Marcus Bachmann Bashed, Rupert Worst Person In the World? South Californication

Rob Stein
Gary Rivlin
Mark McKinnion

"Michele Bachmann says that if she's elected, she'll ban pornography. We have multiple wars, skyrocketing debts, a recession, unemployment . . . Yeah, let's ban pornography." –David Letterman

"Michele Bachmann and her husband run this institution where they try to 'pray away the gay.' They want gay guys to think outside the bun." –Jay Leno

"Hitler's birthplace in Austria has revoked his honorary citizenship. Talk about a rush to judgment." –Jay Leno

There have been rumors floating around that Dr Marcus Bachmann, the controversial husband of Rep Michele Bachmann, is actually gay. This was started by Dan Savage in an ipod broadcast, and was intended to get back at Dr Marcus for his bullshit pray-the-gay-away therapy that he charges $40,000 for. Dr Bachmann runs a Christian based clinic whose methods would be drummed out of any sane town, disbarred in any intelligent state with ethics; which might explain why he and Michele call Minnesota home, more rubes to impress and sway... Last night, Jon Stewart picked up and went with the schtick, saying: “Marcus Bachmann is an Izod shirt away from being the gay character on Modern Family.”

Dr Marcus could well be well-hidden, far back in the closet, he does come on like a con man when you listen to him. He is overweight, has a fat face, and lisps a bit when he speaks. But he may not be gay, there are plenty of overweight guys who lisp that are straight, and spend their lives in hell because they can't get a date. Maybe we should be glad that he found someone who loves him and married him, so she can dress him up in costumes every Friday night, praise the Lord... For those who are just trying to smear Michele Bachmann's Presidential campaign: ask her in public next time how it feels to be a fag hag... I seriously doubt that Ms Bachmann will remain a candidate for President of the United States with this loser hung around her neck, look for her handlers trying to keep him away from the press and public until the time she drops out... That's when Ron Paul will be coming on hard and fast, picking up the conservative slack. He has said that he won't run for another term in Congress because he is going to concentrate on winning the Presidential race. He is so much fun in a debate, I'd love to see him debate Obama one on one, just to see how far off-script they would go. You never know what Ron will say, but you can be sure it will be controversial.

The biggest winner in the news today, is Roger Clemons, whose trial ended before it began in a mistrial, after the prosecution showed a video clip that had been previously ruled by the judge a not being admissible evidence. The biggest loser, once again, is Rupert Murdoch, who is in London with his son James, ready to appear before Parliament. The FBI is looking into whether his organization hacked into any American's emails, especially the families of victims of 9/11. Of course, he really didn't have to use anyone from his organization to do it, all he had to do was bribe someone from the NSA, CIA, FBI or the Justice Department to do the hacking for him, since that's one of the liberties we gave away during the Bush administration... What is revealing about Rupert's trials and tribulations, is how he has no friends, everyone is distancing themselves as fast as their Mercedes will take them, both here and in Europe. He has spent his life acquiring a vast personal fortune and business empire, and everyone hates him, a very sad part of the story. Maybe he will have a visit from the Ghosts of Christmas Past and Future while he sits in a jail cell... Since he killed the 168 year-old newspaper in England, folks are wondering when he will do the same to the Wall Street Journal, which his right wing politics have ruined as a base for any credibility...



First the Germans, and now the Japanese are vowing to wean themselves off of nuclear energy, perhaps they are creating a new axis of alternative power... Over 5.5 million people in England already spend over 10% of their income on heating fuel, and it goes up every year. We don't keep these kinds of statistics here, we might be embarrassed to learn how many of our old folks freeze to death each year because they can't afford to buy any heating oil...

"A lawmaker in California is pushing for 13 counties to break away and form a new state called South California. Meanwhile, residents are pushing for a more fitting name: 'North Mexico.'" –Jimmy Fallon

A conservative state congressman from California has recently proposed to cutting the state in half. His agenda is to have the counties that are more rural and have the most tea party sympathizers collect in South California, while the rest of the state can go to Hell... It reminds me of a car commercial that Honda made for its Northern California market. The legislature wanted to divide California in the commercial also, with the Southern California contingent whining that the roads in Northern California were "too windy." Back in the '70's, whenever someone commented on breaking up the state, it was suggested that we wait and let the "big one," do the work for us, with the big one referencing the next big earthquake that would make half of the state fall into the Pacific Ocean... Jay Leno said that the new Northern California's main crop would be marijuana, while the new South California's main cash maker would be crystal meth...

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