Why I Am So Grumpy

Kathleen Parker

I'm taking the day off, so I thought I'd talk up the links I have on my blog, and rant a little. I never intended to write a daily blog, just fell into it by mistake. I had to find something to do after I was fired from the library. It was an embarrassing incident, I mean being fired from such a safe, milk-toast kind of job, but I will only say that I believe that my former boss changed her mind towards me after I told her about being arrested and put in jail... Suddenly I could no longer be trusted and I was the only employee who was let go for such a minor infraction, but then I'd have to tell you everything that happened and tell you her name and trash the progressive reputations of the people who run the library system and we'd get into a lot of bad mouthing back and forth and I still use the library about twice a week... Anyway, I had made this blog and suddenly had all of this time on my hands, being a disabled retiree from yet another job...

The first things I do in the morning is take a couple of grandchildren to school. Then, I make coffee and read the newspapers, Denver Post and Colorado Springs Gazette. The coffee is freshly ground beans from either Serrano's or High Rise, the two best coffee roasters in town. Life is too short to drink bad coffee or smoke cheap cigars... When I fire up the computer I go to the sites for the New York times and Washington Post first, try and take stock of what I want to comment on in this blog. Today, I played hookey and watched the college basketball games, glad that I didn't make any bets because all of my teams lost.

I try to use all of the websites I have linked to. If you like to watch Keith Olberman and Rachel Maddow, go to Politico, Talking Points Memo, and the Political Animal; stories there usually show up later on their shows. If you like Rush Limbaugh, go to World Net Daily, which I don't have, and the Drudge Report. When I want different views on what is happening in the Middle East, I will go to a bunch of websites including the Jerusalem Post, Sydney Times, Al Jazeerah, Arabic News, Pakistani News, Far Eastern Economic News, and some sites in Japan. I haven't really found any good Russian sites, but I am still looking. The blogs are all ones that I think are interesting, and I'm always looking for new ones. If you have any you'd like to suggest, just send me a comment at the end of any posting and I will be sure to get it. If you are interested in weapons and new technology, try Wired's Danger Room for some stories that read more like science fiction than reality. In honor, here's my new bumper sticker:

Welcome to the Brave New World Order

I try to be critical of both the Democrats and Republicans, but because I'm a registered Republican, I tend to be more critical of them, especially when they do the old style politicking. There seems to be more silly behavior passed off as intelligence on the GOP side right now. It was no surprise that Dick Wadhams got re-elected as head of the state Republican Party, but it also means that we will have more dirty tricks and scurrilous attacks during future campaigns instead of taking a more open and honest approach.

I like Barack Obama. He is instituting changes in how the government does business, pretty much how I would do it, except I would be more radical. Change the banking system and Wall Street to be a lot more responsible with our money. Send a lot more people to jail for white collar crimes, and try to clean up Congress, outlaw lobbying...I think even judges should have term limits, and every judge must spend one week per year in jail to see what it's like. We pass too many laws, so much so that it has all become a labyrinthian mess. All laws should have an expiration date of either 15 or 20 years. That way, if a law proves to be a good one, it can be renewed, if its a bad one, we discard it. All persons wishing to become an elected representative must pass a competency exam, no more Dan Quayle's or Bob Beauprez's...

I believe that you can be a Conservative without being a right wing wacko. I am disturbed by extremism, feel that much of the interpretations of traditional beliefs have been twisted into a strange dogma that leaves no room for debate or introspection. Extreme belief is a form of mental illness, and so many of the mass murderers lately have been from the far right of the political spectrum. Far right politics and male rage is not a good mix...


Here are some late night Obama jokes:

"We are very excited to have President Barack Obama on the show tonight. People think it's amazing that the President would take the time to leave Washington, DC, and fly 3,000 miles to come to California. But that happens to a lot of guys when their mother-in-law moves in with them." --Jay Leno

"No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday, Obama has gray hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough." --Bill Maher

"Republicans are attacking Barack Obama because he now wants to negotiate directly with the Taliban. Obama responded, 'Hey, right now I'd rather deal with the Taliban than with Republicans.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama got some good news today. It seems so many of his cabinet appointees have been forced to pay their back taxes, he now gets a finder's fee from the IRS." --Jay Leno

"Here's some good news. Barack Obama announced he's bringing home troops from Iraq. That's right. Unfortunately, he couldn't get them direct flights home. They have a two-year layover in Afghanistan." --Jimmy Fallon

"During his trip to Ottawa, Canada, President Obama said he was too embarrassed to admit to the Canadians that he'd never actually seen a hockey game. To which the Canadians said, "Oh, don't worry, we've never seen a black guy." --Jay Leno

"How many watched the Obama speech on Tuesday night? If you didn't see it, I'll give you the short version. We're completely broke, and deeply in debt, but we're going to do a bank rescue, universal healthcare, give everybody a college education, have a bigger war in Afghanistan, cut the deficit in half, and cure cancer. We were this close to universal blow jobs." --Bill Maher

"President Obama gave his first State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress tonight. Obama focused on the three most critical things he wants Americans to understand: first, that the economy is in a lot of trouble; second, that the road to recovery won't be easy; and third, that it's all President Bush's fault." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Well, Obama's had quite an opening. Been a month in office -- he signed the stimulus bill, he closed Guantanamo Bay, ordered the planning of our withdrawing from Iraq -- it's like he's spraying the country with a giant can of 'Bush Be-Gone.'" --Bill Maher

"I saw an article last week that said, 'Is Obama's Presidency already a failure?' ... I think everybody should just calm down. Give Obama four years. See what he can do. Then if he's a miserable failure, we'll do what we did with George W. Bush and elect him to a second term." --Craig Ferguson

"How about President Barack Obama's first primetime press conference last night? He was cogent, eloquent, and in complete command of the issues. I'm thinking to myself, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?" --David Letterman

"I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama's new slogan is 'Spare Change You Can Believe In.'" --Jay Leno

"President Obama has asked the Senate to cut $50 billion from the economic stimulus plan. Yeah, Obama says the government will no longer need the $50 billion once everyone in his Cabinet pays their back taxes." --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama still has not gotten used to the White House, apparently. This is true. Today, on his way into the Oval Office, he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. That's true. Yeah. White House employees said at first it made them laugh, then a wave of nostalgia washed over them." --Conan O'Brien

"There was a stumbling during the reading of the oath, when the chief justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts, forgot the words for a second and then he got them in the wrong order. See, how typical is that? Barack, just a second before he takes over, the Republicans get one last screw up in there." --Jay Leno

"After going to ten inaugural balls last night and dancing more than Cloris Leachman in nine weeks of 'Dancing With the Stars,' the new president was up and in the office at 8:35 in the morning and then he was at church at 9:30. Is it a good sign that after one hour of being president, he decided the best thing he could do for the country is pray?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"And during his inaugural address yesterday, President Barack Obama said, 'Millions of Americans have lost their homes and some of us who still have homes have their mother-in-laws moving in with them.'" --Jay Leno

"This morning, Barack Obama entered the Oval Office for the first time as president and he spent ten minutes alone. Yep. Shows you how things have changed. When President Bush spent ten minutes alone in the Oval Office, it was called a time-out." --Conan O'Brien

Oh Bah Bah Bah, Bah Iran...

