Weekend Updates: Newt, Steele, and the Plumber Toss John a Boehner...

Kathleen Parker

"I ... wanted them to see I was alive and well, contrary to that senator who said I'd be dead within nine months." - Ruth Ginsburg

TPM has this update on Michael Steele: "According to Mike Allen, the people around Michael Steele are thinking he should bring on a co-chairman who will focus on organizing, management and fundraising and let Michael stay focused on TV appearances where he's doing such a bang-up job ... Its bad enough the GOP has been playing copycat since the presidential campaigns, and they have elected Mr Steele to the RNC because he's Black, in the worst example of affirmative action I've ever seen. To use my favorite analogy, just because you are Chinese doesn't mean you can cook, and just because you are a conservative black man doesn't mean you are qualified to run a national office, especially if there are criminal complaints against you...

Here's more on Newt Gingrich's desire to run for president in 2012: "As we said a couple days ago, there’s always a slogan. You know, Barack Obama’s successful “Yes we can” or Walter Mondale’s failed “America needs a change” or James Blaine’s “Ma, Ma, Where’s my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha” (That one failed too. Ask President Blaine).

So with news today that Newt Gingrich is considering a run for president in 2012, there are any number of slogans you could try, like:

“You got any other suggestions?” or “Hey, I’m not Joe the Plumber!” or “Newt-Rush 2012: We’ll talk your ear off.” Guess I'm going to have to come up with a few slogans myself, I wonder how much Newt would pay for a ghost writer?

The Christian Science Monitor has a great piece on Joe the Plumber suing the state of Ohio: "It would be a heckuva lot more dramatic if Joe the Plumber announced he was representing himself in the lawsuit. Entering the courtroom with legal briefs in one hand and plunger in the other. Vowing to flush the legal system clean of impropriety and wrong doing.

It kinda has a John Grisham feel to it.

Sure, Joe doesn’t have a law degree, but he doesn’t have a plumber’s license either. And in just a few short months, he’s been a renaissance man. Campaigner, author, war correspondent, economic advisor, speaker — why not lawyer?" The one thing that is not lacking is the size of this guy's ego. We might as well train him and let him do a radio talk show...

This next news item pretty much proves that congressional Republicans have gone totally insane: "The top Republican in the House is seizing on the latest spike in unemployment to call for a freeze on government spending and to urge President Barack Obama to veto a $410 billion spending bill.

Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio, said the jump in unemployment to 8.1 percent and the loss of 651,000 jobs in February is a sign of a worsening recession that demands better solutions from both parties. Boehner criticized the spending bill as chocked full of wasteful, pork-barrel projects.... Boehner said he hoped Obama would veto the bill. He urged the president to work with House Republicans to impose a spending freeze until the end of this fiscal year."

The spending bill was put together with Republican help at the end of the Bush administration, and the biggest pork projects were written in by Republicans. I believe I read that Boehner himself has asked for over $118 million... I can see going over every item of procurement to make sure we are getting stuff at a fair price, deleting excess, redundant, and corrupt practices from how we do business. Lord knows how much the Bush administration screwed up the process by deliberately throwing those monkey wrenches, trying to destroy the government in the name of limited government. And, we should even eliminate all earmarks until we can redo that process, making it honest, transparent, and not allowing them to be written by lobbyists or congressmen to accept campaign contributions for writing in an earmark...

The pessimistic consensus I've read in response to the spike in unemployment, which doesn't seem to be getting any better, is that the economic stimulus may have been too little too late, and more may be needed. A spending freeze is just the opposite response and would create more of a depression. Its a tactic that would work better in a healthy economy. This is just brain-dead whining. If you really want to be part of the problem solving process, you have to come up with good ideas, not be the laughing stock with everyone pointing at you... As long as has beens like John Boehner and Newt Gingrich are in charge Republicans might as well roll over and die, or leave and create a few new parties...

Late night jokes:

"Barack Obama bought a brand new swing set for his daughters, Malia and Sasha. It has a slide and a rope ladder. It's great. It's much nicer than the one George Bush used." --Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new study, people are sleeping less because they're worried about the economy. I think also it might have something to do with the fact they're sleeping under bridges." -- Craig Ferguson

"One in 10 Californians are now unemployed. Unfortunately, Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't one of them." -- Craig Ferguson

"Was it nice outside today or not? Yeah! Sunny. I thought it was a very sunny day. I'm driving to work today and I saw a foreclosure sign with an awning." -- David Letterman

"Beautiful day. It was so sunny, as a matter of fact, down on Wall Street, the stockbrokers were applying sunscreen before they jumped." -- David Letterman

"But do you know anything about the Dow Jones, ladies and gentlemen? The Dow Jones average went down to 6,000. Do you know what that means? Neither do
I, but it's the first time in 12 years that the Dow has been the same as Rush Limbaugh's cholesterol." -- David Letterman

"As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. I don't want to say Rush is fat but he is a red state." -- David Letterman

"Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, however. And he says that he can defeat President Obama in a debate. I'm thinking maybe a competitive eating contest, but I don't know about a debate." -- David Letterman

