Monday, September 14, 2009
Hussein on Wall Street, Osama Still Crazy After All These Years
Lindsey Graham, Joe Lieberman, & John McCain
"One thing we learned over the summer was that Congress accomplished more on the sausage-making front (on health care and energy) when the White House was focused on other issues." - First Read at MSNBC
"But as many of us warned folks back in the spring, the public has about a six-month memory. And, voila, it was at about at Month Six when the public started holding the president more responsible for all of the country's economic related ills -- fair or not. It comes with the job." - First Read at MSNBC
I'm a Madison Avenue man...
Not a whole lot is going on today, Barack Obama is in New York, giving a speech for the economic crowd, taking a break from fudging on the health care reform issue. Democrats in Congress are happy because they want to srew it up all on their own. Republicans are happy because they think angry protesters will revitalize their Party, and Joe Wilson is taking advantage of his Warholesque 15 minutes of fame before he sinks back into white cracker obscurity. He may yet show up for work looking like a character from an Andy Warhol movie or Rudy Guliani in drag again, proving that yes, you can put lipstick on a racist, misogynistic pig and take it hiking along the Appalachian Trail...
Obama's speech is on the anniversary of Lehman Brothers financial collapse, which led the domino effect on other large financial institutions, causing a global $5 trillion deficit and the creation of the economic stimulus package. The White House has proposed a detailed approach to regulating the financial industry, which has been fought tooth and nail by the new Washington lobbies, the financial institutions themselves.
From the Washington Post: "In June, the Treasury Department unveiled an 85-page paper that laid out a vision of regulatory reform in painstaking detail. Key pieces include a new federal consumer agency to oversee financial products such as mortgages and credit cards, expanded authority for the Federal Reserve to monitor the economy for systemic risks, streamlining the system of banking regulation, and creating a mechanism that allows the government to take over and unwind large, failing financial institutions...
Business lobbyists have gone to work, seeking to scuttle creation of a new Consumer Financial Products Agency, a key component of Treasury's regulatory plan. The lobbyists, led by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, have charged that they proposed agency would impose another layer of government regulation and would increase costs, stifle innovation and curtail choices for consumers. The Chamber of Commerce recently set up a Web site and launched an advertising campaign to oppose the agency."
It's bad enough that your Senators are enamored with texting on their phones instead of paying attention to work in Congress, now we all have to create websites to sway your opinion. Of course, I don't do that here, I'm either reinforcing the opinion you already have, or pissing you off so that you never come back here again...
A little late for another anniversary, the dead Osama bin Laden released his latest audiotape and posted it on a jihadist website, from the NY Times: "A new audiotape, reportedly from Osama bin Laden, denounced President Obama on Monday as no different from his predecessor and warned that anti-American attacks would not stop unless the United States ended the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The 11-minute, 20-second taped message, distributed online two days after the eighth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, also said American support for Israel was the main underlying reason for anger in the Muslim world."
The official response comes from Robert Gibbs, the press secretary: “I think the reports we’ve seen are consistent with messages we’ve seen in the past from Al Qaeda threatening the U.S. and other countries that are involved in counterterrorism efforts, but I don’t think it’s surprising that Al Qaeda would want to shift attention away from the president’s historic efforts and continued efforts to reach out and have an open dialogue with the Muslim world.”
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi responds that she doesn't think that democracy will ever take hold in Afghanistan and it will remain tribal, Iran decides to join in talks on nuclear disarmament in the EU, and the Jewish Defense League will be taking out another full page ad in the New York Times. More babies are being named Barack than Osama in today's Islamic world.
late night Osama bin Laden jokes:
"Osama bin Laden put out a new video. The timing of this video has some people upset, three days before we vote. It looks like he's trying to influence the election. And I'll tell you, it's not going to work. Americans know Osama bin Laden does not pick our president. The Supreme Court does." —Bill Maher
"One thing we learned, bombing works. ... We've flown over 2,800 sorties, dropped 15 tons in warheads, and done $39 in damage. But we're a compassionate nation ... and when this is all over, we're going to put the rocks and dirt back." —Comedian Al Franken
"You know what the bounty is on bin Laden? $25 million. It sounds like a lot until you realize the Texas Rangers paid $250 million to get Alex Rodriguez." —Jay Leno
"Did you see President Bush throw out the first pitch of game two of the World Series? The White House said it was a strike. The Taliban said it missed and killed several innocent people." —David Letterman
"There are now rumors that the Taliban has been poisoning the food we have been dropping. We should make a deal with the people of Afghanistan. We'll taste your food, you check our mail." —Jay Leno
"People are wondering what will happen to Afghanistan when we're finished fighting there. I'm sure there are plans to rebuild the country, and a lot of times with rebuilding comes a name change. These are some possible name changes the government has been mulling over: Halfghanistan, Pothole-istan, Jenniferanistan, Assbackwardstan, Bye-bye-Talibanstan, Ass-Kicked-istan." —Jay Leno
"It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has 50 brothers and sisters. Which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic" —Conan O'Brien
"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration." —Jay Leno
"Allied forces have hit all the Taliban military installations and bases. To give you an idea how successful these strikes have been: the Taliban has been telling young men that when they get to heaven, there may not be enough virgins to go around. They were promised 72. Now they are down to 45, but were told, 'Your virgins may vary." —Jay Leno
"Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed." —Jay Leno
"The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country. They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave, which is a pretty good trick considering they claim they don't even know where he is." —Jay Leno
"I read in the paper today this bin Laden guy is the wealthiest guy in Afghanistan. That's when you know your government is no good, when the wealthiest guy in the country lives in a cave." —Jay Leno
"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to feel like a woman in their country." —Jay Leno
"There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad." —Jay Leno
"U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should transfer bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits, screw up his statement and nickel and dime him to death with service charges." —Jay Leno
"More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil investments. This way, he can use the money in his war against capitalism." —Jay Leno
"The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt." —Jay Leno
"More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton." —Jay Leno
"This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his money, he'll be dead in a week." —Jay Leno
at 1:25 PM