Friday, June 26, 2009

So You Want a Revolution...

Paul Krugman
David Brooks
Alan Greenspan
Peggy Noonan

"The big question here is whether health care is about to go the way of the stimulus bill." - Paul Krugman

"If members of Congress are not going to join the plan they're devising for you, you don't want the plan." - Rush Limbaugh

Well, the Iranian Revolution is over, until the military relaxes its vigil. Actually, it was the brutal intensity of the volunteer Basij that has everyone except the fake president worried. He's back to embarrassing his country with his childish taunts and tirades, which only men of limited education or intelligence find amusing. Think if Rush or Newt or Boehner were Iranian... And the US State Department has retaliated by rescinding the invitations to all Iranian diplomats to the 4th of July festivities at American Embassies throughout the world. Extra hot dogs and watermelon for the rest of us... This is what happens when nations act like children... very dangerous children.

As to what will happen next, your guess is as good as mine or anyone else's. How long will people go back to their lives and pretend that nothing happened? Iran cannot pretend to be a theocracy when the leaders have proven to be false; instead of being a player of influence in the region, the Sunni states have been delighting in the sham and mockery. We'll see if Ahmadinejad's street credibility goes up or down... The creepiest story is what happened to the family of Neda Agha Soltan, the poor woman who was shot by a Basij sniper and bled to death on the street. They were taken during the night by security forces and have disappeared. Martyr, what martyr? She never existed, it was all something faked by the West...

There was a much more successful revolution that occurred in Peru during the last couple of weeks, involving protests, demonstrations, killing of innocents causing the government to almost collapse. As Foreign Policy reports: "Over the past two weeks, indigenous protesters have successfully forced the Peruvian government to reverse planned land reforms that would have opened their traditional land to investment and exploration by international energy companies.

The demonstrations against the reform turned violent earlier this month in a confrontation that left 50 dead, including 23 police officers. Peru's prime minister offered to resign over the controversy after the government caved to the Indians demands. The leader of the protest movement has fled into exile in Nicaragua after being charged with inciting the violence.

President Alan Garcia has come under fire for his insensitivity to the violence and for comparing the protesters to "garden watchdogs" protecting their food. Garcia had framed the new development as both an economic opportunity for the region, a way of clamping down on illegal logging, and a way to combat drug trafficking by increasing government presence."

On July 5th, Mexico is going to have an election. the President says that unless he's re-elected, the Mexican state will be taken over by the drug cartels, and he could be right.

From the NY Times: "President Felipe Calderón said Wednesday that the future of democracy in Mexico was at stake in the government’s fight against official corruption and organized crime. He also criticized politicians whom he accused of wanting to return to the era when drug gangs were tolerated... Speaking at a conference on security, the president gave a scathing appraisal about how far corruption had reached into the Mexican government.

For many years, Mr. Calderón said, “crime was allowed to grow, expand and penetrate. Perhaps people thought it was a manageable thing,” 

Mr. Calderón said that Mexico, where more than 10,800 people have died in violence connected with the illicit drug trade and other forms of organized crime since he took office in December 2006, “is at a historical crossroads.”
Mr. Calderón painted a grim picture of the security situation in some of the most violent parts of the country, noting that crime gangs and drug cartels were carrying out “an interminable recruitment of young people without hope, family, opportunities, future, beliefs or convictions.” We easily could end up having to send troops into Mexico to help stabilize the government, or to annex it as a territory if the government falls. This would end the border, the cement fence would be used for skateboarders, Tom Tancredo and Pat Buchanon would have no careers left, and the price of prescription drugs might come falling down along with the price of marijuana and cocaine...

late night jokes:

"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson

"This whole affair is really a sad story. That has to be the worst thing ever done by a guy named Sanford, except for that episode of 'Sanford & Son' where Fred broke Lamont's glass figurine collection." --Craig Ferguson

"Good for her I say! Good for you! Finally! I never understood why these women had to stand by their douchebag at the press conference. He's like, 'Oh I did this I did that then I took off her dress and then we went to Hooters'...I think what the wives should do is just wear a t-shirt that says 'I'm with stupid.'" --Craig Ferguson, on Mark Sanford's wife not appearing at his press conference

"The past couple of years there have been a whole bunch of scandals involving governors. You know things are bad when the most normal governor of the last decade was Jesse 'The Body' Ventura." --Craig Ferguson 