"Oh, big day in Washington, DC, today. Pretty boy Brad Pitt was down there talking to Congress. Brad Pitt, of course, married to the original octomom." -- David Letterman

"I love this story. The President's latest nominee, this one for US trade representative, a man named Ron Kirk, who owes the government $10,000 in back taxes, has agreed to pay his taxes. That's what the paper said today. He's agreed to pay them. When was there a choice?" -- Jay Leno

"And Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner announced he plans to go after tax evaders after failing to pay his own taxes. It is all part of the government's "Operation Do As I Say, Not As I Do.'" -- Jay Leno

"And according to a top Russian scholar, the US economy will collapse next year, which comes as a huge shock to most people. I think we thought it was going to collapse this year, so we've got another year to party. Yeah!" -- Jay Leno

"And Bernard Madoff, the man who operated the Ponzi scream that screwed $50 billion out of people is now saying he should be allowed to keep $62 million and his $7 million penthouse. Yeah. His lawyers are arguing he needs that money to live out the rest of his life. You know, I've got a solution for that, okay? It's called the death penalty." -- Jay Leno

"I'll tell you, the economy is in bad shape in this country, but the local economy here in Los Angeles is improving, especially if your name is Manny Ramirez. Yeah. Hear about this? Ramirez signed a two-year, $45 million deal with pro baseball's Los Angeles Dodgers. And Ramirez played hardball for that money. He told the Dodgers that if they did not give him the money he was asking for, he was going to leave and go over to AIG, who has plenty of dough." -- Jay Leno

"You know what famous pet passed way? Socks the cat, who was 9 years old so I guess it was time. But right up until the end, Bill Clinton was still blaming the cat for the fresh scratch marks on his back." -- Jay Leno

Mr. Gingrich,I Knew Ronald Reagan, and Sir...

Paul Krugman
Dana Millbank
Michael Gerson

"There is no such thing as a moderate Republican. A moderate Republican is a liberal." - Rush Limbaugh

I guess he means me...I'm like most people, liberal on some things, conservative on others. I like to hear as many viewpoints as I can before I make up my mind, and I can change that opinion if I was proven to be wrong, as the 12 year old granddaughter so often tells me...

From TPM: "In an interview with The Hill, Robert Gibbs explained why he has taken to calling out media hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Rick Santelli or Jim Cramer: "There's a certain amount of theater to it that might make it more fun, but it's important that people understand the policy." And his take on the GOP infighting over Limbaugh: "If your enemies are fighting themselves, then don't get in the way."

When some conservatives argue, as the Wall Street Journal's Daniel Henninger did yesterday, that Republicans should "relearn the core idea handed down to them by Ronald Reagan," it seems there is a lot of wiggle room for interpretation. As the Political Animal reports: "According to a recent Treasury Department study, Ronald Reagan proposed the largest peacetime tax increase in American history as part of a budget deal to get the federal deficit under control. The Tax Equity and Fiscal Responsibility Act (TEFRA) of 1982 was signed into law on Sept. 3, and most of its provisions took effect on Jan. 1, 1983.

During debate on TEFRA, many conservatives predicted economic disaster. They argued that raising taxes in the midst of a severe recession was exactly the wrong thing to do. "Every school child knows you don't raise taxes in a recession unless you want to make it worse," The Wall Street Journal's editorial page warned. Said Rep. Newt Gingrich, "I think it will make the economy sicker." The Chamber of Commerce of the U.S. said it had "no doubt that it will curb the economic recovery everyone wants."

Looking at the data, however, it is very hard to see any evidence that TEFRA had a negative effect on growth. Indeed, one could easily make a case that its enactment stimulated growth.
It's a reminder of just how wrong the exact same cast of characters has been for quite a long while. When Reagan raised taxes, Gingrich, the WSJ editorial page, and conservative activists thought it would produce awful results. It didn't. When Clinton raised taxes, the same motley crew raised the same dire warnings about recessions and unemployment. They were wrong again. When Bush cut taxes, these same observers predicted robust economic growth and balanced budgets for years to come. That ... how do I put this gently ... didn't quite work out.

And now, here we are again, with Obama presenting an ambitious economic plan, some of which includes targeted tax increases. And wouldn't you know it, Gingrich, the WSJ editorial page, conservative activists everywhere, and a handful of useless Democrats are complaining about the dire consequences of modest tax increases."

Too many myths have spread about how pure a conservative Ronald Reagan was. One of the sad truths is that he came down with Alzheimer's during the last three years while he was in office, and his handlers tried to protect him from interviews and press conferences where people would discover. The whole experience kind of radicalized Nancy Reagan, who came out in support of stem cell research after he died, and wouldn't let other Republicans use Ronald's name on honorific images and naming places after him.

In an opinion piece in Politico, John Feehy writes: "It is now highly fashionable for Republican thought leaders to throw George W. Bush under the bus. I didn’t work in the White House, and nobody will ever confuse me with a “Bushie.” But in my view, our 43rd president took enough arrows from the left. He shouldn’t have to take so many from the right.