Barack Obama tried wishing the leaders of Iran a happy Persian New Year, in another attempt at a diplomatic reaching out. Iran's (somehow I always think of the Woody Allen movie Sleeper when I see these two words) Supreme Leader 

Ayatollah Khamenei dismissed it as empty rhetoric.

Obama: "You have that right - but it comes with real responsibilities, and that place cannot be reached through terror or arms, but rather through peaceful actions that demonstrate the true greatness of the Iranian people and civilisation," he said.

"The measure of that greatness is not the capacity to destroy, it is your demonstrated ability to build and create."

The Arab News solicited reactions from a rather diverse crowd: “In almost every aspect, Obama’s approach is the opposite of that of President George Bush,” said Trita Parsi, president of the National Iranian American Council. (Obama) referred to the ‘Islamic Republic of Iran,’ the formal name of Iran after the 1979 revolution, indicating his acceptance of the revolution and the reality of the current government ... Perhaps most importantly, Obama signaled America’s strategic intent to achieve constructive ties between the United States and Iran. This is essential as he declared that the American endgame is to have a positive relationship with Iran and that he intends to put the destructive enmity of the past three decades behind them.”

“We welcome the wish of the president of the United States to put away past differences,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s press adviser Ali Akbar Javanfekr told AFP in reaction to Obama’s message.

Obama’s landmark call drew international praise, with world leaders hoping Tehran will react positively to Washington’s olive branch.

EU foreign policy chief Javier Solana voiced hope that Obama’s message would mark the start of a “new chapter” in relations between Washington and Tehran.

“I think it is a very constructive message,” Solana said in Brussels. “I hope very much that the Iranians will pay good attention to what has been said by President Obama, I hope very much that Tehran will act intelligently.”

French President Nicolas Sarkozy told reporters after a European Union summit in Brussels that Obama’s speech was “good news.” Italian Foreign Minister Franco Frattini praised Obama, saying he “has shown great leadership.” “It is a big change ... in the direction hoped for by Italy,” Frattini told reporters, adding the ball was now back in the Iranian court."

And the BBC got some reactions from people on the street: "Obama's message is very, very positive. The tone and the content is completely different to that of the previous administration. There have been so many missed opportunities in last decade and a half.
I think the Iranian government should respond immediately and not miss this opportunity to open a balanced dialogue with the US.

President Ahmadinejad has the support of the leadership and he has more authority than other recent presidents, so ironically, I think he could be the one to make progress.
All it needs now is for action to follow these words."

AKBAR, in Tehran: "I don't think dialogue with the US is a good idea because we've got too many of our own problems to sort out. We're having presidential elections in June and a possible change of personalities at the top. And what is the new administration actually offering, that George Bush didn't? Americans are a liability to Iran, they bring trouble.
I think it's absurd to talk about dialogue at a time like this. So many things are unclear: huge inflation inside Iran, our political turmoil, the falling dollar. Better relations with the US wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. There is no substance in this, it's just petty talk."

REZA, in Tehran: "President Obama has sent a green light to Iran, but I worry that our leadership won't see it. I think they will interpret this as the US trying to make a deal with us because we are powerful. I travel a lot for work, so I can see how Ahmadinejad's presidency has damaged our credibility abroad. For our Supreme Leader, an approach from the US means something fishy is going on. The Iranian government is spending money on Hezbollah instead of our own people. For our Supreme Leader, the sight of the US approaching means something fishy is going on. I would like Iran to deal with the world in a friendly way. We shouldn't target Israel, we should be friendly."

ARASH, in Mashad: "This is very good news. It's a very nice, sweet message for the people of Iran. My family and I saw it on BBC Persian TV, I think the channel broadcast the entire clip.
It will take several hours for Iranian websites and politicians to respond.
But I do think it's the beginning of a new era. People must realise that this is a real chance to change the relationship between the government of Iran and the new government of the US.
I think some of Iran's big leaders, like [Supreme leader] Ali Khamenei, don't have a clear opinion about the changes taking place: the new attitude in the White House, the active diplomacy, which is the complete opposite of the errors of Mr Bush.
So many people in Iran say, "The US president must take action to demonstrate he can be trusted." But I don't agree. I think the Iranian government must take action too, to show the world that they are trustworthy."

Of course, the thorn in the lion's paw is what to do about Iran's nuclear program. In 2005, there was a European proposal that, as reported in Tehran Bureau: "Iran would agree to limit, but not to end, its uranium enrichment. In other words, Iran would restrict the number of centrifuges it used for the enrichment process to what was called “laboratory level” enrichment. This would be done under full UN inspection, including the snap-inspection system of the Additional Protocol of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty (Iran has not implemented the protocol since 2006, when the UN’s International Atomic Energy Agency referred it to the UN security council).

The beauty of the idea – it was never officially formulated – is that it would allow the Iranian leadership to claim “victory” because the west would have recognized its “absolute” right to nuclear technology.

But it would also impose limits on Iran’s programme, which today continues to expand, and it would bring the programme under far closer UN supervision.

Iran’s critics – especially in the American right and in Israel – would resist such an agreement on the grounds that it accepts Iran’s mastery of enrichment technology. They point out, quite rightly, that the same methods used to enrich for energy can be used to manufacture a bomb.
But sooner or later, if Barack Obama is serious about engaging Iran, he will have to decide whether he is prepared for such a compromise over the nuclear issue.

