Obama Is Elected, And It Wasn't Even Close...

"Mitt Romney is reminding everybody about changing your clocks. He's urging his voters, his constituents, and all Americans to turn your clocks back to 1954." – David Letterman

"Good news for the Republicans: Once the polls close on Tuesday, they’ll be able to bring out Paul Ryan again. He’s been hiding with Mitt Romney's tax returns." – David Letterman

"What happened is Romney had a rally where they bought $5,000 worth of canned goods from Wal-Mart, handed them out to their supporters, and then had their supporters pretend to be giving them to the victims for the cameras. Because that's what Mitt is all about -- people. People pretending to help people. Later on he gave blood, then stole it back and chugged it." – Bill Maher

The presidential election went just about how the statistics guys predicted, and Barack Obama won both the number of voters and the electoral college to win another four years. The only people in denial was Karl Rove on Fox News, who threw a hissy fit on camera, and the other newsreaders tried to accommodate him. He thought that it was premature to declare Ohio for Obama when there were some precincts that were historically voting Republican that had yet to report in.

Then, Fox News did something that resembled guerilla theater rather than a serious news program. They sent Megyn Kelly, with a camera following her, back through the studio to ask the "election desk" why they had decided against Mr Rove, who has spent over $300 million in super-pac money in commercials against Obama. ThinkProgress wrote: "With neither side backing down, senior producers had to find a way to split the difference. One idea was for two members of the decision team, Mishkin and Fox’s digital politics editor Chris Stirewalt, to go on camera with Megyn Kelly and Bret Baier to squelch the doubts over the call. But then it was decided that Kelly would walk through the office and interview the decision team in the conference room. “This is Fox News,” an insider said, “so anytime there’s a chance to show off Megyn Kelly’s legs they’ll go for it.” The decision desk were given a three-minute warning that Kelly would be showing up..." The Fox statistics guys basically said that Rove was blowing smoke out of his ass, said that the amount of votes outstanding was 140,000 in the Republican areas, and 750,000 outstanding from the Democratic areas, and there was no way that Romney would win in Ohio. The cameras cut back to Karl Rove, who stupidly repeated his argument and continued his red-faced fit. He also called the Romney campaign, causing a delay of two hours before they admitted defeat... Luckily for Fox, they went to commercials, and when they came back, Mr Rove had been removed from the spotlight...

Conservative pundits had all predicted a Romney landslide, despite all of the math against them. Peggy Noonan, Dick Morris, and Karl Rove all were living in their own la-la land, and Donald Trump, who is in the angry first stages of Alzheimer'ss, called for a revolution... It won't be much longer until he loses his television show, which helped feed his autocratic ego... Those same pundits are now calling for Obama to move further to the right, or as they call it, towards the middle, so that there can be bi-partisan solutions to our problems. As Lee Siegal in the NY Times put it: "It was startling to hear, on CNN, the assembled pundits almost unanimously agree that President Obama had to find the “middle ground,” move to “the center” and “build relationships” with Republicans. Where have they been for four years? Mr. Obama had been trying desperately to find the political center for his entire first term, only to be stymied by Republicans trying to recapture the White House by rejecting his every attempt at compromise and then blaming him for being unwilling to compromise."

Nine out of the ten swing states all went for Obama, and Mitt Romney's home state of Massachusetts went for Obama... Even the county where Paul Ryan makes his home in Janeville, Wisconsin, voted for Obama... The factors that went overwhelmingly for Obama were the Black vote, the Latino vote, young people under 30, and the female vote. Nationally, more women voted than men, resulting with a whole binder full of women elected to Congress. 20 were elected last night, including Elizabeth Warren and Tammy Duckworth, both whom I'm in awe of... The high turnout from these new strongholds will change the face of our future elections. For example, adios to Tod Aiken, Allen West, Joe Walsh, and Richard Mourdock, all tea party idealogues...

Here in my home state of Colorado, Obama won, twice in a row. His winning in 2008 caused the pundits to list Colorado as a swing state. One of our best kept secrets, now out in the open, is that even Conservatives enjoy getting stoned. Marijuana is a wonderful drug to ingest while spending time outdoors in the Rocky Mountains. Now, we even put it on the ballot, making it legal for anyone over 21 to buy a personal amount of marijuana, and it passed last night. In fact, marijuana got 50,000 more votes than Obama did... My brother-in-law and I were laughing at this, and I asked him if he would now try and buy some. He replied that no, he stopped smoking it years ago, but it's nice to know that the opportunity is there... I discovered that sometimes smoking a joint before going to sleep, it helped me on days that were very painful. I stopped when I moved to Colorado, never signed up for medical marijuana, and wouldn't know where to get it even though that may soon change. But my doctor has prescribed tramadol for the pain, and it works pretty well, so I doubt that I'll be searching out where my local distributor is located... When I was younger, I swore that I'd never let myself end up taking pills as I got older, yet here I am taking a small handful twice per day. Getting old sure sucks... Just like my religious and political beliefs, I may not be partaking in this social experiment, but I don't mind if others do... God Bless a Stoned America...