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, in a recent speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference, summed up the right’s newfound disgust with all things Bush: “There is a Bush-Obama continuity in economic policy, which is, frankly, a disaster for this country and cannot work.”Newt’s comments were purposefully provocative and perfectly wrong."  

I put these pieces together because Newt Gingrich is going to try and run for president in 2012, that is the reason why we are seeing so much of him lately, and why Eric Cantor is sucking up to him bigtime. I've read his books and he's pretty lightweight in the thinking department, would rather come up with cute sayings like drill, baby, drill than an astute analysis. Plus, he's morally bankrupt and a hypocrite, and responsible for much of the corrupt ways earmarks are made these days.

Politico reports: "One reality check on the Newt mania: He remains a deeply unpopular figure in America, having never rehabilitated himself after his 1998 fall on a broad scale, though he has done so within Republican circles.

The latest poll I can find on him, a Quinnipiac national survey from 2007, found that a remarkable 47% of Americans had unfavorable opinions of him. The survey found that 22% had favorable views, and the balance didn't know enough. That's a tough place to start."  

Late night jokes:

"I don't need to tell you folks, but the economy is so bad right now that over 1,000 Americans have volunteered to become the Obama dog." --David Letterman

"President Obama -- talk about a tough gig, and talk about optimism. The guy is saying it's a good time to buy stocks. So here's what you do. Instead of that latte you buy in the morning, pick yourself up a thousand shares of GM." --David Letterman

"By the way, ladies and gentlemen, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party. And I'm thinking, if I see any more of Rush Limbaugh, I'm going to have to send my housekeeper out to buy me painkillers." --David Letterman

"The Republican Party said it would donate Sarah Palin's $150,000 wardrobe to a needy cause. That's nice, that's nice. They looked around. It turns out the neediest cause is the Republican Party." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama has installed his long-time friend Julius Genachowski as chairmen of the FCC I speak for all of the Americans here when I say, we're f**king thrilled to have you, buddy." --Jimmy Fallon

"Microsoft is promoting its new search engine, called Kumo, to compete with Google. Bill Gates promised that it will make Microsoft the No. 1 place on the web for things that have already been invented." --Jimmy Fallon

"And the Federal Reserve chairman said today that the $700 billion bailout of the banks is not going to be enough money. When did the Federal Reserve become like a car mechanic, you know? 'Yeah, we can get the economy running for maybe $700 billion, but there's no guarantee it's not gonna stall out on you.'
Well, now, the government has given AIG $30 billion more. We gave them $165 billion. Now we're giving them $30 billion. You know what AIG stands for? 'And it's gone!'" --Jay Leno

"And when is it -- I mean we're not even talking millions, we're talking billions -- and when is it enough? Even kids have to do something for their allowance, don't they? Can't we get these AIG guys to mow the lawn or take out the garbage? Do something. Pick up trash in orange jump suits, maybe?" --Jay Leno

"The Dow Jones numbers are so low today they were made an honorary NBC affiliate. That's how bad the economy is." --Jay Leno

"I'll tell you how bad the economy is. Listen, I was in Beverly Hills, and I saw a guy driving an American car." --Jay Leno

Who Will Be the Next Newt?, Barbecuing Karl Rove

Timothy Egan
John Boehner
E J Dionne
Dana Millbank

"The point that I've been trying to make which is if you go back and listen to that [CNN] exchange, there was no attack [from me] on Rush. I was saying that there are people out there who actually want to demonize and use him as a boogie man, but also say that what he is saying is ugly and divisive." - Michael Steele

And here's Steele over the weekend on CNN:

"Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. Rush Limbaugh, his whole thing is entertainment. Yes, it's incendiary. Yes, it's ugly." - Michael Steele

Here's a piece from Time magazine's Swampland, on the Democrats looking for a villain to pit against their hero Obama: "Every great hero needs a nemesis to overcome – look at how engrossed the nation became with Barack Obama's epic struggle for the Democratic nomination with Hillary Clinton. In their search for an opponent after the defeat of John McCain, Democrats and the media have alternately tried to promote Rush Limbaugh, Eric Cantor, Sarah Palin and the clearly not ready for prime time Bobby Jindal (not to mention the b-list: Romney, Pawlenty, Sanford and Crist). For those you laboring under the misapprehension that the Obama White House has spent all of 20 minutes talking about Rush this week, as early as January Obama had Limbaugh in his sights. It has always behooved the Dems to promote Limbaugh as he can be relied upon to say something outrageous and gin up the Dem base.
But with no next generation Newt Gingrich on the horizon, the GOP has settled into a caretakership – with Minority Leaders Mitch McConnell and John Boehner steering opposition to Obama's agenda and looking to gain at the edges, testing new messages and strategies in local and congressional races. This hullabaloo over whether Democratic strategists -- and, gasp, not the pristine White House! -- have been looking for straw men to slay is ridiculous; it would only surprising if they weren't looking for a foil for Obama. As the GOP tries to reorganize itself in the wake of stunning losses on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue, the lack of a figurehead is perhaps the silver lining of the party's leadership vacuum: there is no clear opponent, no one to take responsibility and no one for Obama to defeat."

