Anthony Bourdain RIP, Trump's New Strategy to End Stormy's Monday

Like so many others, I was shocked by the suicide of Anthony Bourdain. For years, he was one of the best things on television. To myself, I labeled his show as: interesting food, great cultural locations, no bullshit... I had planned to watch CNN's marathon and hastily put together tribute, but then the anger set in, and I knew that all I would do is laugh, cry, and yell at the dead man who left us all in the lurch of trying to make sense of it all...

When men reach their sixties, we start re-evaluating our pasts and thinking about the trajectories of our future. Boy does it ever cause depression, this Dark Night of the Soul... This is why so many older men commit suicide, our lives are not what we imagined when we were younger, and the future is full of medication, failing bodies, and losing friends and loved ones. It becomes attractive to just say "fuck it" and check out, see you on the other side... Like lemmings jumping off a cliff, the suicide rate is rising, and two out of three deaths by guns are men committing suicide. I've entertained the notion for the past five years, but my blood sugar levels will do it for me. I just hope my cat dies before I do. I rescued him from the pound, and hate the though of him ending his days back there, it would be a cruel animal irony... Funny how Alex Jones and I can make Tony's death all about ourselves...




Donald Trump has been all over the place, emotionally, these past few days, so much so that

Vladimir Putin has asked for a quick summit meeting because he has to recalibrate the software. Afterwards, Trump may calm down, even become nicer towards our traditional allies...

So, here's how I imagine the way that Donald ends the Stormy Daniel's fifteen minutes of fame: he gets Vladimir to release the tape of the Russian escorts peeing on him at the hotel, then he can proclaim that yes, he does like some innocent kink every now and then, and Melania can also admit that she enjoys peeing on Donald, it forms part of the glue to their relationship... hey it's not like he's pulling a Gandhi and drinking the stuff, that would be weird... it also explains Donald's unnatural orange hair color and maybe his orangier facial skin-tone...it's not a job for an intern, and may explain why Hope left before she could admit to being beaten up by her boy-friend on a regular basis...

 Tomorrow is the summit with North Korea, and bets are being taken as to which crazy-ass leader will blow their cool first. My bet is on Trump, after he makes Kim Jong Un cry and scurry out of the room...