He may well decide that other areas offer a better earlier chance of progress: co-operation over Afghanistan and Iraq, where the two sides have clear common interests, is the obvious choice.
Obama may have already decided that some kind of engagement with Syria, even if it leads nowhere, can deliver a “peace process” that itself seems like a foreign policy success. He may also have already decided to leave any real initiative over Tehran until after June’s presidential election, which may help clarify the balance of internal forces in Iran.

But if engagement is really to succeed, Obama will sooner or later have to grasp the nuclear nettle.

So here are some late night Iranian jokes:

"The bad news is Iran is capable of making a nuclear bomb. The good news is they have to drop it from a camel." --David Letterman

"It's now believed Iran has the capability to make nuclear weapons but hasn't done it yet. Which could be big trouble, because if there's one thing the Bush Administration won’t tolerate, it’s a middle eastern country that could have weapons of mass destruction, that doesn’t." --Jay Leno

"Iran said they will inflict harm and pain on the United States if we try to stop their nuclear program. Who's writing their speeches now -- Mr. T?" --Jay Leno

"France and Germany warned Iran this week not to pursue their nuclear research program. In fact, France and Germany warned Iran that if they didn't stop their program they would, you know, warn them again." --Jay Leno

"President Bush criticized the election process in Iran. He said there are groups there who try and suppress the vote, power there is in the hands of the very few, and the whole thing is dominated by religion. Hey, that is our system." --Jay Leno

"Russia has agreed to help Iran build a nuclear reactor. Yeah, because when you think well-built nuclear reactor you think Russia" --David Letterman

"The president said today the U.S. does not intend to attack Iran but then he said quote 'but you never want a president to say never.' And he said if his position does change he will make that information public in a time-honored appropriate manner -- by leaking it to a gay prostitute." --Bill Maher

"It's been reported that in the event of an emergency situation with North Korea the U.S. is prepared to send 70% of the Marine Corps to the region. According to President Bush this will still allow us to send another 70% to Iran and keep our other 70% in Iraq." --Tina Fey

"Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice warned Iran not to develop their nuclear weapons program. She said, 'President Bush has a map in his office, and he will find you eventually.'" --Jay Leno

Cantor, Si, Boehner, No, Colorado Repubs have no Candidate

Michael Kinsley
Eugene Robinson

There wasn't a unanimous Republican block vote against taxing the A.I.G. bonuses. No longer are they the solid party of just say no, with Eric Cantor viciously breaking ranks. It may signal that the leadership is taking different positions to give you a choice later on, or they might have legitimate difference of opinions, party strategy be damned...

From Politico: "But for Cantor and Boehner, the vote was something more — the clearest sign yet that the men are taking different paths in the GOP leadership.

Boehner remains firmly entrenched atop his party, but he’s keeping his perch by playing a mostly inside game. He has taken an active role in the party’s campaign committee, installing one of his top political advisers in a leadership role there and making frequent fundraising trips on behalf of members and candidates.

Cantor is playing the outside game. Since becoming whip in the wake of a second straight anti-GOP wave election in 2008, the Virginian has quickly become the public face of House Republicans — in part because he’s willed it so, in part because the Democrats seem happy to elevate him as the GOP’s scary new “Mr. No.”


Colorado Republicans are in the national news again, as Politico reports on the anemic plans to go after the new Democratic Senator Bennet: “With so many Republican losses over the years, the obvious people that would make up the bench have been defeated,” said Colorado-based Republican consultant Katy Atkinson. “The bench right now is very young, which may bode well for the future, but there’s a question whether they’re ready for these top-of-ticket races yet.”

Colorado GOP Chairman Dick Wadhams said three candidates are seriously considering jumping into the Senate race: former Rep. Bob Beauprez, Aurora City Councilman Ryan Frazier and Weld County District Attorney Ken Buck.

The most notable name among the trio is Beauprez, who won the first of two terms in a competitive suburban Denver district in 2002. But he suffered a crushing 17-point loss to Democratic Gov. Bill Ritter in 2006, a considerable setback to his political career.

Beauprez said that he is “pretty darn serious” about running and that he will make a final decision in the next few months. He said he would run against what he views as “increasing socialism” from the Obama administration’s economic proposals. " Of course, it may be difficult to run a campaign from a jail cell if Beauprez is convicted from the Federal investigation against him right now. Besides, anyone who still accuses Obama of socialism is proving how brain dead he is or taking refuge as a scoundrel.

OK, I don't like Bob Beauprez, he is too far right wing for me, and he always spouts the predigested talking points dreamed up by Grover Nordquist and other strategists without seeming to have an original thought of his own, which might explain why he lost to Bill Ritter by so much. And he still goes on in a mental vacuum ignorant of how times have passed him by... Or, to paraphrase Bob Dylan: 

And you know something is happening

But you don't know what it is, 

   Do you, Mr. Beauprez...

Maybe the Republicans could tap into Mit Romney's PAC, which has raised over $570,000 this year and donated only $16,000 to candidates...

Its too bad that politicians get addicted to the adrenaline ego rush of being in a powerful position, they can't let go and spend many years dreaming of what might have happened to their careers. Leaving them around for us to kick each election cycle. At least former Governor Bill Owens knows how to have fun and sets a good example.


Vintage late night Republican jokes:

"William Bennett, the man they call the moral voice of America, lost almost $8 million playing slot machines. And here is the amazing part: He still has a better economic plan than President Bush." —Jay Leno

"The Democrats love to bring up this whole Bill Bennett thing because they said it makes up for Clinton's indiscretions. See the difference is, though, when Bennett hits on 17 it's not someone's daughter." —Jay Leno

"Did you hear what Bennett's lawyers said today? They said it wasn't gambling, but part of his Indian outreach program." —Jay Leno

"Sen. Rick Santorum is causing a lot of controversy this week with remarks he made about gays. He said, 'I have no problem with homosexuals, I have a problem with homosexual acts.' Well maybe he's doing it wrong." —Jay Leno

"Gay rights groups are calling for Santorum's resignation because he compared homosexuality to bigamy, polygamy, adultery and incest. It's not just the gay groups who are insulted. The Mormons are insulted because he included polygamy, Congress was insulted because he included adultery, and Arkansas was insulted because he included incest." —Jay Leno

"What Santorum said was he is not against homosexuals, he is against homosexual acts. He said the only thing you should put in your mouth is your foot." —Jay Leno

"The number two Republican in the Senate, Mitch McConnell underwent heart surgery last week. He's doing fine. Nothing was actually wrong with his heart, it's just that whenever a Republican is elected to a leadership position, they have to have their heart bypassed." —Jay Leno