Speaking of demons and demonizing, Karl Rove and Harriet Miers have been successfully subpoenaed and will appear before Congress to testify on their involvement with firing of Federal prosecutors. Salon has this quick take-out on the matter: "Rove also -- and in this he's not really wrong -- sees this as a somewhat personal thing against him by Democrats. Speaking of two other former Bush aides who've been subpoenaed, Harriet Miers and Josh Bolten, Rove said, "I understand they may be the hors d'oeuvres, but I'm the main course. Some Democrats would love to have me barbecued."

I don't know about you all, but personally, I imagine Rove -- even if coated in a nice dry rub and cooked over a low fire for seven or eight hours -- would be stringy and tough. I'd much prefer a plate of Eastern North Carolina style barbecue pork from, say, Parker's. Hush puppies, slaw and sweet tea on the side, natch."

Damn it, now I'm hungry.

Lately there have been on-air meltdowns by reporters and economic personalities, vehemently saying that this economic crisis is all Barack Obama's fault. It makes entertaining watching and you never know on what show the next rant will come from. Luckily, it's all caught on video and we can watch it afterwards on YouTube. I guess this means I'm going to have to start posting these viral videos on my blog because the power of the written word is just not enough. Again, Salon has an analysis: "The argument that Obama is somehow responsible for the collapse of Wall Street is absurd. First, every major policy that led to this collapse occurred under George W.'s watch (or, more accurately, his failure to watch). The housing and financial bubbles were created under Bush and exploded under Bush. The stock market began to collapse under Bush.

Second, it's inevitable that stocks, led by the bloated financial sector, would lose their remaining hot air as the new administration begins "stress-testing" the big banks, many of which are technically insolvent. After all, their share prices were built on a tissue of lies and dreams. Other sectors whose values were similarly distorted and distended by years of financial deception and regulatory disregard, such as housing and insurance, will also have to return to the real world before they can recover. Which could mean more stock losses.

Finally, none of the financial wizards who are now charging Obama with leading America into the abyss have offered an alternative plan for getting us out of the mess that, not incidentally, many of these same wizards happily led us into. For years, the Wall Street Journal editorial page and the financial gurus of cable news cheered as Wall Street leveraged its way into oblivion."

I love the Southern states, all that heat and humidity must do something to the synapses in the brain, because some very wacky characters arrive on the national scene speaking that famous drawl. For example, David Gibbs III, a lawyer who in 2005 fought to keep brain-damaged Terri Schiavo on life support, told rally participants gay marriage would "open the door to unusual marriage in North Carolina. "Why not polygamy, or three or four spouses?" Gibbs asked. "Maybe people will want to marry their pets or robots." Mmmmm...slumdog robot love!

Wow, a lot of late night jokes, ask.com is catching up from last week:

"Here's some good news. Barack Obama announced he's bringing home troops from Iraq. That's right. Unfortunately, he couldn't get them direct flights home. They have a two-year layover in Afghanistan." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama sent a secret letter to Russia's president last month. In it, he promised that the U.S. would back off deploying a missile defense system if Moscow would stop Iran from developing nuclear weapons. The Russian president immediately fired back a response, saying, 'I don't understand English.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Finally, Meghan McCain, John McCain's daughter, said she's tired of constantly dating guys who are obsessed with how great her father is. Fortunately for her, she already dated all three of them." --Jimmy Fallon

"Nice to see you all here. You're so lucky you live in California, because there was a huge snowstorm in Washington, D.C. In fact, they are calling it the city's biggest snow job since that stimulus package." -Jay Leno

"Talk about the age we live in. I saw this today. They unveiled a totally new method of snow removal. Did you hear about this? What they do, is they put A.I.G. in charge of it and the snow just disappears." -Jay Leno

"A.I.G. announced it lost $61.7 billion in the last quarter. What did we give them, $165 billion in that bailout thing? And they still lost $61.7 billion, which is the biggest loss by any company in U.S. history. To put it into perspective, A.I.G. lost more in December and January than pro basketball's L.A. Clippers.
And Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is offering a pledge of $900 million to the Palestinians in Gaza. Let's hope they don't spend it all on rocks this time." -Jay Leno

"See, apparently, we ran out of banks in this country to bail out. So now we're bailing out the West Bank as well." -Jay Leno

"No. This is what they said. The U.S. government guaranteed the $900 million will go directly to the people. All the money will go directly to the people. Why can't we get that deal in this country? Why does it go to the banks?" -Jay Leno

"Actually, there were some optimistic words today from the Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, who told Congress the recession might end this year. Unfortunately, Bernanke also said pro football's Detroit Lions could win the super Bowl and Paris Hilton could get an Oscar. So I don't know. He's a little out of there." -Jay Leno

"I tell you, the economy is not good. Not good at all. Oh, it's bad. In fact, on '24,' Jack Bauer tortured himself for not selling his stock last August.
The economy is so bad, I saw Bill Maher in church praying, and later, I saw Warren Buffett buying lottery tickets." -Jay Leno

