Friday, November 11, 2011

Clueless Cain Confounds Candidacy, Rick Perry Spends Over $400,000 Per Week To Forgive His Gaffes

"When Herman Cain was in charge of the National Restaurant Association, there were allegations of sexual harassment. They have revealed one came from Sara Lee." – David Letterman
"Turns out 999 was just his rating system: she's a 9, she's a 9, she's a 9." – Jay Leno

"Of course, Cain still doesn't get it. Like he said he will address all these charges at a press conference tomorrow at Hooters." – Jay Leno

Top Ten Signs Herman Cain Is Losing It

10. Plans to raise funds by suing himself for sexual harassment
9.  Now smokes more than his campaign manager
8.  Was recently found hiding in a drainpipe with a golden gun
7.  Keeps asking voters if they want to touch his mustache
6.  Claims Justin Bieber is his father
5.  Campaigning as his hilarious alter ego, Pee-Wee Herman Cain
4.  Just paid a visit to Dr. Conrad Murray
3.  Spent last of campaign funds betting on the Colts
2.  Gave rambling, drunken speech -- oh I'm sorry, that was Rick Perry
1.  He's engaged to Kim Kardashian

Well, I just had a few days lost in the ozone, consequences from not taking my daily meds. I also became very depressed, partly from the news last weekend that Israel was threatening to bomb Iran's nuclear facilities. I am so tired of writing negative things about Israel, why can't they just go back to their policy from before 1992, when Iran wasn't their largest existential threat? Having a #1 bogeyman ensures that the ruling party can control the country. Much of the manufactured paranoia begins in Israel, and if it works, becomes adopted in the US by Republican fearmongers. Prior to 1992 the two countries had diplomatic relations, and Israel even sold Iran weapons. Even now Israel enjoys eating pistachios grown in Iran that have been exported to Turkey, where they are relabeled and shipped into Israel, an open secret... I get soo tired of trashing the right wing policies of Benjamin Netanyahu, that I could easily commiserate with Nicholas Sarkozy calling Netanyahu a liar, and Obama trying to soothe him by saying yeah, but I have to deal with him almost every day... Just as we begin to see real hope in the changes going on in the Middle East, Israel wants to ruin it for everyone, all because their leaders are getting old and impotent... To add insult to injury, I had to find out from a television commercial from a lawyer, and not my doctor, the detrimental side effects from a prescription I had been taking for the past three years...

But the recent Republican debate helped to cheer me up. Thank god we have a bunch of dumbass losers running for the Republican ticket, because there are only 13 more debates scheduled until we vote and choose one of them. The theme of these debates seem to be who can appear more right wing than the others, except for John Huntsman, who sounds the most sane and reasonable. Unfortunately for John, his approval ratings went down from 3% before the debate, to 0% afterwards, being called Mit Light...

Most people tune into these verbal slug fests to see who will crash and burn in real time, and this last one did not disappoint. Rick Perry had a giant brain freeze, where he lost rack of his thoughts and melted under pressure; looking at his notes didn't help, al he could do was to admit he forgot and then went "oops!" A week before, Rick gave a bizarre performance while giving a speech, with giggling, slurring of his speech, and weird outbursts in the middle of a sentence. Everyone thought that he was drunk, though I thought he took too many anti-anxiety pills. With his brain freeze, he proved that he wasn't drunk at all - he's just a doufus, and incredibly stupid man who never has had to prove or defend himself on the public stage, and is sinking his campaign. However, he has guaranteed a large audience at the next couple of debates, just to see what embarrassing thing he will do next before he withdraws his candidacy. 60% of his campaign funds come from rich Texas boys, and if they get tired of his gaffes, he won't be able to afford campaigning anymore. According to Politico, the Perry campaign is: "currently spending more than $400,000 a week on television and radio advertising in Iowa, presenting a determinedly folksy appeal. He’s also spending more than $100,000 a week on television advertising in New Hampshire and more than that blanketing Granite State radio."

Herman Cain is glad that Rick Perry took the heat off of his behavior problems, of being accused of sexual harassment in the workplace several years ago. I'm going to say some things about Herman and it won't be pretty: Herman's campaign got its start being financed by the super-rich, super-right wing Koch brothers; he was their version of an Uncle Tom political candidate, a black man who had less of a sense of humor than Michael Steele. That Mr Cain had allegations of sexual harassment in his past came from his campaign staff not doing a thorough history, examining his past for anything potentially embarrassing. As to the truth of the allegations, the fact that there are more than two women who say that he was inappropriate probably means that he was. Or, in other words, he's a guy, so he's a pig...

What I find interesting, is that here we have a black man married to a black woman, yet making passes at white women, and none at black women. Does that mean he has anger issues with white women, or a need to be rejected by them? Also interesting, is the only other allegation of sexual harassment against a black man in the government was placed against Clarence Thomas, who is married to a white woman, and was made by a black woman... I'm sure there are endless hours of therapy that could come out of all this, but I'm reminded by a quote I saw in a documentary from the 1970's about Stax records. A young black woman was asked why so many black men seemed to be going around with with white women at the time. She replied that it was because black women just wouldn't put up with their shit...

The next debate is Saturday night. To make it a drinking game, you will have to down a shot every time that Rick Perry commits a gaffe, Herman Cain sidesteps a question about taking a lie detector test or mentions 9-9-9 instead, or Newt Gingrich says something condescending and mean to the journalists asking him questions... Also, down a shot if Michele Bachmann gives a coherent answer... I want to say something about Ron Paul, but I like the old curmudgeon, he's even freakier than me. If only he didn't resemble your creepy grandpa that tries to get along with the children every year and fails miserably...

Oh, and sorry to those two guys who have been emailing me with the same response and link to Herman Cain's website. I published you guys once out of courtesy, but doing it every time you send me an email would be obnoxious. Personally, I'm not impressed with an economic plan taken from a SimCity computer game, not even Herman is able to talk beyond the few talking points he's memorized. He has shown that he's not interested is learning about foreign policy, and the only reason we should vote for him is because he projects friendliness and self-confidence, unless you are a young white woman...

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