"The government has now cancelled all pay raises for all federal employees. So let's see, President Bush's party has taken control of Congress, last week they gave themselves a pay raise, and cancelled pay raises for all other employees. I think that's called the 'Republican Trifecta.'" —Jay Leno

"Congressman Bob Barr was at a rally last night when someone gave him a .38 caliber gun as a gift. Well, the gun went off. You know, the politicians hit the floor. The Republicans thought maybe it was an angry voter, someone with money in the stock market. And the Democrats thought maybe it was an angry husband. So, between the two of them, they didn't know where to go." —Jay Leno

"As you know, a judge here in California has ruled that the Pledge of Allegiance is unconstitutional. A reporter asked Attorney General John Ashcroft how he felt about the ruling, but Ashcroft said he couldn't answer, because, you know, he hasn't read the Constitution yet." —Jay Leno

"Today is the anniversary of the Watergate break-in. That's the day the Republicans tried to steal the Democrat's plans. That's also the last time the Democrats had any plans worth stealing. It's also the last time a Republican president had a plan and actually carried it out." —Jay Leno

"Speaking at the National Press Club, former Vice President Dan Quayle said that if you take out the profanity, the TV show The Osbournes is a show about good family values. If you take out the profanity, The Osbournes is about thirty seconds long...Quayle also said that when teenagers see Ozzy Osbourne, it sends them the right message about drugs. Think about it, Dan Quayle never did drugs, he's middle-aged and unemployed. Ozzy did drugs for thirty years, lives in a $10 million dollar house, has his own TV show and a $3 million dollar book deal. What's the message?" —Jay Leno

"NBC announced this week that they will be producing a three-hour TV movie based on the life of Rudy Giuliani. To keep the movie true to life, the Giuliani character is really unlikable until the last fifteen minutes when everyone loves him." —Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Big controversy at the University of Northern Colorado. It seems that an intramural basketball team made up of mostly Native Americans ... decided to protest all the mascots that offend them by naming their team 'The Fighting Whities.' ... Isn't that the name of the Republican Party?" —Jay Leno

"Governor Jeb Bush of Florida announced he was running for re-election. Not only did he announce he was running for re-election, he also announced what his final vote count would be." —Jay Leno

"Actually, he especially denied having an affair with Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris. I believe him, I don't think he did. An affair with Katherine Harris? How much makeup would that leave on your collar? ... He said as a Republican, the only people he's been in bed with are the tobacco industry and the gun lobby." —Jay Leno

"Actually they said they don't really know how many women (Jeb Bush) has been with because since it is Florida, they're still counting. ... Boy talk about switches. During the last administration the president was accused of infidelity and his brother was an idiot. Now it is the other way around." —Jay Leno

"Florida Secretary of State Katherine "Cruella DeVil" Harris is now running for Congress. She is running for Congress but she is now being investigated for budgeting three and half million dollars for overseas travel. It seems she went to Argentina, Panama, Brazil, Venezuela, Barbados, and Mexico all on tax payers' money. She said it was part of a program to see how third world countries fix their elections." —Jay Leno

"New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is once again expressing outrage at an art exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked woman. Said the mayor, 'This trash is not the sort of thing that I want to look at when I go to the museum with my mistress.'" —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

Werewolves of London...TARP Recipients Owe Back Taxes

John McCain, Joe Lieberman
Joe Klein
Dana Millbank
E J Dionne

" Arooooooh! Werewolves of London!" - Warren Zevon

"All the executives and their families should be executed with piano wire around their necks." - anonymous death threat to A.I.G.

"Does Boehner need any justification? It says it right there on his partisan hack license that he can say anything that he wants." - Barney Frank

A lot of fallout from yesterday's Senate hearing with A.I.G., so much so that they are not going to do anything today. Maybe they need time to reflect, or wait until the Republicans can come up with a lame response. The House voted 328 to 93 to get back most of the money by levying a 90 percent tax on it, then it goes to the Senate, oh, sometime next week, ya know, if they get around to it... And, from CNN: "Claiming full responsibility for the situation, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner told CNN today that his office "asked Sen. Chris Dodd to include a loophole in the stimulus bill that allowed bailed-out insurance giant American International Group to keep its bonuses." He said he requested the measure to prevent costly governmental litigation."

 What they are not doing, is asking the companies that A.I.G. paid off billions to come in and explain why they received money, and if they plan on giving any back. You know, share the pain... Goldman Sachs felt they didn't need any bailout because they knew they were getting $12 billion from A.I.G. The outrage seems to be diverted towards the werewolves in London who got the bonuses, rewarded for their incompetent behavior. As I pointed out yesterday, the past head of the Financial Products Unit walked away with a cool $315 million, and nobody has said diddly... Someone took A.I.G. for a ride, out-negotiated the hick, arrogant Americans and ripped out their deregulated throats, and we're mad at them for flopping and bleeding on the ground in front of us...

More from TPM: "Just when you thought it was impossible to find more proof of the bungling of the bailout ... Rep. John Lewis (D-GA), chairman of the House Ways and Means oversight subcommittee, announced this morning that his panel had found 13 of the top 23 recipients of TARP owing the government $220 million in back taxes.

Making matters worse was the fact that any company getting TARP aid had to certify to the Treasury Department that they didn't owe back taxes before getting their share of the bailout, as Lewis explained. It appears that Treasury took the bailed-out businesses at their word rather than asking to actually see their tax records.

If there's any doubt remaining that Congress would not approve any more spending on the financial rescue, Lewis' opening statement this morning should put it to rest:

Taxpayers have no sense that there is any control over this money. They have no idea what, if anything, they will get in return. This entire program is based on trust - trust in the givers and trust in the takers. At this point, there is no trust."

Further, TPM points out that: "It is a rather curious spectacle to see congressional Republicans express outrage at the exorbitant bonuses being handed out by bailed-out companies and blame the Obama administration for failing to curb the practice with AIG. Because when the first installment of the Troubled Asset Relief Program was passed it was the Bush administration and GOPers in Congress who were insisting that caps on executive compensation not be part of the legislation.

As the New York Times reported at the time that TARP was being crafted, "Congress and the administration remained at odds over the demands of some lawmakers, including limits on the pay of top executives whose firms seek help."

Former Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said that while he was upset with the levels of salary afforded to top executives, any cap on such would dissuade companies from participating in the TARP.