"And Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal gave the Republican response to President Obama's recent speech to Congress. But Jindal did not get good reviews. I don't know if you saw it. I don't want to say Jindal seemed awkward and off message, but his Secret Service code name is now Joe Biden." -Jay Leno

"And Mayor Richard Daley said that by the year 2016, there will be a surveillance camera on every street corner in Chicago. Yeah. You know, how about putting a camera on every politician in Chicago?" -Jay Leno

"Hey, some good news. The Obamas are getting a dog. Yes. The Obamas say they're going to go with a Portuguese water dog. Doesn't that sound like some kind of lame drink a guy would order to impress a woman? 'Bartender, for the lady, white wine, and for me, a Portuguese water dog.'" -Jay Leno

"Well, how much is Rush Limbaugh loving all his recent publicity? He is everywhere now, since he said he wanted Obama's policies to fail. This is the greatest thing to happen to Limbaugh since they started making that center-cut bacon." -Jay Leno

"California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's going to appear in the new Sylvester Stallone movie. Schwarzenegger wants the world to know he can still act, but I think he proved that when he said, 'I won't raise taxes.'" -Jay Leno

"According to a new study by a Harvard Business School professor, when it comes to online pornography, 8 of the top 10 porn-consuming states voted Republican in 2008. Republicans watch more pornography than Democrats. So, apparently, while they were voting for McCain, they were fantasizing about Sarah Palin." --Jay Leno

Republicans Too Impressed with Themselves, Solving Colorado Spring's Fiscal Problems

Maureen Dowd
Kathleen Parker

"I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat." - Will Rogers

Congress overwhelmingly voted to keep those earmarks in the current appropriations bill, decidedly giving John McCain a slap. Even though President Obama also ran against earmarks, for some reason he is going to let these all slide by. In today's White House press conference it was mentioned that this bill pretty much was dealed out during last year, and in the future the President will have more control over limiting earmarks. Maybe members of Congress should be taxed on the amount of campaign contributions they receive from lobbying groups...

Political Animal reports and comments on the results of an NBC/Wall Street Journal poll: "Congressional Republicans are apparently under the impression that they're doing everything right. They're sticking to their far-right principles, refusing to cooperate with President Obama, embracing message discipline, and taking orders from right-wing radio hosts. They are, as Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) recently put it, "Back in the saddle."

As it turns out, they've impressed themselves far more than they've impressed the country.

After Barack Obama's first six weeks as president, the American public's attitudes about the two political parties couldn't be more different, the latest NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll finds.

Despite the country's struggling economy and vocal opposition to some of his policies, President Obama's favorability rating is at an all-time high.... By comparison, the Republican Party -- which resisted Obama's recently passed stimulus plan and has criticized the spending in his budget -- finds its favorability at an all-time low.


But those reservations notwithstanding, the NBC/WSJ poll is bound to bring a smile to the faces of White House staffers. Obama enjoys a 68% favorable rating and a 60% approval rating, while 67% feel more hopeful about his leadership. In one of the more interesting surprises, the number of Americans who believe the U.S. is headed in the right direction has jumped from 26% to 41%, despite the severe economic conditions.

And perhaps most importantly, the overwhelming majority of the public doesn't blame Obama for the state of the economy (sorry, Wall Street Journal editorial page), and two-thirds of the public believe the president has at least a year before he's responsible for it.

As for the minority party:

Just 26 percent view the Republican Party positively, which is an all-time low for the party. That's compared with 49 percent who have a favorable view of the Democratic Party.

In addition, a combined 56 percent say the previous Bush administration deserved "almost all" of the blame or a "major part" of the blame for the partisanship in Washington, and a combined 41 percent say the same of congressional Republicans. [...]

Also, the public overwhelmingly believes the GOP's opposition to Obama's policies and programs is based on politics: 56 percent say they're trying to gain political advantage, versus 30 percent who say they're standing up for their principles.

Finally, Americans don't seem to have confidence in the Republican Party when it comes to the economy. By a 48-20 percent margin, they think the Democratic Party would do a better job of getting the country out of the recession.

Republicans, Hart argues, "have been tone deaf to the results of the 2008 election... They never heard the message. They continue to preach the old-time religion."

I think that yesterday's bumper sticker bothered the editors at the Colorado Springs Gazette, because today they penned this cranky opinion piece: Live Free or Move "It's hard to imagine a ranking that could be more attractive and meaningful than our close second-place finish as the freest state." It's hard to take seriously a study that  just lists the opinions of the guys doing the study, there is no scientific protocol followed or even a sampling of the population. If you want, I could do the same thing and list Colorado #1 to make you feel better.

Better yet, I have figured out a way to solve our City's financial crisis, not having to lay anyone off, while creating a few more jobs and bringing in lots more tourists. Its so simple, all that we have to do is embrace the gay lifestyle instead of condemning it. After all, now that James Dobson has retired, we have no good reason to be anti-gay.

