meet with Zelaya, flip flops every two hours as his body cycles  change. Four diplomats from the OAS were turned away at the airport Sunday, who were supposed to help in the non-existant negotiations.  The excuse given was “They fell on us by surprise.”

As for Mr Zelaya, he keeps phoning constantly out to radio stations, broadcasting weird, contradictory messages. Two stations have been shut down in retaliation : "His cellphone calls, broadcast on sympathetic stations, swing between calls for peaceful protest and cries like, “Restitution or death!” Well, Manuel, be careful what you wish for...

porker debate...
Are you going to get your flu shot this year? I got mine last year and came down with the swine flu this summer. Maybe it helped because I didn't die, I just lost 19 pounds in three weeks. I'm really debating whether to get another or go down to the local University and attend a keg party so I can contract it again, better than getting addicted to diet pills again... If I drink nothing but Red Bull while I have the swine flu, will this pig be able to fly...?

late night political jokes:

"President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd like to encourage you to do some shopping while you're here.' I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming." --Conan O'Brien

"While he's in New York for the U.N. conference, Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi is traveling with an entourage of 50 attractive female bodyguards. The guards are there in case Qaddafii gets attacked or in case he wants to make a music video from 1985." --Conan O'Brien

"According to The New York Times, Manuel Zelaya, the recently deposed president of Honduras, he's holed up with supporters who don't bathe, eat only rice and beans and one guy who hasn't changed his Che Guevara T-shirt in days. So apparently, Manuel Zelaya is holed up in my freshman dorm room." --Conan O'Brien

"Health officials are now saying that the swine flu could be spread at college keg parties. They say if you attend a keg party and come home feeling numb and vomiting profusely, you're probably fine." --Conan O'Brien

"Federal authorities have issued a flurry of bulletins warning that sports stadiums, entertainment complexes, hotels, motels, apartment buildings, and transit systems could be targets of terrorist attacks. Well thanks for narrowing it down." --Jay Leno

"In fact, you know the safest place to be now? Airplanes. Stay in the air as long as you can." --Jay Leno

"Well, according to the FBI, terrorists may be targeting sporting events here in the United States and people attending games are being told keep an eye out for anybody looking suspicious or anybody who looks like they might be a threat. Well, what do you do at an Oakland Raiders game? That's everybody." --Jay Leno

"Oh, and that Colorado man that's arrested for lying to the FBI and having links to al Qaeda, well, they got him on an additional charge. Planning to use weapons of mass destruction. He reportedly purchased bomb-making ingredients from a beauty supply store. Did you hear his defense today? He said, 'Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.'" --Jay Leno

"You know about Qaddafi living in his tent? You know this whole wacky story? After residents complained, Qaddafi had to dismantle his tent he was living in outside of New York City, in Bedford, New York. You know, say what you want about Qaddafi, but don't you wish your relatives, when they came, would stay in a tent on the front lawn?" --Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin gave a speech to a conference of investors in Hong Kong yesterday morning. Then she spent the afternoon shooting pandas from a helicopter." --Jay Leno

"And according to the latest rumors, the former CEO of eBay, Meg Whitman, about to announce she is running for governor of California. See, that shows you how bad the economy is getting here in California. Now we're just another piece of crap on eBay." --Jay Leno

"It's fall here in New York. It's cool, getting dark earlier. The temperature's dropping. The leaves are changing. In fact, the only thing that hasn't changed is Qaddafi is still talking at the U.N." --Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Spending $63,500 On Dinner With Sarah Palin

10."Is the tip included?"
9."Do my kids really need to go to college?"
8."Is it 'All the Moose You Can Eat'?"
7."Should I prepare by reading every magazine and newspaper?"
6."Does it have to be at the Denny's where Todd works?"
5."Should we have dinner in Alaska or Russia?"
4."Will she hunt and shoot the main course?"
3."63 grand? That's nearly half of her weekly wardrobe budget!" Remember that reference?
2."Is there valet parking for my snowmobile?"
1."Will I be done in time to get to the 'Fire Dave' rally?"

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