North Korean Boys and Their Toys...

Wall Street Journal
Katrina Heuvel
Richard Wolf


" . . . The future must belong to those who create, not those who destroy. " - Barack Obama

"But then you say we are linked with the Taliban. The serving army people will say, 'To hell with them if this is what we are going to get after laying down more than 1,500 lives." - Pakistani General

So, you're the son of a dictator. Father dies, leaving you this poor, backwater country that has been subjected to nothing but paranoia for over 40 years. You're short, can't get dates, and every other country won't take you seriously, so what do you do? I know, lets launch a missile!

North Korea launched a communications satellite over the weekend, and it is circling the earth right now, broadcasting patriotic songs like " The Song Of General Kim Jong Il. " OK, the damned thing barely got off the ground, and fell into the Pacific. But, now you'll get some attention from that sexy Svetlana or the winsome Mei Ling, not to mention the admiration from all the other big boys. 

Instead, you get: "An emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council to discuss North Korea's rocket launch has ended without agreement.
As divisions emerged, diplomats said the council would continue talks. It may take days for a deal, analysts say.
Washington and Tokyo are seeking a strong response, but Beijing and Moscow have called for restraint." Usually, when it comes to North Korea, China's advice is usually taken. And the big boys retaliate by taunting you over the fence, so that when the day is done, you are once again left alone to face the dark, with no-one to dispel those paranoid fantasies that grow larger and more luminous...

TPM had this: "Appearing on CNN's State of the Union, David Axelrod shot back at Dick Cheney's public criticism of the Obama administration: "And let me say, in contrast, how much we appreciate the way President Bush has behaved. He was incredibly cooperative during the transition. And when he left he said, 'I wish you guys the best. I'm rooting for you.' I believe that to be the case. And he's behaved like a statesman. And as I've said before, here and elsewhere, I just don't think the memo got passed down to the vice president."

And to counter attack, a good-old boy named Newt, you know, after the lizards, decided to play bully: "The U.S. is at greater risk of terrorist attack because of the Obama administration's actions, Newt Gingrich said Monday.

In a chat with POLITICO readers, Gingrich also called the administration’s response to the North Korean missile launch a “vivid demonstration of weakness in foreign policy.” He said Obama’s proposals for a resumption of nuclear arms limitation talks reflected “a dangerous fantasy that runs an enormous risk. ... Not since Jimmy Carter have we had an administration this out of touch with reality.”

“Dick Cheney is clearly right in saying that between the court decisions about terrorists and the administration actions, the United States is running greater risks of getting attacked than we were under President Bush,” said the former speaker of the House and Georgia congressman." Is Newt trying to position himself too early to be the burly man of the Republican Party? Mr. I-won't-divorce-my-wife-this-time-even-if-she's-dying-of-cancer-I-swear! Presidential hopeful? Next, we'll be hearing from the wisdom of John McCain...


Late night jokes:

"Barack Obama made his first trip as president to England. Here is my question. If the President is in England, who's running General Motors?" --Jay Leno

"As you know by now, the government is now taking an active role in the auto business. President Obama offering hope, change, and 0 percent financing." --Jay Leno

"You know what's interesting? Today, a reporter in Crawford, Texas, asked former President George Bush how he felt about General Motors and Bush said, 'You know, since I left office, I don't really follow the Iraq war anymore.'" --Jay Leno

"Actually, President Obama says that G.M. filing for bankruptcy may be the best alternative. He said that bankruptcy is a good legal tool for a company not to have to pay creditors back, which sounds great until you realize, hey wait a minute, we're the creditors! Great, so you want to help them not pay us back. I mean, even A.I.G. is going, 'Why didn't we think of this?'" --Jay Leno

"So, it's pretty crazy. Look, we're bailing out Wall Street, we're bailing out banks, we're bailing out car companies. In fact, did you know there's a special box on your tax form this year you can check if you want a portion of your taxes to actually go to running the government?" --Jay Leno

"And there was kind of an awkward moment yesterday as President Obama was leaving to go to the G-20 summit. Hillary Clinton called and said, 'Can I run the country while you're gone? Please, can I?'" --Jay Leno

"Thousands of people showed up in London to protest this G-20 economic summit. Protesters smashed windows at the Bank of Scotland. Did you see it on the news? The banks were closed. The windows were all boarded up. It looked like our banks." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama met with the Queen of England today. There was one embarrassing moment when the Obamas were meeting the Royal Family. The Queen said, 'Have you met my son, Charles?' And the Obamas turned to Camilla and said, 'Yes, how do you do?'" --Jay Leno

"A British genealogist who traced President Obama's roots claimed Obama is related to the royal family. Well, did you see President Obama standing with Prince Charles? If those ears are any indication, I think they may be related." --Jay Leno

"And more embarrassment for the President. Just a few weeks after President Obama named Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius as his Health and Human Services nominee, she now reveals she owes over $7,000 in back taxes. Another one owes. See, that's the difference between the two political parties right there. Republicans believe in no new taxes. Democrats believe in no old ones." --Jay Leno

"Hey, you hear about this? A voice from the past, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who may run for president in 2012, that's the rumor, has converted to Catholicism. So after a number of affairs, two divorces, and three marriages, how would you like to get stuck behind him for that first confession, huh?" --Jay Leno

"And China says it wants to replace the U.S. dollar with a new global currency. They want to move from a gold-based standard to a lead-based standard." --Jay Leno

"And from the animal kingdom, it seems a loggerhead sea turtle nearly swam to the doorstep of a Florida Keys turtle hospital. This is the only licensed veterinary facility in the world that solely treats sea turtles. This turtle somehow knew to swim right up to the hospital. Isn't that amazing? Sad part, they had to turn him away when his H.M.O. wouldn't cover the visit." --Jay Leno

"By golly, you know what it is? April Fool's Day. Happy April Fool's Day, everybody. It is crazy when you think about it. Bush has only been out of office 10 weeks and he already has his own national holiday." --David Letterman

"A lot of excitement there, though, at the G20 summit. They are giving away a door prize. Yeah, this year, it's Iceland." --David Letterman

"I like to contrast what President Obama is up to and what John McCain, his opponent in the general election, is up to. For example, Obama met with 17 political leaders from 11 nations. He will attend five summits in different countries around Europe. Today, comparatively speaking, John McCain watched his 89 Caddy go through the car wash." --David Letterman

"It's a great day for our president, Barack Obama, who got to meet the Queen of England today. She very regally gave him a photograph of her, and he gave her an iPod! That's quite an unusual gift from the President. Usually he gives out about $150 million." --Craig Ferguson