Here's what we do: raise the filing fee for marriage up to $50 or $100, and start advertising across the country that gays can come here and get married. We can even have the marriages held at New Life Church, which can give them a chance to redeem themselves, and we can even have Ted Haggard be the official Gay Marriage Pastor! Suddenly, couples will flock to our town, stay in our hotels, see our sights while spending their money. We make lots of money in filing fees, plus we put poor old Ted back to work at something he can be proud of.

And, we can give military discounts to support our troops!

And I can market these new bumper stickers:

- Welcome Gays: Your New Life Begins Here -

- Ted Haggard: Will Marry You for a Massage -

Today's late night jokes, notice the new guy:

"Welcome to the first episode of 'Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.' I have been getting so much encouragement. In fact, just before I went on, Rush Limbaugh called me up and said he wants me to fail." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama announced that he plans to bring the troops home from Iraq in 18 months. But the troops actually responded and said, 'Thank you, but the economy's better over here, so we're going to stay.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Did you hear about President Obama's new budget? Actually, Obama will explain it all in his next major address, brought to you by China." --Jimmy Fallon

"Despite the recession, Microsoft is planning to open stores to compete with Apple. Microsoft says that they'll be just like the Apple stores, except the staff will freeze when you ask them a question." --Jimmy Fallon

"Well, let's see what's going on in the world. It was this week in 1854 that the Republican Party was founded with only a handful of true believers. Just like today." --Jay Leno

"Actually, this past weekend, the Conservative Political Action Conference picked Mitt Romney over Sarah Palin in their straw poll to be the next presidential candidate. Yeah. Well, it's kind of interesting. I mean, one is just a pretty face, obsessed with makeup and hair. And the other, of course, is the governor of Alaska." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was on 'Meet the Press' yesterday. And he said that Barack Obama is more analytical than President Bush. Well, there's a shock, huh? I think Tickle Me Elmo is more analytical than President Bush." --Jay Leno

"During his trip to Ottawa, Canada, President Obama said he was too embarrassed to admit to the Canadians that he'd never actually seen a hockey game, to which the Canadians said, 'Oh, don't worry, we've never seen a black guy.'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, the Obamas are expecting the arrival of the first dog in April. Actually, it's Obama's second choice of a dog. The first dog, he had some tax problems." --Jay Leno

9000 Earmarks, Colorado: We Try Harder

David Brooks
Dana Millbank
Eugene Robinson

"Nine thousand earmarks, billions and billions of dollars of unneeded and wasteful spending, and the president's budget person says, 'This is last year's business. We want to just move on.' That's insulting to the American people. . . . Does that mean that last year's president will sign this pork-barrel bill?" - John McCain

John McCain is protesting the 9000 earmarks in the current $410 billion proposed budget. Each earmark is contracted through a lobbyist, who then gets the Congressman to put it into an appropriations bill in return for a campaign contribution.

Politico reports: "Long delayed but not shrunken with time, a nearly $410 billion omnibus spending bill is fast becoming a great bone in the throat for Democrats and the White House, just when each hoped to put the past behind them and move onto President Barack Obama’s new 2010 budget.

The giant measure covers more than a dozen Cabinet departments and represents unfinished business from last fall, when Democrats and the Bush administration were at loggerheads over domestic spending. But in today’s environment — of soaring deficits and unemployment — it’s an explosive mix of parochial projects and new spending. And as Obama himself famously quoted Faulkner in the campaign last year, “The past isn’t dead. It isn’t even past.” Congress needs to do the right thing and dump the earmarks, but that isn't going to happen, its too entrenched and they like the easy money. Even Rahm Emanuel has 16 projects sponsored, worth $8.5 million for Chicago. McClatchy Newspapers reports: "When asked why Emanuel still has his name on earmarks, House Appropriations Committeee spokewoman Kirstin Brost, said "Why not?"

There are conflicting headlines in the Gazette this morning, with one study ranking Colorado as #2 in an index of free states: "According to a study, Colorado does a better job of leaving you alone than almost every other state. In "Freedom in the 50 States," a study released by the Mercatus Center at George Mason University that claims to be the first comprehensive ranking of "economic and personal freedom in the American states."

Colorado also scored third highest in the economic-freedom ranking and 15th on personal freedom."

And in another story from the Pew Center, 1 in 29 citizens in Colorado are either in jail or under correctional supervision, ranking us 15th in the nation. To honor these statistics, I have created another bumper sticker that equally reflects the findings.