"If we design it so it's punitive and so institutions aren't going to participate, this won't work the way we need it to work," he told Fox News Sunday on September 21.

Senator Richard Shelby, the top Republican on the Senate Banking Committee, told CBS news that: "It should be up to the board of directors of a private corporation to set the compensation of an executive; it shouldn't be Congress's role."

Senator Mel Martinez told CNBC that: "While it is very appealing to think about executive compensation as being a part of this, one of the drawbacks to that is perhaps that we would have fewer entities participate in what is essentially a voluntary act."

And House Minority Whip Eric Cantor, "outraged" over AIG's issuance of $165 million in bonuses, said he was not in favor of "the federal government be[ing] able to set salaries across the board," when the issue of executive compensation arose in September 2008." So, who do we strap up to the whipping post and begin to flog in public?

And Bloomberg News reports on this latest from: "Citigroup Inc. plans to spend about $10 million on new offices for Chief Executive Officer Vikram Pandit and his lieutenants, after the U.S. government injected $45 billion of cash into the bank.

Pandit, criticized by lawmakers over Citigroup’s use of U.S. bailout capital, canceled an order for a company jet in January and told Congress on Feb. 11 that, “I get the new reality and I’ll make sure Citi gets it as well.” Of the biggest U.S. banks that received federal aid, only Citigroup has turned to the government three times for rescue. The company, once the biggest U.S. bank by assets and market value, has agreed to limit perks and restrict executive pay." Why doesn't Citigroup just buy A.I.G.'s New York offices, which have just been put up for sale? Using taxpayer money for free office space, who do these folks think they are, the Us Olympic Committee?

This story I couldn't find anywhere last night, but now it's in every blog in Colorado. From The Denver Post: "Both Mark Udall and Michael Bennet have joined a group of Senate Democrats who Wednesday rolled out a centrist bloc likely to have outsized influence over the fate of President Barack Obama's legislative agenda.

Led by Sens. Evan Bayh of Indiana, Tom Carper of Delaware and Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas, the roughly 15-member group is dubbing itself the Moderate Dems Working Group. It will also include key figures such as Sen. Ben Nelson of Nebraska, a pivotal negotiator in the stimulus debate." 

Colorado is a cautious state, our Democrats are moderate to conservative. John Salazar is a member of the Blue Dog Democrats. From the Open Congress wiki: "The term "Blue Dog" is taken from the longtime description of a Southern party loyalist as one who would vote for a yellow dog if it were on the ballot as a Democrat. The 'Blue Dog' moniker was taken by members of the Coalition because their more-conservative views had been 'choked blue' by their party in the years leading up to the 1994 election. They are concentrated in those states where tobacco is a major cash crop, and they have often caucused (House and Senate) to defeat tobacco control legislation, and often vote as a block alongside the Republicans." Now, if we can only get our Republicans to become moderates instead of mentally ill right wingers, we'd be OK...

Also from the Open Congress wiki, a fact I'd forgotten: "Bob Beauprez is currently under investigation by the Justice Department’s Wyoming office. The probe is examining whether Beauprez, a candidate in the 2006 gubernatorial election in Colorado, accessed a restricted federal database for information used in a television ad to attack his Democratic challenger, Bill Ritter. State investigators, who began looking into the matter before the Justice Department, have concluded that the information in the ad came from the National Crime Information Center, a federal database for which only law enforcement officials have access. Using the database for any purpose other than law enforcement is a federal crime which carries a punishment of up to one-year in prison. Beauprez ultimately lost the gubernatorial election to Ritter."

Late night jokes:

"AIG, which already received $170 billion in taxpayers' money, paid $165 million in bonuses. But they say the bonuses are justified because the company made an extra $170 billion last year." --Jay Leno

"Earlier this week, Republican Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa said that AIG executives should follow the Japanese model by publicly apologizing and then doing one of two things — either resign or kill themselves. But why not have them resign, then kill themselves on pay per view, huh? That would raise enough money to pay off everybody they screwed." --Jay Leno

"And the government said they would like to prevent AIG from using taxpayer money to pay themselves these huge bonuses, but there's very little they can do legally. Well, duh, take a page from the Bush/Cheney book and do it illegally. Hey, we all watch '24.' You know how it works. Have Jack Bauer shoot them in the knee. Come on!" --Jay Leno

"Well, the exciting news, President Barack Obama will be on our show tomorrow night. Of course, NBC jumping on every opportunity. They say if the President does well, it could lead to his own series, '30 Barack.'" --Jay Leno

"George Bush is writing a book. No, that's not the joke. It's a serious book about the 12 toughest decisions he made as President. It's called 'The Ten Toughest Decisions I Made As President.' It's a good book. It's a pop-up book."--Jimmy Fallon

"Kim Jong-il has demanded that North Korea open its first pizzeria. It will have pizza just like the kind we have over here, but their Crazy Bread will actually be crazy."--Jimmy Fallon

"I want to go to Papa Jong's, the new North Korean pizzeria. It is going to be good. The delivery policy at the North Korean pizzeria is a little different. If the pizza is not there in 30 minutes or less, the driver gets executed."--Jimmy Fallon

On Dick Cheney's TV interviews: "You know, I don't understand this. The guy is vice president for eight years, you barely see a whiff of him. He lives in some subterranean lair, literally has his house removed from Google Earth. Then, when he's no longer accountable to the American people, he's popping up everywhere, can't get him off my TV. He's like the Mario Lopez of doom now." --Jon Stewart

Once Again its A.I.G., Bank Of America, Gitmo, Xe Xe

Maureen Dowd
Kathleen Parker
Dana Millbank
Edward Liddy CEO A.I.G.

"I'm not going to spend my time criticizing him. There are plenty of critics in the arena. He deserves my silence." -- Former President Bush, quoted by the Associated Press, saying he wants President Obama to succeed.

From the Political Wire: In an interesting op-ed, former RNC spokesman Alex Conant concludes that "much of the conventional wisdom about Obama is wrong."

He lists the five biggest misconceptions:

Obama is bold. "Actually, he is overly cautious."

Obama is a great communicator. "Cut away the soaring rhetoric in his speeches, and the resulting policy statements are often vague, lawyerly and confusing."

Obamaland is a team of rivals. "His closest advisers — those who actually shape his thinking, strategy and policies — are loyal and, by all accounts, like-minded. Obama does try to bring political foes into the fold when it’s convenient, but his team is primarily made up of political friends. "

Obama is smooth. "Despite being deliberate, Obama is surprisingly gaffe-prone."