"Last night, we talked about the strange disappearance of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. The media reported he was hiking the Appalachian Trail and forgot to tell anyone, including his wife and sons, over Father's Day weekend. We here reported that he had actually gone into the woods to chase a coyote and f*** it. It turns out, we were both wrong [on screen: a report saying Sanford had been in Argentina]. I apologize to you, sir, for implying that you were a coyote f***er. Clearly, you went to Argentina to have dirty, dirty sex with a capybara, a giant rodent indigenous to the Argentine region." --Jon Stewart

"Oh. Marital infidelity. You are just another run-of-the-mill human being whose simple moralizing about the sanctity of marriage is only marred by the complexities of their own life. Well, just another politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis." --Jon Stewart

"Well, you know what they say, in the way that no man can resist the wiles of an exotic Argentine woman, those same women are equally tantalized by middle-aged, fiscally conservative Episcopalians."--Stephen Colbert 

"Anybody here from South Carolina? Their governor down there, Mark Sanford disappears. He's gone for four days. The first time he said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. Okay, I'm just dumb enough to believe that. Then he says, 'No, no, no, forget the Appalachian Trail. I was in South America.' Now, I'm not sure I'm with him. Today he said he woke up in Las Vegas, hung over with a tiger and a baby." --David Letterman

"I have to be careful here. I haven't had much luck with jokes about governors, so I have to be careful." --David Letterman

"But now it turns out that he was in Argentina with another woman. A married guy, got a family, he's in Argentina with another woman. And here's what I want to know -- why can't he be like our former governor and use a local escort service?" --David Letterman

"You know about this Bernie Madoff, the weasel? The guy - I mean, up to a couple of weeks ago, he was the most hated man in America. And then I had my trouble with the governor of Alaska." --David Letterman

"Well, they're getting ready to sentence the guy and they're talking about he could go away for quite a long time, and he's now asking the judge for a reduced sentence. Did you know you could do that? I had no idea you could say, 'Well, you know what? I was thinking more in terms of, you know, maybe a weekend now, and a weekend after the holidays.'" --David Letterman

"Yeah, Bernie is asking for a sentence of 12 years. Nice to see the guy hasn't lost his sense of humor." --David Letterman

"But in addition to the sentence, he is also banned from trading securities. And I thought, well, they nipped that in the bud. Way to go." --David Letterman

"You folks been following what's going on in Iran? Listen to this. They've been going over the voting results, the presidential election, and the president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, received more than 100% of the vote." --David Letterman

"And now, you know, you're not supposed to have any kind of a protest and the government is saying, 'There's no protesting going on. People are not booing. The crowds that you see are not booing. They're just chanting, 'Mahmoud! Mahmoud! Mahmoud!''' --David Letterman

"But the Iranian supreme leader says the election results are official. He said, 'It's over, the election results are official. And besides that, it costs too much to rig another election.'" --David Letterman

"And President Obama, this guy takes everything seriously. He's very upset about what's going on in Iran. As a matter of fact, today he announced that he's going to stop smoking Camels." --David Letterman

"Today the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, who's the head of the Republican Governors Association, held a press conference to reveal he had an affair with a woman from Argentina. People were shocked because Republicans traditionally don't do well with Hispanic women." --Conan O'Brien

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney has signed a publishing deal to write his memoirs. I don't want to spoil anything, but it ends with him killing Obi-Wan Kenobi.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina -- this just keeps getting weirder. He was missing for five days. He finally showed up. He claimed that he was just hiking in the Appalachian Mountains. Then just today, he revealed that he was not hiking in the Appalachian Mountains, he was in Argentina the entire time -- in Argentina, where he was having an extramarital affair. Wow! It all seems insane until you realize who his mistress is -- Carmen Sandiego." --Jimmy Fallon

"On July 14th, everybody, President Obama will throw out the first pitch at the All-Star game in St. Louis. That's pretty cool. Yeah. But Joe Biden will be on hand to commit the first error." --Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's Top Ten Governor Mark Sanford Excuses

10. Did I say hiking? I meant cheating.
9. Had to so something after devastating news about Jon and Kate.
8. I learned everything I know from Governor Spitzer.
7. Let's talk about more important issues like the Nestle Toll House cookie recall.
6. I learned everything I know from Governor McGreevey.
5. It's Ahmadinejad's fault.
4. If you met my wife you'd be fleeing the country too, am I right fellas?
3. Putting together my audition tape for "The Amazing Race."
2. If you run a state and decide to leave the country for a week, since when do you have to tell someone?
1. It wasn't me, it was my hilarious alter ego, Bruno

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