Colorado

Live Free AND Die

Late night jokes seem to all be from Bill Maher last Friday:

"Obama announced today we are finally, it's official, getting out of Iraq. Because the way the economy is going, we're going to need the troops here, for, you know, riot control." --Bill Maher

"Obama said he hopes the terrorists don't follow us home, but if they do, and they want to bring down a building, the CitiCorp Center is at Lexington and 53rd." --Bill Maher

"Yeah, CitiCorp got their third bailout from the taxpayers. We now own 36 percent of CitiCorp, huh? And the CEO of CitiBank said, 'This does not change our strategy, our operations, or our governance.' Well, that's a relief. Just keep that s**tty bank magic going, would you?" --Bill Maher

"How many watched the Obama speech on Tuesday night? He delivered his first speech to a joint session of Congress. I watched at home with friends, also a joint session." --Bill Maher

"Hey, speaking of that, our new attorney general, Eric Holder, said individual states are now going to determine their own marijuana laws, and that the DEA is going to end raids on the California cannabis club. So, ask your doctor if pot is right for you." --Bill Maher

"But the speech. If you didn't see it, I'll give you the short version. We're completely broke, and deeply in debt, but we're going to do a bank rescue, universal healthcare, give everybody a college education, have a bigger war in Afghanistan, cut the deficit in half, and cure cancer. We were this close to universal blow jobs." --Bill Maher

"It was a powerful speech. Joe Biden said it made the hair that was transplanted from the back of his neck stand up." --Bill Maher

Freddie Mac Chief Resigns, End of Global War on Terror, the Catchphrase

Paul Krugman
E J Dionne
Fareed Zakaria

Politico has an interesting piece that President Obama is having more trouble from Washington "insiders" than appointees from outside of Washington: "We know the public wants fundamental reforms, and as candidate Obama always said, change doesn’t come from Washington, it comes to Washington. That is hard to pull off, of course, if you primarily work with people from Washington."

Hot off the digital presses, the NY Times reports that the head of Freddie Mac is resigning: "The struggling mortgage lending giant, Freddie Mac, said Monday that its chief executive, David M. Moffett, had resigned effective March 12. The board, in a statement, said it was working with its regulatory overseer, the Federal Housing Finance Agency, to find a successor.
In a statement, Freddie Mac said that Mr. Moffett indicated that he wants to return to a role in the financial services sector.

Mr. Moffett had been in the post since September, and had been a senior adviser to the Carlyle Group, a big private equity firm in Washington, before joining Freddie Mac. He had also served as U.S. Bancorp’s finance chief for nearly 14 years, overseeing financial reporting, treasury operations and real estate functions, as well as the asset and wealth management group. He left the bank in 2007 after he was passed over for the top job." It bothers me that this guy has been in charge only since September and is going to get a golden parachute. This is common practice during the Bush years, people revolving in and out of government office to set themselves up for a lobbying job or to purposely destroy that office's effectiveness. I certainly hope that the ban on administration people going into lobbying is applied to Mr. Moffett...

It seems that Robert Gates was a good pick by George Bush and even better choice by Obama to keep him on the job. And Mr. Gates seems to be enjoying working for Mr. Obama: "Appearing on Meet The Press, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates compared President Obama to his previous boss, George W. Bush: "I think that probably President Obama is somewhat more analytical. And he makes sure he hears from everybody in the room on an issue. And if they don't speak up, he calls on them." He also said it is "fairly remote" that the current plan for withdrawal from Iraq would change."

And the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staffs, which sounds more and more like a bad marijuana joke, also had a backhanded compliment for Obama: "Appearing today on Fox News Sunday, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Adm. Mike Mullen said that the current timeline to withdraw from Iraq is acceptable, and expressed his confidence in President Obama: "He clearly has sought my advice. I feel very comfortable that as a senior military officer and adviser to the president that he is giving me the time and the opportunity to advise him accordingly."

Admiral Mullen also seems to like a more intelligent give and take. Instead of using right wing catch phrases that really have no meaning, he has actually banned the use of the phrase "Global War on Terror" since last October. Here's to supporting our troops with intelligent leadership and better benefits when they come home.

Hopefully, tonight there will be no more reruns of late night talk shows. I'm finding that Jay Leno has the best joke writers, his jokes often get recycled to David Letterman the next day, and Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel are not very funny. So here are some vintage Ralph Nader jokes:

"My favorite candidate, Ralph Nader, announced he's running for president! Oh, I love Ralph. You know, you can't get rid of him. Every election year he pops up. He's like the herpes of presidential candidates." --Jay Leno

"No, Nader says his reason for running is that he spent over 40 years as a consumer advocate. I think after 40 years of studying consumers' wants and needs, he'd realize consumers don't want or need him now" --Jay Leno

"Nader says he's running for president again because the Democrats did not stop President Bush on the war in Iraq and on the tax cuts. Stop him? If Nader hadn't run, there wouldn't have been a President Bush." --Jay Leno

"In political news, Ralph Nader has decided to run for president. Well, you thought Mike Huckabee didn't know when to quit, huh? There you go. In fact, Ralph Nader's campaign slogan -- 'It's me again.'" --Jay Leno

"What do you call somebody at a Ralph Nader campaign rally? Ralph Nader. That's the only one there." --Jay Leno

"He's gonna be 74 next week. In fact, the good news, if Ralph gets sick, his younger brother, Raul Nader, will then take over." --Jay Leno

"Well, you know who's thrilled that Nader is back in the race? John McCain. He's not the oldest guy anymore." --Jay Leno

"As if this field isn't crowded enough, Ralph Nader says he will decide in a month whether he'll run for president again. Ralph Nader. Hey, he's ready to go. Luckily, his suit is still unpressed from the last time" --Jay Leno

Rush to Judgement

Do you ever listen to the shock jocks on the radio? I used to listen to Rush before he had a national audience, and was actually funny when he was broadcasting out of Sacramento, California. Less druggy ranting and it seemed he actually did some reading in preparation for a show, instead of Drudge, Drudge, Drudge...