Obama has a good relationship with the media. "Working with the hundreds of reporters who covered the Obama campaign last year, I was struck by how many of them would quietly complain about Obama's borderline disdain for the press."

The hotseat today belongs to Edward Liddy, the CEO of A.I.G., who seems pretty passive-agressive about the uproar over the bonuses paid to the Financial Products Unit. Today he is  going to be roasted before Congress. TPM, reports on further rip off by the former head of that Financial Products Unit: "Over the last couple weeks we learned that after Joseph Cassano, head of AIG Financial Products, got a $1 million a month consulting contract after being canned for destroying the company. He was eventually completely, finally fired last fall after AIG exploded and the government had to take it over.

Michael Daly, at the NY Daily News, has put together the numbers. And as AIGFP was collapsing into hundreds of billion dollars of losses that the US taxpayer had to pick up, he managed to walk away with a cool $315 million." The really fun quotes will be available after the hearing, it should be a lot of fun, maybe someone will tape it and sell it on ebay...The more information that comes out the more sick and twisted the tail. Time to bring back Henry Paulson to personally thank him for his sharp oversight...

On the other hand, The Charlotte Observer reports that Bank Of America will probably be able to pay back its $20 billion in TARP money by the end of 2010: "Ken Lewis also said he expects his Charlotte-based bank to be profitable this year “absent some unexpected meltdown” and to pass the government's stress test. He also said he'd like for the bank to make $30 billion in a year before he exits.

When the Treasury created TARP in October, it decreed that banks had to hold onto their funds for at least three years, or raise replacement capital. A last-minute provision inserted in the stimulus bill last month deleted the requirement about replacement capital, making it easier for banks to pay back the money more quickly. A number of smaller banks have already filed notice with the Treasury Department about plans to pay back the investment. Asked whether the bank has been unfairly criticized for anything in recent months, he said: “I would need some time to compile a list.”

Lawrence Wilkerson, who was on Colin Powell's staff when he was Secretary of State, makes the case that: "There are several dimensions to the debate over the U.S. prison facilities at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba that the media have largely missed and, thus, of which the American people are almost completely unaware. For that matter, few within the government who were not directly involved are aware either.

The first of these is the utter incompetence of the battlefield vetting in Afghanistan during the early stages of the U.S. operations there.

The second dimension that is largely unreported is that several in the U.S. leadership became aware of this lack of proper vetting very early on and, thus, of the reality that many of the detainees were innocent of any substantial wrongdoing, had little intelligence value, and should be immediately released.

The third basically unknown dimension is how hard Secretary of State Colin Powell and his deputy Richard Armitage labored to ameliorate the GITMO situation from almost day one."

Jeremy Scahill reports in the Huffington Post that Blackwater Security, now named Xe, has another contract with our goverment in Iraq. He quotes the State Department: "State Department spokesman Noel Clay told the Washington Times the contract modification involves aviation services. "The place of performance is Iraq, but it is totally different than the Baghdad one that expires in May," he said. Sloan called the State Department's explanation of the Feb. 2 deal a "parsing of words" and said "they should just be straight with us." Xe spokeswoman Anne Tyrell declined to comment on the status of the company's work in Iraq or the Feb. 2 contract modification. She said the company was aware that the State Department had indicated that it did not plan to renew its contracts in Iraq but that Xe officials had not received specific information about leaving the country. "We're following their direction," she said. Sometimes the more things change the more they remain the same...

Late night jokes:

"You all ready for March madness? But enough about A.I.G.'s big bonuses." --Jay Leno

"Well, you've probably heard of this. The insurance company A.I.G. has done it again. They announced they're giving their executives another $165 million in bonuses. So they bankrupt the company, took $170 billion of our dollars, and they're giving out bonuses. You know the main thing they want to reward their people for? Convincing the Treasury Department to give out $170 billion to a failing company so they can give out bonuses for a job well done. It's very well thought out." --Jay Leno

"Here's the best part. They don't have to account for any of this. Now it turns out they gave $35 billion -- not million -- $35 billion of our money to bail out European banks. See, this is how a global economy works. Our hard earned tax dollars are used to bail out German banks for making bad investments in American companies that shut down because their Japanese owners moved the whole thing to India, China and Mexico. You follow?" --Jay Leno

"Boy, you thought St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. Let's send him down to Wall Street. That's what we should do." --Jay Leno

"And some sad news. Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin's daughter, has broken up with babydaddy Levi Johnston. I was stunned when I heard. I mean, really, if two kids without a decent education and no jobs and a baby can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?" --Jay Leno

"No, Levi told a friend, 'I should have spent more time picking a mate,' which is the same thing John McCain said about Sarah Palin." --Jay Leno

"The U.S. Justice department said they will no longer use the term “enemy combatant” when talking about detainees at Guantanamo Bay. The new name will be 'guys who make you nervous when they're on your flight.' --Jay Leno

"There are legitimate moral and ethical concerns over the use of embryonic stem cells. Fetus farms, and then you know, there's going to be fetus farm subsidies. But they're never going to the little family fetus farms, it's going to be the agri-fetus farms. All the hippy elitists will be like, I want free range fetuses." --Jon Stewart (Watch video clip)

A.I.G. Invited to Commit Seppuku, Khatani Resigns

David Brooks
Eugene Robinson
Clarence Page

Steal a little and they throw you in jail,
Steal a lot and they make you king ... -Bob Dylan

“The first thing that would make me feel a little bit better towards them if they’d follow the Japanese model and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say I’m sorry, and then either do one of two things — resign, or go commit suicide.” - Charles Grassley (R-IOWA)

"I guess Rush Limbaugh was busy, so they trotted out the next-most-popular member of the Republican cabal." - Robert Gibbs


If you have a PDF reader, here is the actual white paper that A.I.G. sent to the Treasury Dept.You can read it and decide if they have a good argument, or if it's not worth dog spit...

As expected, the fallout from the A.I.G. revelation has been fierce. It shows the undercurrent of anger, frustration, and fear from so many Americans who have lost their jobs, or lost their homes, or both, with no immediate prospects of help to solve their problems. And some guys in London are making millions in bonuses with their money. It doesn't matter if its Bush or Obama in charge, the pressure is mounting and may boil over into violent action, probably triggered by something a little closer to home...

The outrage from Congress, which always seems a bit fake and contrived, spans both parties. The NY Times reports that: "AIG’s woes threaten to severely complicate Obama’s hopes of returning to the well — again — for more bailout cash. His administration has already hinted at another $750 billion in bailout funds, but public opinion and congressional resistance will make that a tough sell.

“Obama fears there’s not going to be an appetite for more bailouts on Capitol Hill after this,” says a former Federal Reserve official. “You can only go back to the trough so many times. The risk is that, next time, Congress will say, ‘Drop dead.’”

Here's a good, quick analysis from Gregory D. Hess, Professor of Economics and Taxation, Dean of Faculty, Claremont McKenna College: "The Obama team is doing triage but needs to focus on financial markets. The AIG compensation hullabaloo, while it is unpleasant and poorly timed, is mostly political and not the main issue. The team has focused so much on bank balance sheets and capital standards, but it must also look at the income statement too -- how are these financial firms, upon which our economic prosperity relies, to become profitable once more? The "rules of the game" need to be reset. The team needs to organize a transparent (no product can be too exotic), comprehensive (no class of financial firms can remain under the radar), predictable (no one should wonder who is to be bailed out and who will not be) and international (no shifting activity to less monitored environments) regulatory policy. This is a big task, but it is THE task."

Iran's Ayatollah Khatani has withdrawn from the presidential race. according to the NY Times: “He does not want to compete with Mir-Hussein Moussavi,” said Mr. Leylaz, referring to a former prime minister who announced last week that he would run in the presidential election on June 12. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is expected to seek re-election.

“The most important goal is to prevent Mr. Ahmadinejad from re-election, not to get Mr. Khatami elected,” Mr. Leylaz said. “The chances of getting a reformist president elected would decrease if we have several candidates running.”

In the meeting on Sunday, Mr. Khatami told campaign staff members that Mr. Moussavi might stand a better chance of winning than he would, the Mehr news agency reported" Khatani is a person most hated by the right wingers in Iran, he is seen as wanting to change the fundamental structure of Iranian political culture. This is also why the younger people, and 70% of the population is under 35, like him. Mr Moussavi has some support with moderate conservatives, so the thinking is that he might have a better chance in uniting the reformists into one cohesive whole. 

From Al Jazeera: "Khatami said Mousavi had a better chance than him of siphoning off conservatives' votes, and has the necessary qualifications to bring change to the country.
"He can potentially win people's votes and get elected provided we act with wisdom and realism," Khatami said. Mousavi managed the country during the 1980-88 war with Iraq."

Gov. Sarah Palin's spokesman said Monday that congressional Republicans were mistaken in announcing the governor would headline one of the biggest Republican gatherings of the year, the Senate-House dinner in Washington, D.C. The governor's office said Palin has not even confirmed she would be attending the event. "I communicated with the governor directly and she did not know anything about it," said Bill McAllister, the governor's spokesman.

Suppose you gave an annual fundraising dinner and forgot to confirm the keynote speaker? That's what happened to the National Republican Congressional Committee, which Michael Steele has no part of so you can't blame this one on him...

From the Anchorage Daily News: "The chairmen of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, Texas Sen. John Cornyn, and the National Republican Congressional Committee, Texas Rep. Pete Sessions, sent out a press release Monday announcing Palin as keynote speaker for the June 8 event. The Associated Press distributed the story and it appeared on the Web sites of the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Dallas Morning News and USA Today, among many others.

McAllister said Palin asked him why The Associated Press was reporting that she was going to do this. "I pointed out the (National Republican Senatorial Committee) press release and she was like, no," he said.

NRSC spokesman Brian Walsh said Monday night that the staff of the governor's national political action committee, SarahPAC, had confirmed Palin would indeed speak at the Senate-House dinner.

"The committees have confirmed this with the governor's political staff at SarahPAC, not her official staff in Juneau, so it's understandable why there may be a miscommunication here," Walsh said. SarahPAC spokeswoman Meg Stapleton could not be reached for comment Monday night..."


David Brody from the Christian Broadcasting Network reports that the White House Faith Based Office is meeting with conservative evangelical Christian groups to: "focus on the need to reduce abortions in the country and on responsible fatherhood programs. Also present at the meeting will be Tom McClusky, Senior Vice-President of the Family Research Council as well as representatives from the Christian Medical Association and Care Net, a pro-life Evangelical pregnancy crisis group.

It’ll be interesting to see how this meeting goes. Say what you want about White House policies as it relates to social issues like abortion but look, I’ve been covering this religious team over at The White House for a few years now. I don’t think there’s any question that they are sincere in engaging conservative minded Evangelicals on the abortion issue not to mention other important topics too. They are not shy when it comes to ‘breaking bread” with the so-called “other side”. It’s refreshing to see. Whether it can lead to some middle ground remains to be seen but the effort is a valiant one."

Late night jokes:

"Happy Friday the 13th. Are you worried it's Friday the 13th? Hey, for the last six months, every day has been Friday the 13th. Hey, but good news, the stock market was up for the fourth day in a row. See, I don't know what makes me happier, seeing the stock market going up, or Bernard Madoff going down." -- Jay Leno

"According to the New York Times, President Barack Obama plans to nominate Dr. Margaret A. Hamburg, a former New York City health commissioner to be the new head of the Food and Drug Administration. See, I think this is a chance for President Obama to step across party lines. You know who he should nominate for this job? Rush Limbaugh. No, no, think about it. Who has had more experience with food and drugs than Rush Limbaugh?" --Jay Leno

"Hey, some sad news. Bristol Palin, you know, the daughter of Governor Sarah Palin, and her fiance, Levi Johnston, have broken up. Well, who could have seen that coming? Ironically, you know what happened? She could see him with another girl from her front porch." -- Jay Leno

"So, Bristol is now a single mother, or, as the press calls her, the Uno-Mom." -- Jay Leno

"Police in Illinois claim that Gary Skoien, the former chairman of the Cook County Republican party, was in his children's playroom at one in the morning with two hookers, when his wife walked in, caught him and beat him up with a toy guitar. As always, people are shocked. What, a Chicago politician involved in an illegal activity that didn't involve a bribe? Is that possible?" -- Jay Leno

"Because of the bad economy, they're laying off employees on 'Sesame Street.' It's pretty sad. Elmo is now out on the street letting people tickle him for $5." -- Jay Leno

"Today is Friday the 13th. You know who is superstitious about Friday the 13th? Republicans. They say the country is having bad luck because we let a black cat in the White House." -- Bill Maher