There also was a brash, young history teacher in the SF Bay area who reinvented himself as a tough guy, no-nonsense uber-conservative, and today's bumper sticker is devoted to him, a variation which I think he's had to deal with all of his life:

- Michael Savage is Such a Wiener -

Politico reports on Rush Limbaugh at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday: "In a 90-minute session, Limbaugh dismissed calls for bipartisan cooperation with President Obama and congressional Democrats. Working with them is tantamount to being co-opted by liberals eager to impose big government across the land, he said.

"Where the hell do we get to compromise when we believe in our principles?" Limbaugh told the cheering crowd. "It's a tough challenge, but it's worth it."

Republicans in Washington should try to obstruct Obama's agenda at every turn, said Limbaugh, "We don't have the votes to stop what's going to happen on Capitol Hill. What we can do is slow down and inform the American people about what's on the horizon.”

They then let Rahm Emanuel counter in another interview: "I think that’s the wrong philosophy for America,” Emanuel said. “What Americans want us to do, and what President Obama has been very clear about, is work together setting our goals …

“Our goal is to continue to reach out and it’s our desire that the Republicans would work with us and try to be constructive, rather than adopt the philosophy of somebody like Rush Limbaugh.”

Emanuel’s comments were in line with a new strategy by White House allies in the private sector to make Limbaugh synonymous with the GOP.

“He has been very up front, and I compliment him for that – he’s not hiding," Emanuel said. "And whenever a Republican criticizes him, they have to run back and apologize to him and say they were misunderstood.”

So Rush is being set up by the Democratic Party as being the intellect and voice of the Republicans. Give Rush enough airtime and he will gleefully put his foot in his mouth and keep on talking as if its normally done this way every day. His ego will never let him apologize, and like a shark must keep going forward...

Here's the problem with Rush Limbaugh - he doesn't really care about you or me or what we think, he only cares about himself and what he thinks. And what he thinks must be right because he makes so much money at it. Very narcissistic and too self absorbed to break out of the shell he has built for himself. Too much of a media whore... Dangerous for a political party to listen and take such a personality seriously, unless you also don't have the capacity to listen to others and are too self-absorbed in your principles, too dumb to realize it...

Especially bad if those principles have been proven to not work in the real world and has driven our country to the brink of economic ruin, with a dishonest and corrupt way of doing business. We need people who can be introspective and flexible enough to change, willing to rebuild on a better ideology instead of running around like Chicken Little, crying about Obama...We are not impressing the younger generations.

A straw poll was taken at the CPAC with interesting results: "Romney took 20 percent of the vote, followed by Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal with 14 percent, Texas Rep. Ron Paul with 13 percent, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin with 13 percent, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich with 10 percent and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee with 7 percent. Others on the ballot included South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Florida Gov. Charlie Crist. Nine percent were undecided.

With no unifying Republican figure to rally around after the desultory 2008 elections, the straw poll results reflect tensions among conservatives about how best to oppose the Obama Administration’s agenda – through openly wishing for failure, a sentiment voiced recently by talk show host Rush Limbaugh, or working with the new president at a time when the American public seek a larger role for government amid the deepening recession."

Late night humor from Stephen Colbert on Bobby Jindahl:

"Nation, last night, once again, the political stage was set on fire by a brilliant orator, a man whose charisma even I have to admit can only be rivaled by a giant Brad Pitt made out of puppies. I'm speaking of, of course, of Bobby Jindal." --Stephen Colbert

"Now, it's clear the Republican party has a new rock star -- in that Jindal appears to have the body fat of Iggy Pop on free heroin day. Now, Jindal took it straight to the Democrat's porkulus plan, like this waste of money [on screen: Jindal going after the $140 million set aside for volcano monitoring]. Ridiculous! Monitoring volcanoes totally ruins the surprise. Republicans know all we need to control volcanoes is to sacrifice a virgin. That is why they support abstinence education." --Stephen Colbert

"Of course, seismology wasn't the only boondoggle Jindal went after [on screen: Jindal talking about the $8 billion to be set aside for a high-speed rail project between Las Vegas and Disneyland]. A magnetic levitation train from Vegas to Disneyland? Actually, that sounds pretty cool. You leave the kids with Cinderella, two hours later you're blowing their college fund on Pai Gow poker, getting bottle service from a 'hostess,' also dressed like Cinderella." --Stephen Colbert

"I say Jindal's speech was a homerun. Jimmy, let's look at the rest of the highlights. Oh, there are none? Okay. All right, well, then, folks, I guess I am forced to talk about the Democratic pre-sponse. No, I didn't hear any of it. I mute all of Obama's speeches, because I like to hear myself yell." --Stephen Colbert