"Michael Steele, the head of the Republican party, is in very hot water this week, once again, for suggesting that, actually, it is the woman's choice, if she's pregnant, what to do. And also suggesting that homosexuality is something you're born with. Rush Limbaugh attacked him today for being dangerously sane." -- Bill Maher

"Bristol Palin, remember Bristol Palin? Sarah Palin's knocked up daughter? She was going to marry the young hockey player, Levi. Remember Levi? Free Levi, I love Levi. Well, apparently Bristol and Levi broke up. Bristol said she wants her baby raised free of ignorance and backwoods superstition. But you can't stop Mom from visiting." -- Bill Maher

"Today is the one-year anniversary, it's been one year since former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigned. One year! It's just flown by. ... But you gotta give the former governor credit. Here's the deal. At one point, he just decided that he enjoyed whores more than governing, and he would have rendezvous in swanky, classy, expensive hotel suites. Now, that's the difference between Republicans, when Republicans and Democrats have affairs. Democrats, it's always the swanky expensive suite. Republicans, it's always an airport men's room. It's not right." -- David Letterman

David Letterman's Top Ten Ways the GOP Can Become More Hip

10. Change mascot from an elephant to a can of Mountain Dew.
9. Buy one of them computers all the kids are using.
8. Appoint Michael Phelps chairman in charge of chillaxing.
7. They should totally start a band.
6. Change Rush Limbaugh's name to Spongerush Fatpants.
5. Add highlights to combovers and hairpieces.
4. Four words: Lil Wayne for Senator.
3. Bring back this guy. [on screen: video of George Bush dancing]
2. How 'bout stealing and ordering hits like when Nixon ran things.
1. Fewer reactionary old white guys

Power to the People: A.I.G. and Pakistan

Paul Krugman
Fareed Zakaria

“Of all the events and all of the things we’ve done in the last 18 months, the single one that makes me the angriest, that gives me the most angst, is the intervention with A.I.G.” - Ben Bernanke

"These people may have a right to their bonuses but they don't have a right to their jobs forever." - Barney Frank

"Honoring contractual commitments is at the heart of what we do in the insurance business." - Edward Liddy, A.I.G.


Wow. Sometimes public outrage and protests actually work. A.I.G. actually released where its money has gone, as reported by the NY Times: "Amid rising pressure from Congress and taxpayers, the American International Group on Sunday released the names of dozens of financial institutions that benefited from the Federal Reserve’s decision last fall to save the giant insurer from collapse with a huge rescue loan.

With public anger rising, A.I.G. disclosed some financial institutions that benefited from the federal bailouts meant to prop up the troubled insurance giant. Financial companies that received multibillion-dollar payments owed by A.I.G. include Goldman Sachs ($12.9 billion), Merrill Lynch ($6.8 billion), Bank of America ($5.2 billion), Citigroup ($2.3 billion) and Wachovia ($1.5 billion).

Big foreign banks also received large sums from the rescue, including Société Générale of France and Deutsche Bank of Germany, which each received nearly $12 billion; Barclays of Britain ($8.5 billion); and UBS of Switzerland ($5 billion).

A.I.G. also named the 20 largest states, starting with California, that stood to lose billions last fall because A.I.G. was holding money they had raised with bond sales. In total, A.I.G. named nearly 80 companies and municipalities that benefited most from the Fed rescue, though many more that received smaller payments were left out." 

A.I.G. did this to deflect criticism on their paying out $450 million in bonuses to the members of the Financial Products division, with $1.2 billion across the whole company, whose names they are keeping confidential. 370 people will receive over a million dollars each... As Robert Reich pointed out: "the scandal is that even at this late date, even in a new administration dedicated to doing it all differently, Americans still have so little say over what is happening with our money." Impotent we are. Mr Liddy is flipping off the Fed. As I said before, if the taxpayers now own 80% of companies like A.I.G., its time we fired the CEOs and board of directors, and find some responsible people to take their place. Ahh, but where can we find an honest person?..

In Pakistan, a week's worth of protesting and demonstrating in the streets, mostly by lawyers has resulted in that nation's top judge being reinstated, as reported by the NY Times: "The Pakistani government agreed early on Monday to reinstate the independent-minded former chief justice of the Supreme Court, a stunning concession to the opposition leader Nawaz Sharif, who had been heading toward the capital in a convoy threatening to stage a mass protest over the issue after he broke free from house arrest at his residence near here."

Showing that diplomacy works better than guns, TPM reports: "Nine former senior US officials and one current adviser are urging the Obama administration to talk with leaders of Hamas to determine whether the militant group can be persuaded to disarm and join a peaceful Palestinian government, a major departure from current US policy.

The bipartisan group, which includes economic recovery adviser Paul A. Volcker and former national security advisers Brent Scowcroft and Zbigniew Brzezinski, made the recommendation in a letter handed to Obama days before he took office, according to Scowcroft." Yep, times sure are changing, away from the Dick Cheney view of the universe...

Bernie Madoff's wife is claiming that $92 million in cash and property is hers, not from ripping anybody off. They were from previous  contractual agreements...some of the most expensive hummers in recorded history...

And good news for the parents of teenagers everywhere, some agency is reporting that teens are inhaling less paint thinner and lighter fluid, sniffing less glue than during previous years. The bad news is the latest crop of Afghan heroin is cheaper than ever... Now that West Africa is being cracked down on as the major import point for South American cocaine, heroin is quickly taking its place as the drug of choice from Russia to Iran...

Some late night jokes on the economy:

"The federal government announced today that the recession ended back in November of 2001. It ended two years ago! Be sure to pass that on to all your unemployed friends. So you know what that means? The past twenty months of job layoffs, corporate bankruptcies and declining stocks, those were the good times. We should have been living it up." —Jay Leno

"Yesterday Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan said he would be willing to serve another term. Greenspan said, 'Where else would I get a job in this economy?'" —Conan O'Brien

"Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'" —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush unveiled his new economic stimulus plan this week. It was reported that if the plan passes, the president himself would save $44,000 in taxes, Dick Cheney would save $327,000, and you could afford to take the whole family down to Burger King to pick up job applications." —Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"President Bush's economic plan will create 2.5 million new jobs. The bad news, they are all for Iraqi soldiers." —Craig Kilborn

"According to a new study, bad economic times can actually be good for you because people tend to exercise more and eat better. This is not a recession, this is the Bush Health Care Plan." —Jay Leno